melly37

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Well, this has been such a busy week!!  Two of my brothers flew in for my son's graduation.  My son graduated on Monday.  I had a party at the house that night.  It was a lot of fun.  Work has been crazy.  Now, I need to turn my attention to ME but also to packing and moving out of here.  I am procrastinating so much with that.....I guess change is hard to deal with.  

Now, as for my fill.......I am SO CLOSE to having good restriction back.   I can feel the band when I take a big bite or eat some wrong things.  I am still able to eat just about anything, I just have to be more careful how I chew.  I did PB once....but I was eating fast and taking big bites.  I can feel a difference, I am just not there yet.  I can't stand the thought of waiting until the end of July for another fill.  That's when my appointment is.  Soooooo, I am thinking about making another trip to El Paso again.  UGH.  I am not looking forward to that, but I need to get my band back in action, ASAP.  I weighed in at 192 this morning.  Not good.  

I did make a decision to stop taking BC pills.  I was talking to a co-worker that also got banded and the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that the BC pills were really harming my weightloss mission.  I have basically been without the help of my band since January.  I have eaten bad since then and yes, I did gain some weight, but it was GRADUAL.   I think I  gained about 12 or 15 pounds in a couple of months.  After my surgery I lost 12 pounds in 3 weeks.  After I started taking the BC pills, I gained 25 pounds in a month!!  Now, that's just incredibly crazy!!!  Seriously!!!  As my friend pointed out, that would be me eating about 3,500 calories a day, PLUS more calories to compensate for any activity I had during the day!!  That's just not possible.  I tried calling my gynecologist, but he is now closed on Fridays.  So, I just made the decision on my own.  I will call him back later in the week and see if there is a different way of having birth control without my hormones being my messed with too much. That's just crazy.   I know that the BC pills don't seem to have the same effect on some women, but my body seems to be very sensitve to them.  Another co-worker said the pills make your body think that you are pregnant.  Hmmmmm that would explain the gum troubles I have been having too!!  Ever since taking these damn pills my gums have started receeding!!  I know pregnancy is hard on your teeth and gums.  It's just all so damn odd.  I am not taking those suckers!!  I have never been on any kind of BC, so my body is just a little freaked out, I guess!  ha ha

I sure hope that with me stopping the pill that I can see some of this weight come off now.  This has just been very depressing.  Extremely.  My boyfriend keeps telling me that he thinks I am very beautiful and not to lose weight for his sake.  ha ha!!  He is very sweet and I tell him that he is, but this weightloss is for me!!  I want to get down to where I was, even if I never lose more than that.....I looked pretty darn good when I see pictures.  *sigh*  I was not happy with my body then....but I would LOVE to have it now!!  I will get there again, I am just angry that I have a good 35 pounds to lose just to get back to where I was.   I can do this.  

Made my trip to El Paso yesterday.  It was such a long damn drive!!  There is construction everywhere, so it's over 5 hours each way!  UGH!!  I had gained another 11 pounds!!  Yep!!    Isn't that crazy???  To gain over 20 pounds in a month is really nuts.  I asked the nurse if she thinks that the BC pills could be the cause.  She said she couldn't say, just that she has always heard you could gain weight on them.  Dr. Acosta doesn't think it's the pills at all.  I don't think he was too happy with me yesterday.  I can't blame him.  I am showing NO self control at all.   He said he would fill me to where I was before, which means adding 1 CC.  (I really think he is wrong about that, but I am not going to argue).  He sounded slightly irritated....looking back at my history and two unfills that I had in the E/R.  I think he was just afraid that I am someone that wants my band unecessarily tight.  

I don't think that's the case.  I think my band had slipped before I ever saw Dr. Acosta.  When I got that fill from Fill Centers it was tight, and I PB'd a lot.  Daily.  If my band was never put in properly, as Dr. Acosta thinks. then this just made it worse.  

i know that I DO need to have some self control and make better choices.  I just have so much damn stress right now that I can't seem to devote the time and focus that I need on myself.  I was thinking back and wondering what was different between now and when I lost most of my weight.  The difference was, I made it all about myself back then.  I exercised, and ate right.  I was always thinking about ME.  I can not do that right now.  I have too much going on.  I know that in a month or so it will be different.  I just need the band to help me limit my portions and keep me away from bread, pizza and tortillas.  

I can fill a bit of a difference when I am drinking, so I think this fill DID help.  I started my period yesterday, so I am bloated, and I know that there is some residual swelling from the fill helping right now, too.    Please let me have restriction!!!  I won't see him again until July 22nd, and if I don't have restriction, that will be a long damn wait!!!

I weighed in at 195 freaking pounds yesterday.  UGH.  This morning I was 192.4.   My goal is to lose 15 pounds in one month.  I have lost 2.6 of that already!  ha ha!!

I can do it.  I know that I can.

Getting ready for a busy weekend.  Two of my brothers are flying in for Dylan's graduation!!  I am so excited!! 

I actully got my fill moved up to this coming Thursday.  Yay!!    I need it, for sure!  I don't have restriction.  I have a hint of restriction though.....there have been a few times that I can feel some food almost getting stuck and today I actually PB'd.  It happened because I was eating pizza (I know) and because I didn't chew it well, at all.  So, that's encouraging.  It might only take one more fill to get to restriction.  That would be WONDERFUL, to say the least!  

I have had so much stress in my life the past couple of months.....hell, for the past year....but I at least had my band helping me out until January.  That's when my weight started to balloon.  UGH.  I get pretty depressed when I look at some of the skirts hanging in my closet that I wore last spring and summer, but couldn't dare wear right now.  I know that I will get back to that point....I have just had a bad set back.  I am angry at myself for letting the carb monster back in to my life.  Well, I guess I can't be perfect.  The fact that I am losing my house doesn't get any better when I add carbs in to the picture, although I might feel better for five minutes.  LOL  I just kind of have the attitude that I need to focus on getting through the move, then I can move on to focusing on my eating and getting exercise  I have come too far to give up on myself now!