moirianne

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I was checking out with my purchases when one of the employees approached me and told me I looked good...that I had lost a lot of weight.  She was very nice and very polite.  I really appreciated her even approaching me as most people have seemed hesitant to mention anything about me losing weight.  We chatted about the whole situation for a bit before I went home.   I had a good laugh in the car though, because, even though I felt good about someone I don't know noticing I've lost weight, the first thing I thought was "I spend too much time at this store".

I almost spent the holiday in the hospital this year.  I was finishing up my X-mas shopping on Sunday 12/19 and started to not feel well.  I thought it was just a bowel thing (never paid so much attention to my output before now!), but it progressively got more and more painful over the next 20 minutes.  The significant other (S.O.) made me go to the Emergency Room and I was stressing about all the horrible things abdominal pain can mean for a recent post-op.  Turned out it was a large hernia.  Apparantly my intestines wanted to go sight-seeing through the rabit hole.  Saying "painful" seems much too mild a statement.  Anyway, I had an emergency repair done on Monday night and was home recovering on Tuesday night.  Yes, that may seem rapid, but I was totally determined to be home for the holiday as the kids and family were coming.  Everything seems to be healing up fine, just soreness now and sometimes a bit too much bend and/or turn than is comfortable when I forget to be careful.

At least the holiday food was not even an issure for me.  I seem to have become "smell sensative" to food.  I've gotten so I hate the smell of most cooking, which is a far cry from where I used to be.  The smell of the baking X-mas ham actually made me feel a bit ill.  Everyone else commented on how good the house smelled and how much they enjoyed the dinner.  I did try a bit of the ham, but it was a no-go.  So far I haven't had any luck in the meat category.  Maybe I will just eat a lot of soup for the rest of my life?  Gee, now I'm whining.  Pity party in aisle 7.

My S.O. asked me if, after all that's happened this past week (and my complaining about soup), I would do the RNY surgery again.  I did think before I answered.  (I wanted to be honest)  Yeah, I would have done it anyway, even if I knew the hernia was coming later.  And you know what?  I'm not going to play any "regret games" with myself.  I keep telling myself that I feel so much better now that just last month.  Could things change?  Of course.  Things always do.  Of all the decisions I've made in my life, there are very few which I actually regret.  Right now I can't see the RNY as one of them.

**On another note, I still love my Sketchers shoes.  I haven't had any foot, back, or leg pain since I've been wearing them.  Quite comfortable and they seem to be durable.**

It has been a bit over 8 weeks since the RNY surgery, and I must say I am pleased with the results already.  I do have to keep telling myself that I don't want to slip back into any of my bad eating habits.

I have officially left the "super morbid obese" section of the BMI chart.  My BMI now (according to the OH calculator) is 48.3.  I actually laughed when I told the doctor at my one -month-follow-up that, with just 40 more pounds, I would weigh what I did when I graduated high school.  Odd thought, that.  My official weight loss so far (since August 2010) is 102 pounds.  I usually don't differentiate between the pre- and post surgery weight loss, but I have noticed that most people do.  So, for those of you who care about such things, it was 50 pounds before the surgery (August through October 18) which leaves 52 pounds after the surgery.

Things have been progressing nicely.  I am still mostly in the "miss" category when it comes to what I can eat.  WAY more "misses" than "hits" there.  I am just thankful that I learned the actual amount I can eat fairly quickly.  LOL, it only took one episode of "chest pressure" to ensure that I was not going to go over the 1/4 to 1/2 cup mark for a very long time to come.  I have found that my new stomach pouch is extremely temperamental with what it will deal with at any given moment.  Many times I have eaten something that went in fine on Monday only to try it on Wednesday and have it come right back out.  After the initial feeling of "why did I do this to myself" while I'm leaning over the toilet, I usually pull out my trusty notebook and jot down the "uncooperative" food and what happened when I ate it.  I just make a note for each food so I can keep trying them at a later time (per doctor's instructions).  I have to admit to a great reluctance to try the things which made me ill.  I am NOT a fan of feeling unpleasant and tend to avoid things which bring that on.  - Almost forgot about the meds....I'm off all my diabetes medications...Yes...ALL OF THEM.  I only take my vitamins and one blood pressure pill (which will probably stop once I go down a bit more).

My main complaint about the whole process, which may seem a bit stupid to some, is now I am cold.  I'm cold all the time.  I realize that fat is an insulator, but gee whiz.  I actually had to buy long-sleeved shirts to wear because I couldn't stay warm.  One of the nurses at the Bariatric Center explained that this is normal; that my body is getting used to have to regulate things in a different way.  I laughed and told her no one warned me.  I was so used to being hot, overheated, and sweating all the time that being cold still comes a shock to me.

