OMG!! So much has happened over the last few days, where do I begin?
On Monday broke up with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years.  It was bad and tramatic.  We both decided we just couldn't do it any longer.  But it took a fight for us to break up.  He moved out and took all his things. I threw away everything he left og his and cleaned until all signs of him were gone.  I moved furniture, traded beds with the spare room and invited my dogs back into my bed.  They had been banished to the downstairs for 4 years.  This 3 days before my sons bday.  He also took both cars and has left me walking.  Thank God when we moved last I moved .5 mile from work just in case.  But it getting cold damn it!! 
A couple weeks ago I met a man that continued to come into work and ask when I was calling him.  So broke down and called and we have kicked it off like I cant believe.  He is everything Jon wasnt.  I have already been out with him 2x and Jon took me out 3 times in 4 years.  Normal for others this is new and amazing for me.  We have already made plans to take my son and his daughter to the strip this weekend.  Jon never took my son anywhere, we had never done anything together.
My dilema with Jon was that he hated I had surgery and hated my new super skinny body.  I was too boney and it wasn't sexy.  But he loved me so it was what it was.  Now I am thinking about this new guy seeing my nasty shrunkin, bag of of skin and it scares the crap outta me.  I even bought a lil sexy number to hide the stomach and perk up the boobies.  I told him about my surgery only becasue he keeps inviting me for drinks and dinner.  So I had to explain why at lunch I had only a water and 1 chicken wing.  lol  He thinks its really cool what I have done and tells me how sexy I am and how he cant wait to show me off.  We have only known each other a short time but nakedness is for sure on its way.  As long as I stay on my back and keep the girls out of my armpits ill be ok.  I think?????????  OMG.

The Jon calls today, I changed my cell number and the locks.  he called work and asked if I wanted a car until we figured it out.  He thinks we are on a break.  But when he asks to come home I tell him no.  I need a car but I cant break down and use the car.  It is in my name but I think it will give him and the new guy a wrong message.  I was going to take my son for sushi today on his bday but now it is whatever is at home to eat.  Poor baby I owe him big time.

So now I have constant nose bleeds I have no idea why but I think it is my blood pressure but cant get to the dr.  I have dropped another 3 lbs.  I hate eating.  I like nothing and cant eat enough.  now I have to walk to work and try to make up the difference calories I am burning.  Its near impossible.   

So my 1 yr came and went and I did nothing to celebrate it.  In fact it past and I didn't even think about it.  I have not had a penny toent  spend on myself.  So no haircut no cute outfit no pictures.  I guess it will come when things get better.  On a better note. I have replaced my laptop that crashed with a netbook.  Cute small will travel well.  Lightweight, I like that.  So I guess that was my splurge.  On the weightloss side????  I am still fluctuating around 129.  Which is good.  I do not need to lose another pound.  But something in my head keeps saying, "you can wear a 4 dress, can u get into a 4 pant?"  Is that really necesary?  That will be too small for me I think.  But of course weight has become an obsession.  I wanted meat so badly today but I don't usually eat it.  It makes me feel bad and gives me terrible gas.  So I broke down and decided it was time to add something new to the diet.  Brisket.  Yeah brisket maybe 4 bites and a bite of mac n cheese (i dont do pasta) and some corn.  Mind u this is y i dont do meat and pasta.  In 10 minutes I was on the toilet.  Dont act like you havent had that same problem.  I also had a piece of roll (i dont do bread).  It was nasty.  I use to die for any bread.  I havent had any in a yr and i realized today that it is gross.  Just mushy dough.  Yuck.  No more bread ever. So I decided well meat was a bad idea lets try a lil salad for dinner.  Hell no.  Again something I dont usually eat and this is why.  Right to the bathroom.  No more variety for me.  Ill stick to my enchiladas.  At least I know I am safe there.  I have planned a trip to San Diego for Nov.  I am really excited.  All of my family is there and they have not seen me since surgery.  They are all buggin on what I might look like.  I am also newly in touch with a few old friends so this should really be fun.

