Subject line should bring up a few issues, huh? My thought process on the whole WLS as far as my relationship goes.... I will be more confident and comfortable again to the point where I will want to go out in public. Right now, I hate going anywhere. I remind myself that he will feel better with a more confident me. I want him to hold his head up high as we are walking along together and think in his head "Yes, and she is my woman". I want him to have that feeling again. I want to give that to him. I know he loves me, we've talked about our feelings throughout the process but I can't help but think he is still a bit scared. Hell, I'm scared too but for completely different reasons. Advice? Thoughts? Experiences?
It sounds like you've been communicating with him openly about both of your feelings on it, and I'd recommend continuing to do that throughout the whole process, especially when the weight starts to come off. My own husband is 22 years my senior, so I know somewhat where you're coming from. He used to be afraid that all the men would flock to me and I'd leave him for a younger man, and for three years was adamant I not have it. He finally relented, though, after I wound up in the E.R. with a weight related issue. (I had my surgery just under two months ago, so yay!)
Since the surgery, I've been showering him with love and affection and letting him know that not only do I love him, but that I need him in my life. It seems to have soothed him.
I will be honest, though, about the difference in my situation. Our marriage (7 years) has been rocky. My decision to go forward whether he wanted it or not coincided with my eyes being opened that I'm in a highly dysfunctional and abusive relationship. I won't go into detail here, as I'll be posting a thread later, but I am planning on leaving him as soon as I'm physically independent and have the finances saved.
All that said, honest communication and show of love will help. If your relationship is already strong, then it will only get stronger. Mine was weak, and well... *rolls eyes*
Hope this helped!
The more you know,
Hi! My husband is also 28 years older than me. We have been married for thirty years. I moved out of our home last year, and now we get along much better but I'm not sure we will be able to save the marriage.
My decision to have weight loss surgery is health related, and my health was what pushed us apart. Well, my health was the final shove...
We started to get marriage therapy in 1996, and stuck to it off and on for almost 20 years! I believe that if two people really love each other, they can make a marriage work, but now I realize that isn't enough. My husband loves me, but not in a way that motivates him to compromise. I love my husband and I will compromise for him, but after trying to make "his way" work for years, I realize that I'm just wired differently.
After getting some space, I've realized how much I want to be healthy and strong and that part of that is getting this weight off for good. I wish I'd done this twenty years ago!
5'4" 49yrs at surgery date
SW - 206 CW - 136
M1 - 20lb M2 - 9 lb M3 - 7 lb M4 - 7 lb M5 - 7 lb M6 - 6 lb M7 - 4 lb M8 - 1 lb M9 - 2 lb M10 - 4 lb