aniduff

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You know I keep telling myself that I am not nervous about this surgery.  I keep telling myself it is what I have been waiting for.....a couple of weeks ago, I remember reading posts, confused as to why someone would be nervous about doing the best thing you can do for yourself.  

But alas...I am a bit nervous.  I know my stress level is through the roof...between looking after Jordy, having Kyle in the hospital, finding out I'm going to be a grandma, and dealing with kidney stones...I am just a bundle of nerves.  I am going to see my MD on Tuesday for a full physical.  At that time I have to get a prescription for Champix, and for some more ativan...

I am not sleeping well...I have a scratchy throat.  I did buy some Cold FX, hopefully that will keep the cold or flu at bay...or at least get over it quickly.  

I am eating like a fricken glutton.  Everyday I am binging...stuffing myself to that uncomfortable feeling...I don't know why I am doing this...it makes no sense.  Just a few more days and I start my liquid diet...I am nervous about quitting smoking and doing a liquid diet...I am going to be a miserable bitch...I feel for Ky and Jordy....I have to remember to breath.  And perhaps journal...that might help me...I can't even seem to get to a meditative state and that is usually pretty easy for me.  I find myself clenching my teeth, jaw and neck...

I will get through this...I know I will be so happy to have this done...it is going to be life changing for me.  I can't wait to shop...I can't wait to take riding lessons, I can't wait to take belly dancing lessons too.

I've finally got financing in place!!!!  Now I have to email Gerald and see if he can book Mom on the same flight.  She really wants to come with...and everybody here wants her to come with me as well.  Kyle says he is very happy for me, but feel anxious about me going out of the country alone to have the surgery....I can understand that.  I only hope that in a few years I can save enough money for him to have the surgery as well.  Any excuse to go to PV is a good one for me...Seriously tho...I feel so bad for him.  Not only does he have aspergers to deal with...but severe obsesity as well...it isn't fair that the doctors here will not consider him because he is only 24...fricken rediculous if you ask me.  
Oh, I started out this day on a bad note...cranky and still upset over the email from DB.  I did email her back again...telling her that I did take it personally and that if they have any questions or concerns about J's care...that they should ask me directly...still waiting for a response.  I was okay about it until J's mom phoned and told me that L was asking J questions about whether I give him care or if Kyle does????!!!!!!  That is pushing my buttons...and we will nip that in the bud RIGHT now.