11 months post op and so much happening.
I got down to 131 but I fluctuate a good 4 lbs back and forth.  I am ok with that.  I dont want to lose anymore.  I am for sure trying to maintain.  I do still watch the scale everyday.  I know sugar makes me gain.  And yes I have sugar filled weeks, not days, weeks.  Sometimes I just need it.  I don't dump and I am careful on the amount of sugar.  It makes me burp and makes me sleepy.  I am addicted to cheez its still and must eat cheese enchiladas at least 3x a week.  Otherwise my diet is mushrooms and zucchini.  I still can't do meat.  Actually, I handled meat better early out than I do now.  I still eat alot of eggs but can only do one at a time.  Still no bread, pasta or rice....ever!!!!  Still haven't had soda.  I don't follow the rules I should.  Sometimes I feel I need to eat anything rather than be concerned about what I am eating.  I can go days on cheez its.  But finances have played a big part in how I eat as well.  My new favorite is popcorn shrimp.  No problem there.  Today I am craving avocados.

I am wearing a size 5 jrs jean, 4/6 misses pants and dresses.  size 6 panties..lol Like you needed to know that. The bra is the sad part.  I would say I am a 34B if I am lucky.  My skin has held up well on my face and arms but the boobs, belly and thighs are a sad sight.  But so worth it.  I have been moving and dealing with life trying to feel normal.  Which explains my absence from OH.  I had to step away and see if I could feel normal.  No I can't.  I love my collar bones and my ribs.  But sometimes I feel gaunt.  I love potato salad but it gives me that terrible gas u cant pass for days.  I do eat some form of sugar everyday.  a cookie, skittles, granola bar...something.  If I didn't I am afraid I would go crazy. 

But the hair...OMG.  I have yet to recover from the hair loss.  My hair is still so think it is horrible.  My everyday look is a thin ponytail.  I hate it.  I bruise easily and am covered in them.  I have no insurance right now so I can't follow up but I will asap.

Today for breakfast: tabasco cheez its    lunch: 1/3 cheese enchilada  snack: chewy granola bar   dinner: avocados and hopefully some shrimp.  I only drink milk water and sobe o life water, i love acai fruit punch.

So my RNY did everything I wanted it to do.  I taught me how to control myself and make better choices.  I do eat more veggies than I have in my life.  But my meat intake is very limited.  I am fit and slim and look good.  My mom saw me for the first time in August and said I was too thin she was in shock.  I like that response.

i lost my mind today and went shopping with money I dont have.  I bought 2 tops from the juniors section.  2 bras in 36b and c.  I bought a size 9 juniors skinny jean and a size 8 misses slack.  the slacks have to go back as I should have purchased an 8.  I was tired of only having my size 10 shorts to wear.  I need panties though.  I am still wearing my 9s and well they are not helping anything.  Felt good to wear nice clothing feel bad because I really should not have spent the money.  i also go a pair of heels that are amazing.  My have to go back though.  i was really bad.  just need to look normal.  All this fight to get the weight off I dont want to look like I still weigh 200 when I dont have to.

I can't believe I am so close to goal.  I suddenly started losing again.  I am glad.  Though I am not sure if I want to keep losing.  I feel like I am obsessed, "lets see how much I can lose".  I am in an 8 and that is where i wanted to be.  Now I am thinking can I get in a 6.  I think I am crazy.  I tried on my prom dress and it fit. Too funny.  I also tried on a pair of vintage 501xx 32x34 jeans that I had, not for myself but for retail, and they fit.  I never thought in a million years I would be the size I was in high school.  Its so crazy.  Personal life has flipped me upside down.  I am still looking for another job.  My job is making me crazy.  I cant pay my bills and just cant keep going on like this.  Thank god for the surgery.  Now I can feed my sona nd not worry about my intake.  I know I need to stay healthy but i can eat much less and gt by.