What is the reason????

Dec 17, 2010

So,  what is the reason I haven't made my 2 year appointment??? Is it that I am afraid he will be mad that I am still at the same weight I was a year ago... Is it that I am ashamed that I am still at the same weight.... Is is that I don't want to face the truth....  I feel at times I have failed myself by not being smaller yet... I feel that I have let my family down and my surgeon.... Why can't I just be happy with the ackomplishment that I have done... I beat myself up which makes me think that I am not worth the support and the kind words people say when they see me.  I feel that because I have not lost what I should I am a loser... Am I??? Probably not but what else am I supposed to think when I look in the mirror and see nothing but the fatness that is still left there.  I love the fact that I did this surgery.  I would hate to see what my life would be like if I didn't.  I need the coorage and the faith to move passed my emotions and just do what I need to.  I am having surgery on my knee soon and I am scared...  I know that once my knee is healed I will be able to do all the things I have longed to do for a while now.  I will be able to jog... That will help the pounds go away... I will be able to hike hard trails... I will not have to cringe evertime I kneel to get something... The school semester is over and I am just glad that I did well at one thing... I got awesome grades and am happy with that accomplishment.  I am happy that I am good at something... I feel that I always have nothing good to talk about which probably makes people read and say "Wow can't she just be happy"  one day I will be but until then I am not sure what to tell you... I know I need to start just posting postive and if I post something negative I need to post 3 good things about myself in the post.... Oh this helps me feel better about me.. My goal make my 2 yr follow up with the doctor on Monday... I will put the reminder on my calender right now....

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