AndiT
Stumbling on crap.
Jul 14, 2013
I had been wondering, anxiously, how long it would take before there was some major melt down commotion in my home over my not eating meals and cooking big meals for everyone else. BLAM, it happened. Yesterday. My husband LOST HIS SHIT over me not cooking him the usual big Saturday breakfast. I cannot even begin to describe how hard it is for me to be in the kitchen cooking for him and my son, knowing I cannot eat ANY of it. I only know how to cook like I have always been cooking. Potatoes, pastas, rice dishes, Asian meals, Indian meals, weekend burgers and home made fries. I cant eat it, ANY of it. And it sucks. The odd thing about this is here he is telling me how sorry he is, and how I need to stick to it and how happy he is I am doing this and we even had a discussion FRIDAY night about my fear shit was gonna blowup over the weekend cooking, and he stood there, looked me in the face and said "I am perfectly capable of cooking my own breakfast". So really I am just confused.
We had plans to go farm hopping to get veggies and stuff, and my plan after that was for us to go grocery shopping afterwards, together so he could grab stuff he was familiar cooking with and liked. I didn't even get a chance. Typically when he comes at me and asks me if I am ready to go, it usually means he is close to being ready and wants to leave asap. So I said yup, grabbed my sandals and the kiddo and we walked outside, I knew he hadn't eaten anything since he just woke up, but figured he was gonna grab something while we were out. My and the kiddo played outside and waited, he stuck his head outside and said something I didn't hear, so when I walked back in, he was sulking, like a child, in front of the fridge. I asked what was up and if he needed help with something, he shrugged, said no and that he'd see me in an HOUR. Seriously? Ok, headed back outside to play with my son, clean out the car, grab the mail... and waited... apparently he decided he was now no longer going and also decided me and the child didn't need to know this.
Fast forward to the evening, the day has been a shitstorm, I made dinner, not really exciting, but something I can eat and they can too. No... he doesn't want any. Fine, cool.
I just don't understand this. I really don't. He made this big fat deal about throwing food away I shouldn't eat and have, and cant take any initiative beyond that to help out. He's a grown man, and if HE were the one on this insane and shitty diet, I would never in a thousand years ask him to haul his butt into the kitchen and cook big yummy meals for me, meals he cannot touch. It's mean. So now I am scared. I am scared for what this means come surgery time. I feel now like the support I was counting on, is going to be non existent. Am I to be expected to cook, clean and chase my son the day I come home after surgery? Am I going to be expected to make him bacon and pancakes for his breakfast knowing I can only suck down pureed baby food mush?
Is he expecting me at this point to say screw it and stop and go back to cooking for him like I always have, cause frankly that's how I am feeling, very much unsupported and defeated despite doing my absolute best. The stress is really too much. So much so I just remembered that I totally forgot my shakes this morning and my vitamins and stuff.
