So damn close...

Jun 03, 2012

 Today was my cousin Alex's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and rocked as far as weddings go. With weddings comes family and they were all stoked to see my weightloss but for me it wasjust a reminder on how I've been losing SO DAMN slow the past few months. Since the new year I've lost 12 pounds. 12 pounds in 6 months. Thats it.

I am happy the scale is going down but I know I need to step it up. If you don't know already, I have severe bingeing disorder and even with WLS you're still going to be a binger. Sad but true. And yes, I still binge, its rare and has happened a whopping 6 times since surgery, my last one, 2 wednesdays ago (found out my dad has colon cancer) and what did I do, eat and eat till I puked. 

Its a sick vicious disorder and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But I'm not going to use my disorder as an excuse.

So my GRAND REALIZATION?

I am SO DAMN CLOSE TO GOAL. I feel like I wasted these past months just settling. Hell yeah, its great to be this weight, this size. I'm smaller than I was in 5th grade BUT I've enjoyed my size 12 ass enough, its time to get back on track and get to my intial objective, to be "normal."

I'm not talking about a "normal" BMI or anything scientific or precise. I just want to get to a single digit pant size. I want to be healthy and lean and strong. Its not just a number to me, its a day where I get up in the morning, look in the mirror and feel acomplished. Where I can know I have my bingeing disorder under control. 

A Day where I'm good with me.

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