Abilene Stars
Long overdue
Oct 20, 2014
This post is long overdue. I received my approval letter from my insurance company before I'd even completed my appointments with my doctor. My insurance company wanted me to see a dietitian/nutritionist once a month for 6 months, have a psych evaluation done, see an exercise physiologist 3 times in 6 months, and see my surgeon (which ended up being his partner) once a month for 6 months. A week before I went in for my last appointment with the dietitian and a week and a half before my last appointment with my surgeon, I had my approval letter. They finally called me last week (after I'd had the approval letter for 3 weeks) to schedule surgery: November 17.
On October 23rd I have my pre-op appointment where they'll go over my liquid liver-shrinking diet and everything I need to do before hand. I'll actually meet with the nurses and staff that assist my surgeon. I am not looking forward to being out of work for 2 solid weeks. I'm really hoping I can convince the surgeon to make it just a week. I can do my job sitting down. Especially if I come back and it's the first week of class that I walk into.
My husband asked me today if I'm scared about the surgery, and I'm really not. I trust the team of doctors that I've chosen. They've done this surgery hundreds of times. And I trust myself to be able to do what I need to do afterward. I won't be able to overindulge anymore. I'll have a few bites of a favorite food, and that will be it. Thanksgiving this year is going to be baby food: turkey, sweet potato, green beans. It'll be gross, but that's what I have to do. By Christmas I should be able to enjoy a bite or two of something lovely.
What I don't want to do is tell everyone around me what's going on. I've told my coworkers so that they are more gentle with me, because they see me every day. But I haven't told my family. My family lives 1500 miles away from me right now. I just saw them this past week. The next time I see them is going to be another year or (most likely) two down the road. If it's two years from now I should be at goal by then and I will have the joy of FINALLY having that "OMG!" moment when they see me. For THEM it will be like an instant change, but for me it won't be. To add to that, my Facebook picture isn't a real picture of me. It's a cartoon version of me.... so that when I finally update over there, everyone will see the sudden change there, too. I've always wanted that moment. I know it's superficial of me, but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it because I know this is only part of the reason why I'm doing it.
I'm doing this so I don't die from heart disease at 50. I'm doing this so I can have a chance of having a normal cycle and maybe having a baby before I'm 40. I'm doing this so I can enjoy my life. I'm doing this so I can know what it's like to move without pain. I'm doing this so I can feel better about myself. I'm doing this so I can feel better in my own skin. I'm doing this so I can move, play, and run. I'm doing this so that stairs will no longer make me winded. I'm doing this so I can be around to help my parents as they age. I'm doing this so I can be stronger for my husband as he gets older. I'm doing this so I can be everything I want to be. I'm doing this so I can stop holding myself back. I'm doing this for roller coasters and sky diving, and bungee jumping. I'm doing this for myself.