Fell off the wagon!

Mar 15, 2010

Hello OH family.  I have been MIA for quite some time now and that could be part of my current problem.  I will start at the beginning.

I had been working on my weight and was told by my surgeon to lose and I quote "15-20 lbs". This was back in November of 09.  I finally made it in to be weighed back in January 2010.  I was super excited when I arrived too because all of my pre op stuff had been completed and all I needed to do was lose the weight that she asked. 

Well, I managed to lose 21lbs.  I was thinking "great, I will get my surgery date today right...."! Wrong.  She didn't even have me back to her office to discuss anything she had the receptionist come back and tell me "You will need to lose another 9-13 lbs"  What kinda crap is that?  I tried and accomplished what she originally asked.  The receptionist tells me that the weight of 15-20 lbs was just a generalization. I walked out of there feeling so defeated.

When I am emotionally unsatisfied I need to talk and so I talked to my good friends "Indian Food, Chinese food, ice cream, soda, chips, chocolate, french fries, burgers, burritos and enchiladas".  They all rallied together to give me a welcome home party and they have been staying close by ever since. 

I want them to leave but feel like a loser and don't know how to tell them to leave because sometimes I can be clingy and still feel like I want them near by.  Only problem with that is they aren't really good friends because shortly after we talk I feel worse, but they are always there for me.

I know this sound silly to you all but this is how I feel.  I am hoping that this chat will be what it takes to get me back on track before its too late.  I'm so sad just thinking about it now.

Thanks for listening to me rant.  Pray for me and whatever encouragement you have to offer; I am willing to take.

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