Day 10

Dec 31, 2010

Happy New Years, all!

For New Years Eve, the Hubster and I kept it pretty tame. We went out to Outback Steakhouse for our celebrations. This was a major thing to me, because it was my first meal at a sit-down place since changing my eating habits. I spent the short car ride going over the rules I had learned. Small bites. Set my fork down. Chew thoroughly. Eat my protien first, veggies second and starch last. Serve myself the amount I plan on eating and pack up the rest right away. I have to say, I passed with flying colors. I did order a martini, in celebration of NYE, but I only drank about 1/2 of it. (I don't drink very much nowadays anyway.) Carlos is addicted to the bread from Outback, and when he got the loaf, I gave in and ate a tiny piece. But, I mean tiny. Like crouton sized. I nibbled it slowly, just enjoying the taste of each bite as long as possible. It worked really well. When the food came, I used the small bread plate to serve myself my meal. 50% of the plate was my protien, 30% was veggies, and 20% was my potatoes. Carlos had a large plate and it took me twice as long as him to finish my little one. He also ordered a scoop of ice cream for dessert, and I had just a tiny spoon of it. (Maybe a teaspoon.) The meal was fun, we talked and laughed, and even though I was following rules, it was one of the most enjoyable meals I have had.

More than being a victory of the WLS kind, this meal was also a victory for me in a much bigger way. For the first time in 12 years, I ordered a steak. For the first time in 12 years, I ate steak. And for the first time that I can ever remember, I enjoyed steak. For those of you who know me well, you know that this is HUGE for me. After a few bites, I had this sudden rush of emotion. I started crying, right there at the table. I felt like I had finally severed the last major thread from my step-father. For the first time ever I didn't feel the panic rising in my throat even thinking about eating steak. It made me feel light as a feather. I felt like leaping up on the table and just screaming "I'm free!" I was so excited that I called my mom to tell her I was eating steak. For so long, my eating was completely controlled by that evil bastard and now I finally have my own control. I'm crying now as I write this. As you read, I know it's probably not possible for you to understand. But, I am so happy, and this definately needs to be documented as part of my journey.
 
It's poetic that this happened on NYE, because in so many ways tonight is a new begining for me. I really feel like 2011 is going to be a big year for me. I'm excited and hopefull about moving forward. I'm so thankful for all the wonderful people backing my up, and I really hope that 2011 is a great year for everyone.

Well, as it is now 12:26am 1/1/11, it's time for bed. I have seen the New Year arrive, and even in the middle of the night, I can already tell it's going to be bright. (Wow, half a martini and I am getting all sappy. LOL)

XOXOXOXO
N.

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