oops...

Nov 08, 2010

There went another month and a half without any of my random thoughts...

The stress train kept on barreling through my life in October - More ups and downs in the ass-wipe boyfriend department for my precious daughter, but I'm HAPPY to report that they are DONE!!!



It took her quite a while to realize that it HAD to be all or none with that loser.  When she asked me to BLOCK his number from her cell phone, I KNEW it was FINALLY OVER!  I had a few words for him - nothing offensive, just asked him to accept the fact that it's over and leave her alone, that I couldn't understand why he would continue to press her about their relationship when he had to KNOW how she felt about him (DONE).  I mean really - she has told you she's done with you, that she wants you to leave her alone, she's interested in someone else, and MOM DETESTS YOU.  I'm sorry, but what exactly are you clinging to?  Our revulsion?

Anyway, Rich got really sick in October and to make a long story short, he spent 6 nights in the hospital (after having made 2 trips to the ER).  Some kind of lung fungus or mold thing that made him cough HORRIBLY, and he was unable to keep his blood oxygen at an acceptable level.  Given how skeptical I already am about whether or not our marriage has a future, that was lots of fun - NOT.  Money problems just keep getting worse and worse, because he's not aggressive enough to seek out other avenues for his painting business.  Just keeps waiting for his old company to give him work.  The one he WANTED to investigate just SCREAMED 'SCAM!!!'  (Pay some guy $49 a month and he'll keep you busy?  yeah, right...)

My doc (PCP) prescribed me something to help with sleep, which has been a God send - seems to take the edge off my nasty attitude towards the husband a bit, too.    ugh.  I TRY to hide it from the kids, but I have to believe they sense it, even if they can't define what it is they sense.  I WANT to repair our relationship, but honestly?  I don't know if it's even possible anymore.  He's in denial about how bad it is, even tho I have TOLD him I'm *thisclose* to being done with it, and he doesn't seem to want to put out much effort with the counseling.  That in itself is more destructive than anything else.  You don't want to try?  Then what's left to hold onto?  He hasn't bailed on it yet, and I pray he doesn't.

I have managed to lose a few pounds towards my goal of ONEDERLAND BY FEB. 27th - that's the day I leave for Punta Cana with 3 of the dearest friends I have ever been blessed with - I CAN'T WAIT!!!  I'm almost afraid that I'm SOOO excited for it, there's no way it could live up to my fantasies! - perfect weather, just the right amount of intoxication to have a REALLY good time WITHOUT getting TOO drunk or hung over,  a savage tan without a burn, fabulous food but no gain, you name it.  Dancing, laughing, relaxing, maybe even a little shopping...  Yup, this is gonna be one heckuva vacation   I may have to rob a bank for spending money, or just not spend a damn thing, but I'm fairly close to having the trip paid for. 

Anyway, I guess it's all just one day at a time.  Life, WLS, one day at a time.  More than that is too intimidating.  I'll tell you one thing, tho - I'm sure a different person now than I was even a year ago.  That giddy, happy, silly person I used to be has sobered up quite a bit - and I'm not talking about drinking, that's not an issue.  Life has just presented me with too many challenges.  My hubby would love to blame them all on my losing weight, but that's a bunch of hooey.  If I had to endure all these stresses as my former food-medicated self, I'd be dead by 50.

Yup, that's me, a party on a stick these days.  No wonder I don't post here more often - I depress myself.

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