deannhuss

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Update... It's been almost 5 years since my surgery. The past couple of years have been very hard on me. The last time I updated was in 2012 and I weighed 110 pounds. I thought I was fat and ugly at that size. Since that last post I have gained 40 pounds. Yes, I said 40 pounds. I look back at my pictures and laugh. I can't believe I would have those crazy thoughts. I was beautiful and had a damn good body. I just wish I could have seen it myself. Looking back over the years (since I had my surgery) I have noticed I had been so depressed and miserable. In my mind I thought being skinny was the only way I could he happy. Boy was I wrong. It didn't help that my life had hit rock bottom during that time. Since my surgery, I have gotten a divorce, gained 40 pounds, lost my job, apartment and everything I own but I can honestly say I have found happiness :) I always come back to this site hoping to get inspired and motivated. I want to get this 40 pounds off and get the body back that I once had. I go back and look at old profiles just to see how everybody looks today and it amazes me at how well they have done keeping the weight off. I could kick myself everyday for letting myself gain the weight back that I did. I just look at the bright side and thank The Lord for letting me be the person I always dreamed of being. It's funny cuz all my life every time I made a wish or prayed, I would pray to be skinny. God answered my prayers !!! I guess I should have prayed that I would stay skinny once I got skinny...LOL ;) 

I don't ever get on here anymore but, I figured I would today so I could update everyone on my weightloss journey. Next month will be 2 years since I decided to make the biggest descision of my life. I am not going to lie but, it has been hell when it comes to emotions. It has deffinently been an emotional rollercoaster. My highest weight was 215 pounds and my lowest weight was 92 pounds. I went from a size 26 in womens clothes to a size 12 in little girls clothes. I am currently at 110 pounds and a size 5. I am back to feeling fat and ugly again. When I try to put on clothes that once fit and are now way to tight I go through a real bad depression and turn to food for comfort and eat and eat until I am sick. When I wake up the next day and get on the scales and see that I have gained another pound from my binge eating episode it sends me back into a depression and I become so angry with myself and once again I turn to food. It is a viscious cycle. I had my addiction to food cured for about a year and a half but, these last 6 months I have turned to my food for comfort and have caught myself slipping back into my problem with food addiction. I can honestly say that "I am a food addict"...Everyone says I am at the perfect weight where I am now but, I don't feel good about my self and it don't matter what people think it's how you feel about yourself that matters, so, starting today I am going to get back down to my goal of 103 pounds. I felt great at 103 pounds and I was happy with that size. For all of you that are reading this "Don't try to be a size that is going to please others; be a size that is going to please you..." .. I have always tried to please everybody else and I just can't. I was eithor to fat and looked gross or I was to skinny and looked like a crack whore. Now I hear "Your at a good size just don't gain anymore weight" or I still get told "you can stand to put on a few more pounds". I really just feel like screaming !!!! I wish I had a support group but, all I have are people who tell me how they want me to look. No wonder I turned to food for comfort again.

Update: last week I was down to 93 pounds. This week I am up to 103. I'm very sad about gaining the weight but, I know I needed to gain a little. I'll write more about my journey another time....

me at 200



me at 102