Other things are looking up as well.  I catch my significant other staring at me sometimes and he'll make some comment about how beautiful I look now....and I start cracking up because he then starts stammering about how I was beautiful before and that didn't come out like he meant it to.  I have already achieved several goals I had set for myself (bought pants at a WalMart, tee hee).  I still complain to my significant other that I don't notice most of the weight loss until something really smacks me upside the head.  I was walking next to him in a department store when I happened to glance at one of the mirrored columns....got a good view of me head to toe.  I actually stopped walking and took a step back because I didn't believe what I had seen.  It was actually the first time I had looked at my whole self and thought "I look good".

Well, this will definitely be the last post for a while.  I go in for the RNY at 7:45 am Monday morning.  As if I'm not roaring around the emotional rollercoaster enough, one of my cats got killed by a car this morning.  If this is a test of my stability, I'm a bit miffed.  I really don't feel like being stable right now.  I want to be upset and emotional and all that other stuff, but I also feel like I need to hold it together....so I will...but I don't have to like it.

Well, my final weigh in was Tuesday...result?  Since August 6th, I've lost 48 pounds.  Surgery is Monday - only four days away.  I'm having the IVF put in tomorrow morning.  It all feels a bit unreal now that the "hour" is up.  I'm hoping that all goes well.

The 18th is coming so fast!  I'm officially down 42.3 pounds.  I can't help but think I should be more excited about it all, but I have been pretty much neutral lately.  I think it's because I still don't see it.  Maybe soon.

The new shoes have been working out great.  I didn't notice any of the soreness that was warned about.  Once I got used to them, I didn't like wearing my regular shoes anymore.  The Skechers have improved my posture, at least in my opinion.  I can actually push a shopping cart through the entire shopping trip without leaning over onto the handle (you all know what I mean). 

I got the Skechers Shape-Ups toning shoes today from JCPenny.com.  Just thought I'd leave a note to say what I thought about them as I haven't seem any reviews from someone in the "super morbidly obese" category on this item.

The shoes aren't bad to look at, although they are definitely different from the regular sneakers I'm used to wearing (kindly referred to as the "K-Mart special" where I grew up).  I have never in my life paid this much for a pair of shoes, but the reviews I've seen have been so good, raving about comfort with everyday wear I picked these shoes at my 30-pounds-lost reward item.

So, they came packaged nicely, with shoe inserts to keep their shape (which I thought was a nice touch).  I chose the Original in white/silver.  I got a choice of shoelaces.  They came already laced with white laces, but there was a second pair of white & silver laces in the box.  So I assume if you want a little flash on your sneaks, you can use the sparkly ones.  Right out of the box, my S.O. said they reminded him of Herman Munster shoes, but I actually like them.  They do remind me a bit of some of the orthodic shoes I've seen, just more functional looking.  The package also included two booklets and a DVD.  One booklet was directions and information about the shoes themselves and the other booklet was health tips and some food info.  Interesting stuff, at least.  The DVD is labeled "Shape-ups Workout DVD".  I haven't seen it yet, so I'll have to get back to you on that one.

My first impressions on putting them on?  They ride low.  By that I mean the actual rise of the shoe (sorry, don't know the official terms), like how high they go up the back of your heel.  If you have a high/thick foot, you might want to try these on in a store and not order them on-line.  Width-wise, I ordered the extra wide width and that part was true to form.  JCPenny.com also had a nice section for measuring the length of your foot to get your right size.  The length was spot-on as well.

Comfort?  Well, this is my first night wearing them so I'm just giving you my initial impressions.  They are comfortable.  "Springy" and "Bouncy" were the first words that came to mind.  They do feel a bit strange at first, because of the balance thing.  Strange, but not uncomfortable.  As a bonus, I think they add about 3 inches to my height .

I am wearing them to work, despite the booklet's recommendation of limiting your initial usage.  "Depending on your level of fitness, we recommend limiting your Shape-ups walking routine for the first two weeks to 25-45 minutes per day, and increasing your walking time by 5- to 10- minute increments".  I was unaware of this recommendation when I ordered the shoes (and since the shoes they were replacing had a blow-out, I wouldn't have any shoes to wear).  I do wish this had been on the shoe description, but, I suppose if it had been I wouldn't have ordered the shoes so I guess that was a good marketing decision to leave that bit of information off the general description.  Anyway, I've been wearing them about 3 hours now, and I can feel some areas in my legs "burning" like they are getting a work out.  It isn't uncomfortable and doesn't hurt, but there is definitely something going on in there.

So far, I don't have any complaints. 

I will post again later on after I've worn them for a while.  I will also keep in mind that I will be wearing them as my regular daily shoes and (according to the included booklet) may experience "soreness during the first few weeks of use.  This is natural as you are exercising underused areas, and should subside as your muscles strengthen."

