cheryl76
TWO-FACED PEOPLE
Nov 15, 2012
Let me tell you about my mother....
My mom had me when she was 16. I grew up with her always trying to be my 'friend' instead of my parent. Despite a strained relationship, I have to say she used to be absolutely beautiful. Even after giving birth to my twin brothers when she was 21, she melted right back down to a petite 95 pounds soaking wet. At the time we lived in Indiana. A few years after my brothers were born we moved back to Georgia. Almost immediately she started to put on weight. Fast forward 30 years and she's just as heavy as I am but about 3 inches shorter so she looks a lot bigger.
About two years ago my dad finally got health insurance (he used to be self-employed so they almost never had insurance). This was my mom's chance to check into bariatric surgery. She so badly needs it. Her back is always hurting, her joints are ate up with arthritis from carrying her weight on this tiny frame, and she's incredibly unhappy. After attending a seminar, she went for the consult. When all of her paperwork was sent in, the insurance denied pre-authorization as non-covered. Mom was devastated.
I could see so clearly how badly she wants to be able to run and play with her grandkids, how tired she is of using a walker, and how much it hurts her to be in pain from the weight. I don't show emotion to her because I was raised 'different' and to be 'private'. I cry on the inside for her. I don't know completely how she feels, but I know pieces like the way people 'stare at the fat lady', the way skinny people snicker as we go into Lane Bryant and Catherine's. It really pulls my heartstrings.
So, being in the field I'm in... I searched clinical trials all over our area and finally found one for gastric plication in Atlanta. I gave mom all the information and she made the call. Wouldn't you know it....always a catch... sure, you get the surgery... but there's a big fat $9,000 fee. In the real world that's super cheap... in my mom's world that may as well be a million dollars. Once again, she's emotionally done, ruined, disheartened, and even deeper depressed. I gave up. I threw in the towel. If I had the money, I would gladly give it so my mom would be happy and my kids would have a grandmother that's not a big ball of tears all the time.
That being said, our relationship is even more strained now. I can't change the way things are. I've tried. My mother is so unhappy at this point that she's even mentioned suicide. I'm scared one day I'll get a call like that because she's so far gone now and my dad could care less because 'she's not the woman he married'.
Now, imagine how this effects everyone around her. She only found out in the last few months that I've been going through the process for surgery. She is so incredibly jealous now that she's trying to scare me. I told her my surgery date and she says to me 'Isn't that dangerous? Are you sure you need to do this?' What do I say to this? When she wanted surgery there wasn't a thing in the world wrong with it. Now that I'm doing it her attitude has changed.
On some levels I feel like I shouldn't care what she thinks because I know it's coming out of jealousy but somewhere in there I know she really is just scared for me.
