The Journey Begins

Dec 09, 2011

I'm 5'3" and I weigh 303 lbs. Isn't it interesting how easy it is for me to write/say those words? Yes, I know part of my comfort stems from the fact that this is a safe place - a place where nearly everyone has struggled with their weight for years. Unfortunately, I feel the ease with which I post my numbers comes from the complacency I have fallen into over the past 20 years. I weighed 150 lbs when I was 15. Overweight... but barely. I then proceeded to put on the weight a little at a time. A pound a month for years. It's easy to become complacent when it's a pound at a time. I didn't even really notice my expanding waistline until I reached 180 lbs - comfortably in the obese range of the BMI chart. After that, the pounds kept coming and I was exceptional at playing the denial game. Even at 303 lbs, size 24-26, and a Type 2 diabetic, I can still delude myself into believing I'm relatively healthy and I look okay (Until I see myself in pictures, that is!) . How can this be? What is wrong with me????

I'm well on my way into the process of getting my RNY gastric bypass surgery. I live in Ontario, Canada so things take time here. I love my country. I wouldn't change living here for anything. I am so thankful for universal health care. I am thankful that I don't have to deal with insurance companies. I am thankful that there are bariatric centres of excellence and a network of bariatric clinics that are knowledgeable and welcoming to people of my girth.I am thankful that I have at my disposal: surgeons, nurse practitioners, psychologists, dieticians, social workers and a co-ordinator and secretary that are awesome and only a phone call away. I am thankful that my government provides me with a grant to help defray the costs of travel to the hospital that will perform my surgery. I am thankful that the team will follow me for five years post-op and I won't have to pay for any of these visits. The only downside.... wait times. I began the process 16 months ago and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although I don't have a surgery date yet I've been assured that it's just around the corner. It'll likely be in January 2012... February at the latest.

As I write this I:
   * struggle with my eating
   * struggle with being active
   * feel like I am NEVER going to have a surgical date
   * think I should get some therapy to help with my head before I get my "guts rearranged"
   * cannot imagine being smaller than a 2X

I'm hoping to find some people with which I can share my journey. I believe support is one of the keys to success. I look forward to seeing myself shrink in body and grow in spirit.

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