indygirl
A whole lot on my mind
Jun 13, 2011
I just looked at the goals I set before I had my revision and I said I wanted to lose 90lbs by summer 2011. Um, I think I need to rethink that one because summer is here and although it just started, that would mean that I would have to lose about 40lbs in the next 2mo. Considering all the stalls and plateaus I've been experiencing, I know that's not about to happen. I guess when reality steps in, you have to govern yourself accordingly. To be honest, I've lost focus a bit. I think I started getting comfortable in my new clothes. I wear a lot of dresses now. However, before surgery, I wouldn't dare wear a dress. I cant get comfortable, because I just did the bmi calculator and even now, at 189lbs I would still be able to qualify for wls if I had comorbities, which I did have. WTF, that's crazy. I've lost about 54lbs, which has not been easy and I could still go and get another RNY lbvs!! So I did a detox tea today, because my stomach was feeling awful and I was sluggish. That got things moving a bit, but Im more focused on organizing my environment, that my exercising has taken a back seat. I will also start back on the shakes this week. They were starting to make me feel nauseous and that is not good at all. I hold my breath to drink them, and I dont complain because I know that's what I need, but then I start to feel like I should head for the toilet cause its coming back up. That is not cute at all. I hate throwing up and as a matter of fact, I think Im unable to throw up. I just heave all damn night long. That's the worst because to think whatever is trying to come up is trapped is disgusting. I feel better, I look better, but I have to wrap my mind around the fact that this is not the end, it's really the beginning. Im 5 mo out. Im in onderland, and if I want to stay there, I need to kick it up a few notches. I go to sleep every night with an affirmation of the next day, will be the day that I'm perfect with protein, water, exercise, and no junk food. I fail at keeping my word just about everyday. I give in to the sugar and carb cravings that I just knew I wouldn't before. I don't want to mess this up. This was my 2nd chance and some days I feel like Im totally blowing this opportunity. I want to live and be healthy and happy. I guess I will affirm again, that I will do the right thing. I know that with God, ALL things are possible.
