MELT DOWN...

Feb 12, 2010

I am having a meltdown and need to talk to someone. Thanks to OH, I can come on here and let it all out. Sorry for those of you that have to read my tempertantrum. I have had a rough couple of weeks and god only knows why. These last 2 weeks I have been on the edge of a nervous breakdown and I am at the breaking point now. I drive a school bus and have about 2 hundred bad kids. I've been hit by these kids, cussed out and called a whore and have had threats made to me. I come home to my loving 2 year old whom is a holy terror at the moment, my 8 year old who has anger issues, my 12 year old who has mental issues and my husband who is a lazy ass that just bitches and gripes all the time. So, I wonder why I am having a melt down. I started working so we could have money to pay bills and now my husband thinks that he doesn't have to work. I went to wal-mart to get a gallon of milk and some yogurt and as I was checking out I found out that I had no money in the bank. I had to put all the stuff back. Well, that right there really started my melt down. I cried for hours. Now, I am angry and pissed at the world. I could kill someone. I would love to take a baseball bat and beat the crap out of everything. Now that I have said all that I need to talk about the real problem. Your probably thinking "What could be worse than all that". I'll tell you what is worse than all that, FOOD !!! Yep, I said that ugly 4 letter word. FOOD, FOOD ,FOOD. I turned to food today for comfort and have eaten everything I could. I have eaten every single hour. I am so bloated now and I feel like my stomach is about to rupture. The problem is, is when I eat I feel a feeling of calmness but, then it goes away. So, then I eat again and again and again. The most calories I have had since my surgery is 550 calories. It is just now 3:00 and I have had over 600 calories. Talking about feeling like shit. Just a few days ago I thought I had an eating disorder. I proved to myself today that I don't. I called my doctor this morning because I thought I was having problems with my blood sugar being too low and got yelled at by the nurse for not getting my protein in and my calories being way to low. I think that is why I ate and ate all day. I'm going to have to exerscise an extra hour just to get these extra calories off. Well, now that I have had my tempertantrum it is time to go workout again so I won't feel as guilty for eating everything. Oh, and just to end on a happy note. I am in a size 6 now. I wish I could be excited but, Life is just to stressful and I can't enjoy my weightloss.

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