Ashley A.

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So the past couple weeks have been pretty hard for me. I have been so emotional lately. Maybe its from the TOM but I just don't know anymore. I haven't been eating well and I have barely been exercising. I feel like a failure. My sister and her 5 month old baby live with me right now. I'm 20 living on my own and supporting them and I always have family drama thats why I moved out on my own at such a young age. Most people my age are out having fun and going to college. I'm stuck working full time and paying so many bills a month. It just sucks. All of my friends are away at college or live at home and are actually doing something with their lives.  I just really feel like a failure when it comes to life in general. I never really got to have a childhood. I pretty much had to raise myself in a way. It was very hard times, that goes to show why I'm obese. My mom was never there while I was growing up because she worked 3rd shift...my dad left when I was around 6 so I see him maybe 2 times a year and thats about it. My siblings were much older than me so they would just do their own thing while my mom wasn't home, kinda just left me in the dark....I always start writing a blog just to give an update on my WLS and I end up telling my life story! I guess thats how it works huh? 
I'm making a personal goal to lose 10 lbs before spring break which is....March 23rd.
I go for my next fill on the 17th... My  port side is still very  swollen to where its making my shirts too short. I havent called the surgeons office about it yet. I need to do that tomorrow. I hate calling there though. I will update this once I call. I need to start blogging more...to date I am 48 lbs down...still in the same clothing size though so I have to start working out ASAP! 
Good Night!

I finally have motivation to workout. I worked out for 45 mins tonight. I feel so sore already. I threw my sanua suit on and started moving. I forgot how much a suana suit intensifies the workout...It was wonderful. LOL.  I just cant wait until the inches start falling off. I finally got my new teeth so I don't have teeth falling out everytime I eat...and no more buying tubes of fixodent!! lol. I always felt so old having to use that. No offense to anyone that is actually reading this. My nephews 4th birthday was today so we had a little party for him and of course I ate cake...It was nice seeing everyone in the family since my surgery but I almost felt like they were watching every bite I took...this is nothing new for me though. For  example..during the holidays everytime I would go up for seconds my grandma would say aren't you full yet? One day she even told that I would never find a man to love me if I didnt lose weight. I felt so bad. Why would you say something like that to someone? Seriously....I realized today that I get super depressed when I'm around my family. I almost feel like I dont belong. I don't know what it is. The party was good and overall I had a nice time. I enjoyed getting out the house.  I'm dreading work tomorrow. I dont want to work 10 hours. We have been so busy lately because of the DTV transition. I dont even know why they are doing this. I work at Time Warner Cable as a customer service representative. I love it but at the same time I dread it....its a great company to work for though. I always feel like I end this blogs super weird and out of no where...Oh yeah..I got my insurance letter today with the cost of my surgery roughly around 27k..thank god for insurance!....Well Good night!

So I'm thanking baby jesus right now because I have finally have restriction! Restriction=Amazing! I can only eat about 1 cup of food at a time and I'm full! I haven't had any problems with that head hunger that I see most people talking about. I orginally went in for my fill on Tuesday but she wasn't able to get it in the office so I had to go get in under fluro at the lap on Wednesday. I'm very glad for this because she put in 2 cc's since it was under x-ray! otherwise it would have only been 1 cc. I now have 6 cc's in my 10 cc band. I'm not quite at my sweet spot yet but I'm happy with the results so far. I have now lost a total of 43 lbs in just 2 months. I'm trying to figure out my goal weights and points for as of right now. I think I'm going to shoot to get down to 350 by...August maybe. That gives me 6 months to lose 60 lbs..we will see how it goes. I need to start working out more because I'm not losing inches as quick I would like to be. That's all I have for now.