something else gone

Nov 17, 2010

If ever anything will cure you of your addictions...this will.  I was just told no more  dairy products.  Maybe some skim milk and cottage cheese, if I can tolerate it.  AAAAAugh!  I can't imagine no more cheese on anything. but my cholesterol should improve greatly. 
Well, it's time to get out and develop new interest.  Going to take an art/ creative writing course in January.  Volunteer for something admirable and become a productive citizen.  lol Like that is going to happen over nite.  i can't even get through a full day without a 2 hr. nap. 
Things have been coming up to the frontal lob of my brain lately.  I " feel".  Before i ate before I could feel anything. Resolving some things that have made me very afraid.  Wake up thinking about some of them in middle of nite.  had to determine I am only human and did best I could under trying circumstances.
Not being perfect has always been one of my fears.  It was expected when i was growing up and the consequences were of failure weren't pretty.  Being just human and fallible has always been a problem, because I sure am fallible. But something did happen in the hospital.  The first nite when I was in pain and wasn't sure what was going to happen next.  I began to get real serious about what really mattered in life.  People matter.  No mater that what they have done or said to me. That is their behavior, not their spirit.  i guess that was my reminder  of unconditional love. " Love no matter what". that same  love applies to me. God has told  me before to love my self no matter what, but I quit. I started putting unrealistic expectations on myself again and on others.  i stopped loving unconditionally.  Forgiveness is all that matters, we're all fallible.

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