4aLHSMe
Surgery is tomorrow-eek! Addict be gone.
Jan 28, 2014
My surgery is tomorrow and at this very moment that seems so surreal to me. I have been prepping for the surgery for over a year, taking classes, seeing doctors, researching, reading etc. etc doing everything my insurance requires and now the moment is near....eek. I've got butterflies - am I doing the right thing? I mean, once it's done it can't be undone. I am permanently changing my body because I'm too weak willed to accomplish this all on my own. Sounds harsh but that's how I'm feeling right now. For over 6 years I refused surgery as an option " I can do it on my own" while meanwhile my health and body continued to decline. In the end I paid a dear price for my denial. I have to snap myself out of this self defeatist mindset and continue to remind myself I'm WORTH it. This IS a weighty decision (no pun intended) but it should be. By the same token I can't deny the battle waging in my head, my addiction craves the food I want - I literally have visions of "sugar plums" dancing in my head and pizza and ice cream and restaurant weeks and family holiday meals - how will I survive in this new world I'm forcing upon myself. Can you believe just thinking about it right now is causing me to tear up! over food! how ridiculous is that?!
Then there is the other side, excited and eagerly anticipating the woman I always thought I could be. A powerhouse in mind, body and spirit. A woman worthy of my husband, a brilliant example to my daughter, an engaging and playful grandma and a confident professional woman. AND able to wear all those beautiful clothes! LOL. I know I deserve this, I know I am blessed and I know this is a good decision, an appropriate decision but I can't help thinking I could still do this on my own right, I mean shoot - I have lost 12-20 lbs in the last month or so (depending on which scale I use) with most of that coming off during the last couple of weeks on the Liver reducing diet. I've adjusted to the diet, I could just do that right until I lose the 163 lbs to goal?
I'm just trying to get out of my head, verbalizing helps, having this forum and you helps. Tomorrow will come and I will have the surgery and I'm sure I'll go through withdrawal but I'm also equally sure that this is the best option for me.
