The Road to Freedom

Jul 09, 2011

The psychology of weight loss is more transparent from this side of the glass.

When I was bigger, I was willing to tolerate things I should not have....because that is your lot in life as a lesser human. I felt like I was lucky to have my husband....and certainly could never do better. I felt grateful that he loved me despite my weight. But you know what.....that's bullshit.

In fact, I was not that big when we met, and the more weight I put on the worse he treated me. The respect decreased with every additional pound. There have been a lot of things that have happened in 5 years that have slowly severed my emotional ties to him. My heart has been broken more than once...each time irreparable damage was done and I closed another door in my heart.

All the things that I am constantly told I am doing wrong....flaws that are regularly brought to my attention....mistakes that are always being pointed out........All bullshit.

It turns out that I am actually pretty proud of who I am and pretty content to stay just as I am. I am not really interested in changing and would just like to have someone accept me as I am. I don't try to change teh people around me....I think they are ok the way they are. I want the same in return. I am who I am and I am ok with it. If he is not that is really his problem not mine.

So why do I still hear the fat girl in my head telling me I am just being arrogant because men pay attention to me now and that I should be content like I used to be? I think it might be time to silence that voice.

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