melly37

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and   Seem to be a mix of my emotions about surgery.   I have two more days!!  The ONLY reason I am scared is that I know there is a VERY SMALL chance I could lose my band all together.  I tend to worry about things that are out of my control and that probably won't happen....that's just typical me.  MORE THAN LIKELY I will be coming home from El Paso with a re-positioned band that works better for me or even a shiny brand new band.  Either way, I will be better off and be back on the road to getting healthy again.  I know that my blood sugar has been high again lately.  My meter is broken, but I can always tell in the way that I feel.  

I am leaving this afternoon.  My son is going with me so that he can pick me up from the hospital, etc.  I will be coming back on Wednesday if everything goes alright.  Please keep me in your prayers and swing some chickens for me!! 

I was right about PMSing.  I think dear old Aunt Flo showed up Thursday.  So, even though I wanted to be good with my eating, I ended up being so very bad.    I can't seem to gain control.  UGHHHHH!!!!   I am so frustrated with myself.  I weighed in at 179 this morning!!  Yikes!!  I don't want to see the 180 number ever again.....I never wanted to see the 170 number again, but I am well past that.  

Yesterday was also a very somber anniversary.  My friend, Jamie, passed suddenly a year ago.  It was right before her birthday.  , which is today.  She would have been 32 today.  She was damn young....its just a horrible nightmare that hasn't ended.  For my own life, I know that there are two positive things that resulted from her passing.  She taught me that life is too damn short...you have to live life and live it the way you WANT to live it. Don't put things off....start living today!!!  I needed a reminder of that...and remembering how horrible this day was a year ago, I am reminded.  The other positive thing that happened was through her death, I was brought close to my co-worker, who is now my absolute most trusted and best friend.  She did all she could to comfort me when I lost Jamie.  I am so grateful to have been blessed to have Jamie in my life.  I will always remember what an incredible person she is.  I think I will go visit her mother today....she has to be such a mess today.  

I am starting to focus now that my surgery is only a little over a week away.  I am praying that Dr. Acosta is able to fix or place a new band.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!

Wow. two years ago, today I had my very first PB!  ha ha ha   I know it's so odd that I remember it, but since it was on a holiday, I remember it well.  I had just been released to eat real foods after my surgery.  We were having a pot luck at work and I filled my plate with a little bit of everything.  I hadn't had a fill yet, so I figured that I wouldn't have to really change my eating habits as far as chewing, etc.  I didn't pay close attention and I was eating a bit of chicken enchilada and a piece of fried chicken....and WHOA!!   I felt this very strange sensation in my stoma.  I ran to the bathroom and bent over the toilet and it pretty much easily just came back up out of my esophagus.    Gross, I know....but when it was over I was so excited!!!  I knew that I had some restriction even without a fill!    ha ha!!  

Okay.....back to today, two years later.   I did horrible with my eating all week.  I got up to 178 for a few days, but was back down to 176 this morning.  That's still a significant gain from last week.  UGH!!   I am hating myself right now.  I feel so out of control with my eating.  I know that I am probably PMSing right now...combine that with stress and the last supper syndrome and I have an explosive situation.  

Please pray for me.  Pray that I gain my sanity back.  I can't regain this much before surgery.  *sigh*

Yesterday morning I was up to 174 lbs....UGH...but after a day of doing Atkins, I was down to 172 this morning.  I am thinking in terms of one day at a time...I have to.  So, I choose to eat low carb again today.  I can totally do it for one day.  Did you realize that hard liquor has ZERO carbs??!!   

I am seriously pondering an exercise regiment.  We have a small gym at work that is FREE to use.  I am thinking of getting up early and working out there, then taking my shower and putting on my makeup at work.  I would save on the water bill that way....ha ha ha!!  I don't like the idea of working out at lunch time as I don't want to get too sweaty then come back to my desk.  My lunch time walks that I used to be religious about are very nice, I have to start that up for sure.  

My goal is to look AT LEAST as good as I did back in August...but hopefully better!!  It's going to be mini skirt time before I know it!!

I called Dr. Acosta's office to check on the status of my surgery.  Becky said she would call me back.  She did, only to tell me that they have moved my surgery date out a couple of weeks.  It is now going to be March 2nd.  I am okay with that, just a bit perturbed that I had to call to find that out.  When were they going to clue me in??  The biggest issue with the date being moved out is ME and my EATING.  

I have decided to go on Atkins's starting tomorrow.  I can't let myself gain anymore weight and I need to rid myself of this carb addiction by detoxing.  I stll have some restriction, so I should be able to lose some weight this next 30 days.  I was up to 173 pounds this morning!!!  Yikes!!!  I didn't think I would ever see the 170's again.  I have been so out of control though.  A good friend has adivised me to just take it one day at t time.  I intend to do just that.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will eat well for that one day.  What's one day?