anabeth413
jan 9th..
Jan 08, 2010
well the surgery is over. i went to the hospital at 6am tuesday 1/5/10 with my fiance and father. when i got there they started to prepare me right away and my dad and daniel came in for a few minutes to give me a kiss goodbye and wish me well. as soon as i saw his face (the surgeon) something deep inside me started saying ok its time to cancell this. its time to go. but it was too late. they already had an iv started and had me in my spiffy robe and hat to wear to the pahty.it went fast from there. i remember the surgeon in his street clothes on jacket and scarf still on. he looked good. he is a good looking man. anyway he had a cup of coffee in his hand and started asking a bunch of questions. i remember him looking at me and saying ok she seems to be getting there..ill be back and the last thing i remember thinking was oh shit..he is going to put on his scrubs....last thing i saw was the clock that said 738am and im not sure where that clock was located exactly.
when i woke up hours later in icu..the clock said 125pm. i remember thinking that it was a long operation and out i went again until some machine started beeping and the nurse started telling me to breathe. this went on until about 6pm when i was kinda awake and breathing by myself and the machine stopped beeping.
they took me to my room which was really nice. i was by myself in there and it was in the corner of the unit so i didnt have to worry about listening to anyone except mr. james in his own room next to mine. once in a while the poor thing who is 98 years old and blind would forget where he was during the middle of the night and would start screaming for help. sometimes he yelled out for sylvia or jenniffer..one could only assume who those ladies where in his life. but for the most part i was in too much of my own pain and hitting that morphine button to be have been bothered by poor mr. james.
that first night went by pretty fast and the morphine was my best friend. about 730am wednesday morning my surgeon came in to check on me. told me in a few minutes i was going down for my x-ray to make sure nothing was leaking and make sure i press the button before going because i would be in pain for the test. he wasnt kidding. by the time i was put back in my room the amount of regret was over whelming for me. i just kept thinking how in the world could i have gotten to this point and why did i do this to myself. i should of made a different diet work for me, i should of gone to the gym more, i should of, could of, but didnt and here i was. too late now no turning back and no other choice but to move forward and deal with all of this.
not too long into these thoughts a nurse came in to prick my fingers for sugar for the gazilionth time which was another thing that was really starting to bother me. there was no one finger left that was not black and blue. she started to chit chat with me about how she keeps asking my surgeon to help her out and do this surgery for her but he refuses because she has some sort of heart problem. she was going on and on about how this was going to be great and that a few months from now i wouldnt even be thinking of being in the hospital, i was going to start a new life ..blah blah blah...and all i could think was i would of changed places with this woman in a heart beat right now if i could.
nothing was making me happy. no flowers, stuffed animals or words of encouragement. i didnt care all i knew was that i felt like shit, was in pain from everywhere, my iv was killing me and the potassium was the worst, every so often they came in to make yet another black and blue mark and take even more blood and at one point there was no more blood. like litterally she pricked me in four places to get two viles of blood drawn and nothing was coming out. i finally said to her do you think maybe mr. james can lend me some of his..i seem to have run out. no dice they found a lonely vein in my hand that produced the two viles !
wednesday night i picked up a fever and my surgeon was called. he told me i would have to spend another day there. he wanted me there 24 hours with no fevers before i go home. i wanted to burst into tears..but kept it together. i dont get the feeling this man has sympathy as an emotion. i guess most doctors dont or they wouldnt be able to do what they do. i dont know. i didnt care all i cared about was that i was stuck there for another day and still feeling like sh&t.
friday came and my surgeon showed up around 100pm and told me i was good to go home. by now not only did i want to come home but i wanted a shower in the worst way.
i got home around 3pm took a shower, changed my dressings on my stomach, checked out the markings he left behind on my stomach with a marker of some sort. it is triangle shaped and checked out all the incisions for the first time. disgusted with what i just put myself through i took two percosets and went to bed to get very much needed sound sleep in my own bed.
today is 5 days post op and im feeling better. im still in pain but its tolerable. im trying to sip sip sip my water and drink my 62grams of protein powder mixed with water that i made. i ate my 3 oz of jello for breakfast and i feel extremely tired. i woke up at 730 and its now 953am and i have taken 3 kitty naps already on the couch only to wake up and sip sip sip some more.
