Am I in shock?

Jul 11, 2010

Ok soooooooooooo I have 10 work days left before I leave work to do my week liquid fast and then my surgery. But for some reason it all seems so surreal. I have my class tomorrow and I'm just kind of in a blah mode. It's like I'm going through the motions but I'm mentally ready for the rug to get swept from under me. And I don't know why I'm feeling like that? I did my supervised diet, lost my weight, got approval, got FMLA, got the time off work and everything is going smoothly. I'm used to a bump somewhere in the road. Where's the bump? Its like the bouncing you do before you're about to jump rope. That anticipation and the anxiety that you could get in and mess right on up. I'm not quite sure what head space I'm in right now but it's just like I'm in shock or something. You know like the shock someone is in when they see a car barreling at them at 100 MPH and their muscles freeze and they can't move, THAT'S ME! I'm in this eerie place of peace but it ain't that peaceful it's just.....quiet. My brain isn't moving, my body isn't moving I'm justttttttttttt here....Am I crazy for waiting for the rug to be pulled? I tried to convince myself yesterday that I'm blessed why am I feeling this way? It didn't work...LOL! Ahhhhhhhhhh....no emotion, no nothing. I'm nervous that in a few weeks I'm gonna be a nervous wreck outta nowhere. Just venting...PEACE

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