dec 29th

Dec 28, 2009

i can hardly believe how time is flying by. as of today i have 8 days before surgery. i tried to enjoy the holidays but my mind was constantly on having surgery..
im absolutely freaked out and its getting worse by the day. im seriously struggling with thoughts of am i doing the right thing. do i really need to be sliced and diced to get this accomplished. the thoughts of things going very wrong with this is overwhelming me. my constant thought is what if i do this and i end up croaking. i know totally unneccassary thought but its there. im worried about not taking the correct vitamins. it all seems so confusing..what to take and when to take it..i hate the protien shakes and since ive been playing around with them pre-surgery im not even concerned with the taste of them but the fact that they put me in the potty a while after i drink them now! whats gonna happen after surgery.
im not even remotely focusing on the positives about this right now and i have to find a way of getting myself together..worst case scenerio...i hall ass out of the hospital that day...
ahhhh fear...what wonderful thoughts it brings on!

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