weigh-in #6

Sep 10, 2010

Another weight and another week closer to my surgery date.  I'm down another few pounds.  Still in shock over that.  I keep feeling like I'm not losing, but I took my measurements today and have lost inches from several places and the numbers on the scale are moving in the right direction.  I was surprised to find out that the numbers aren't as important to me as they used to be.  I'm more concerned about how my clothes seem to be getting bigger  :-)

I was discussing my progress with my S.O. and he says he can see changes in the way I look.  He was surprised when I told him I can't see anything.  It was really hard to explain.  I know I have lost weight and I know there are physical changes to my body, but to me, I am the way I have always been.  It almost seems like I'm denying any change is happening.  LOL Will I be in for a shock after surgery, huh?  I suppose it's because the mental image I have for myself doesn't match my physical appearance.  Denial is one of the reasons why I don't have any mirrors below eye level and avoid anyone with a camera (still hate the camera phones...people taking pics and you don't even notice).  Out of sight, out of mind.

I am working on reconciling this, matching my mental image to my physical one.  I am going to have my S.O. take a full body shot (suggested at support group) so I can keep looking at it when I forget why I can't have that peice of cake or the extra serving of chicken.  (He's excited about it...says he's never seen me in a bathing suit...we both laughed when I realized he was right and that I haven't worn a bathing suit in over 12 years).  I don't think I'm quite ready to post anything like that yet, even though everyone here seems to be non-jugemental about that type of thing.  I just want to feel more comfortable with myself before I share that particular pain with everyone else.  Maybe some day it won't be so painful to let people see me.

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