melly37

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I was faithful this week even though the scale was not!    I remember the frustration early on in my band journey where I just couldn't seem to lose weight.  WTF??  It's okay.  I have no choice but to keep doing what I am doing.  My body can not and will not fight simple physics forever!!  I am staying low-carb and doing my power walks.  

I got some of those toning shoes to do my walks at work (I already had some at home) and I can feel the difference.  They are working my calves and thighs!    I need to start incorporating some crunches and arm strengthening exercises.  I know that I will continue to lose, I just have to be patient.  I weighed the same this morning, which was 196, but I had been up to 199 during the week, which was frustrating as hell!!  Well, off to continue making me the best me there is!!

As I wrote in my mid-week post, I have decided to quit whining about my past 8 months and use my tool.  I have done a fabulous job!!  I am very proud of myself.  I stuck to mainly solid protein and low carb.  In the mornings I would have my protein shake with a tablespoon of peanut butter (mmmm tastes so good), and for lunch it would be leftovers usually, but meat.  I took my power walk at lunch every single day....and a few evenings I also took another walk.  

I will continue to love myself and get happier and healthier every single day.  Food does not control me.  I am in control of my happiness.    I was down to 196 this morning!!  That's with being indulgent last night with having some LIT's with my Happy Hour crowd!!  ha ha!!  We had fried wings too....we went to Hooters.  

I have most of my skinny jeans in the storage shed. My apartment didn't have room for all of my clothes, so my thoughts were....it's summer and they don't fit...put them in storage.  Now, I know that I have lost only a few pounds....but I wanted some inspiration to guage my progress.  I bought a size 12 pair of jeans at the store this morning.  Like a silly woman I had to try them on when I got home.  They are nowhere NEAR close to fitting YET.  They WILL fit...and my wager is they will fit by October time frame.  I am making this work.  I get another fill in a month, and that fill will DEFINITELY put me where I need to be restriction-wise.  So, until then, I am going to keep on keeping on.  Love being in the zone!! 

I have gone back to knowing that I CAN have some special treats like cookies and chips, but ONLY when Aunt Flow is in town.  That really does keep me good the rest of the time when I am motivated, like I am now.  Love Love Love my band!!!!  Love Love Love ME!! 

Well, now that Auntie Flo has left town my restriction has gone down.    It's still much better than what I have been dealing with for the last 8 months, so I not crying too hard. 

This past week reminded me of what it is to have real restriction.  You have to really plan and take small bites and chew chew chew.  My eating was bad even though I couldn't eat too much at a time.  Sunday, I ate a lot of popcorn and some chips and queso.  I was up to 203 lbs on Monday morning. 

I vowed to use my tool on Monday, and so far this week, I have!!  I have been eating mainly solid foods, and I have been exercising again.  I was down to 199 this morning.  I do NOT want to cross in to the 200 mark again.  Ever. 

I have been inspired by many people on the same journey as I am on.  Elena is one of them.  She has really concentrated on her health.  She is eating very well and exercising.  She looks absolutely fantastic and is in a size 8 now.

My journey has to be mine........and I have to do the right thing for me.   I am still inspired and can see the beautiful transformation she has had and I want the same for myself. 

Crying over the last 8 months does me no good.  I am taking energy away from what I need to be using it on.  My future. 

Letting go of my addictions, of my fears, of my self-bashing ways is what I am doing now.  I have many years to live in this body and live with myself (hopefully), so I want to spend those years with the happiest, healthiest Melly possible. 

  Dear Band Gods.......please let this restriction last....thank you!!

Ha ha!!!  Well, Aunti Flow is still in town, so that might be why my restriction is what it is, but damn, I love it!!!!   I am not used to this much restriction anymore so I am making mistakes.  I had a PB episode last night that wasn't any fun.  So, I plan on taking it easy today.  Seriously though, right now, if I just eat SOLID foods, like chicken or steak, then I am almost at a perfect restriction.     I am just so excited about that!!!  I know that I can easily start losing weight again if my band is helping out like this.  A good friend of mine that has the band just recently had some saline taken out because she was a bit too tight.  She was too loose afterwards and started eating off of the bandwagon.  She has heard me to whine and cry about doing that for the last 8 months.  She said, "Damn....you just don't realize how much the band is helping you until it isn't anymore!!"  THAT IS SO TRUE!!

I love my little tool and appreciate it so much more now.  I truly do.  I have to tell you, I was scared last night when I PB'd a few times.  I was out with some friends....so it totally took me back to last summer when I would spend half the night in the bathroom when I was with friends.  Of course then, I am pretty sure my band was already slipping.  So, when I was in the bathroom last night, I cringed.  OMG I don't want to have another slip.  I have to be VERY careful with my band now.  VERY.  

I ventured to weigh in this morning.....not good.  200 lbs.  But, Aunt Flow has been an incredibly mean bitch this month, and I have resorted to cookies and M&M's to get by.....so both of us are at fault.  I am going to stay away from junk starting today.  I want to reap the benefits of this tight band!!  

Yikes!!!!    Wow....NOW I remember what a snug band feels like again!!! 

Aunt Flo showed up today and wow, did she tighten my band.  My band has been so loose the last 8 months that I never felt a difference when my period came.  I am feeling it this time! 

I actually had a sliming episode after dinner tonight.    I am going to try to stick with soups and protein shakes for the next few days.  I pray that my restriction stays almost this tight after Aunt Flo packs her bags and leaves!!!  

Now, I remember how I was able to stay away from bad foods 80% of the time before.  My band, Journey, was helping me quite a bit!!!  He's back, baby!!!  Not all of the way, but pretty close!!  If I stick to solid meats, then I can eat very little and feel satisfied.  I don't stay satisifed but for about 2 hours, but hey that's WAY better than what I have had to deal with the last 8 months!! 

I didn't eat well until Wednesday or so.....I just stopped fighting my restriction and did well.  I haven't had a PB episdode a sliming or a stuck incident, either!!  Well, I take that back.  I had one.  I had eaten some chicken wings (2), and kind of felt the food sitting in my chest.  I went to get gas and it's right next to a Dairy Queen.  I thought 'hmmmmmm an ice cream cone would be great'....so I got one.  Ha.  Ice cream has NEVER been a slider food for me when I have restriction.  I guess when my stoma gets cold it gets smaller.  So, I had a few bites of the ice cream....when I got home I had to sort of PB it out.  I think I had a lot of slime in the esophogus trying to push through the chicken still and that didn't mix well.  Oh well, lesson learned or re-learned I should say!  ha ha!!

I am just so damn happy that Journey is back I could cry!!

I was down to 195 this morning.....the further I get away from the 200's the better, baby!!!!  Yay!!!

Okay, so now I can say that I DO have restriction.  It's not quite where I want it to be.....yet, it's MUCH better than it was!!  Yay!! 

Over the weekend, I noticed that my restriction seems to be getting a bit better.  If I stick to solid foods then I am pretty limited on my amounts.  I can still manage to eat breads if I chew very well, and have not had a stuck episode, but I am SO close to really optimal restriction!! 

I really need to work on getting the junk out of my diet and I will start losing weight again.  I was pretty bad over the weekend, not sure why I allowed myself so many evil foods, but I did.  Damage done.  I weighed in at 201 this morning.  It is what it is, so I will just have to eat better. 

I am just psyched that Journey has come back to help me out!!