Today will end week 7 of my pre-op preparation.  Official weight today: down another 5 pounds.  Only 10 pounds left for the prerequisite loss.  Surgery date seems to be coming so quickly...only a few weeks away.

The modified Medifast plan the bariatric center has me following seems to be working fine.  It's difficult at times, which I should probably get used to as the temptations and stresses will not go away just because I've had the surgery.  Some days I'm spot on, eating what I should when I'm supposed to.  Other days?  Let's just say I don't revert all the way back to the binges I was having a few months ago, but downing 2 to 3 chicken breasts instead of the plan's 6 oz. one has happened over the month.  I've been able to resist the carb intake, as long as they aren't in the house.  I can even get through the bakery department without buying anything.  It is definitely a challenge at home as the S.O. is not quite ready to give up the chips and stuff yet.  I just have to get a lock for one of my pantry cabinets so I can give him the key and he can keep his stuff in there.  I don't eat that stuff when he's home....just when I'm by myself and can "sneak" it.  That way he can get his junk fix and even though I know the stuff is there, I can't get at it.  At least the extra bits I've been eating are healthy proteins.  I haven't had many cravings for the carb loaded stuff, but I do love my proteins!

I've been wondering if it seems morbid or overly pessimistic to actually write a "what-if" letter before surgery?  I've been thinking about doing it, just in case.  I know my mother thinks this is all her fault (my weight) even though I keep telling her it is my doing, not hers.  I've only had one other surgery in my life (gallbladder removed) and that was emergency surgery.  I didn't have this much time to dwell on everything.  In all likelihood, I will write something ('cause that's much easier than telling people, although I have improved on this recently) just to put myself at ease.  Yeah, I think I will.  It will take out some stress as I get closer to my date.

Counting down, I have 22 days until my surgery.

Another weight and another week closer to my surgery date.  I'm down another few pounds.  Still in shock over that.  I keep feeling like I'm not losing, but I took my measurements today and have lost inches from several places and the numbers on the scale are moving in the right direction.  I was surprised to find out that the numbers aren't as important to me as they used to be.  I'm more concerned about how my clothes seem to be getting bigger  :-)

I was discussing my progress with my S.O. and he says he can see changes in the way I look.  He was surprised when I told him I can't see anything.  It was really hard to explain.  I know I have lost weight and I know there are physical changes to my body, but to me, I am the way I have always been.  It almost seems like I'm denying any change is happening.  LOL Will I be in for a shock after surgery, huh?  I suppose it's because the mental image I have for myself doesn't match my physical appearance.  Denial is one of the reasons why I don't have any mirrors below eye level and avoid anyone with a camera (still hate the camera phones...people taking pics and you don't even notice).  Out of sight, out of mind.

I am working on reconciling this, matching my mental image to my physical one.  I am going to have my S.O. take a full body shot (suggested at support group) so I can keep looking at it when I forget why I can't have that peice of cake or the extra serving of chicken.  (He's excited about it...says he's never seen me in a bathing suit...we both laughed when I realized he was right and that I haven't worn a bathing suit in over 12 years).  I don't think I'm quite ready to post anything like that yet, even though everyone here seems to be non-jugemental about that type of thing.  I just want to feel more comfortable with myself before I share that particular pain with everyone else.  Maybe some day it won't be so painful to let people see me.

9/3 was my week-5 weigh in at the Bariatric Center.  Good conclusion with a few more pounds gone.  I've lost a little over 25 pounds so far.  I had some trouble with hunger this week, losing it and loosing sight of my meal plan altogether.  I am back on track now, though.  My next weigh-in is this Friday right after my psych clearance.  At least I know what that will entail, given that I've been through all these prerequisites before.

I also received my insurance approval letter for the surgery (scheduled RNY on 10/18) and the misc. tests needed before hand.  I'm still not sure about the hospital stay, as my insurance company is currently stating that an overnight stay should be sufficient.  The hospital "people" said they are trying to negotiate for a broader range of coverage, but I haven't heard anything since then (about four weeks ago).  I'm just happy the surgery itself was approved so quickly.  It does worry me about the amount of time I can stay in the hospital after the surgery, but it will be what it is.  I will deal with it, whatever it is.  I have help set up for when I go home, so if I have to go home sooner, I won't be alone there.  I'm not going to let worry get the better of me, though.

The Medifast program has been working quite well.  I've begun experimenting a bit with my Medifast shakes.  I found out I really like the Dutch Chocolate with a bit of sugar-free raspberry flavoring added.  Also found a couple of dud mixings that I really did not care for.  I actually don't mind the taste of most of the shakes so much.  They tasted a bit sweet to me at first.  I was officially diagnosed a diabetic in 2005, and I have become used to non-sweet tasting drinks.  I got used to the shakes, though.  (They really do taste better when you blend them with ice).