Emotional HELL !!!

Aug 04, 2011

I don't ever get on here anymore but, I figured I would today so I could update everyone on my weightloss journey. Next month will be 2 years since I decided to make the biggest descision of my life. I am not going to lie but, it has been hell when it comes to emotions. It has deffinently been an emotional rollercoaster. My highest weight was 215 pounds and my lowest weight was 92 pounds. I went from a size 26 in womens clothes to a size 12 in little girls clothes. I am currently at 110 pounds and a size 5. I am back to feeling fat and ugly again. When I try to put on clothes that once fit and are now way to tight I go through a real bad depression and turn to food for comfort and eat and eat until I am sick. When I wake up the next day and get on the scales and see that I have gained another pound from my binge eating episode it sends me back into a depression and I become so angry with myself and once again I turn to food. It is a viscious cycle. I had my addiction to food cured for about a year and a half but, these last 6 months I have turned to my food for comfort and have caught myself slipping back into my problem with food addiction. I can honestly say that "I am a food addict"...Everyone says I am at the perfect weight where I am now but, I don't feel good about my self and it don't matter what people think it's how you feel about yourself that matters, so, starting today I am going to get back down to my goal of 103 pounds. I felt great at 103 pounds and I was happy with that size. For all of you that are reading this "Don't try to be a size that is going to please others; be a size that is going to please you..." .. I have always tried to please everybody else and I just can't. I was eithor to fat and looked gross or I was to skinny and looked like a crack whore. Now I hear "Your at a good size just don't gain anymore weight" or I still get told "you can stand to put on a few more pounds". I really just feel like screaming !!!! I wish I had a support group but, all I have are people who tell me how they want me to look. No wonder I turned to food for comfort again.

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