When will it change???

Feb 24, 2011

I had knee surgery 7 wks ago and it went very well.  I found that I am stronger than most when it comes to pain... The one thing I can not stop is emotional eating and the fear of not being good enough.  I am trying to get the nerve to apply for nursing school but I just don't think it is the absolute right path for me.  I think of what would be a good path and it just doesn't come.  I think of what could be better than working in a job that would make me feel good about myself even though I am not sure if feeling good about myself after work is the only thing that I need from there.  I work so hard in my life trying to be what others expect and what they want but what do I really want.  What will make me who I need to be?  I look at myself and really am not sure what will do that for me.  I have a husband who loves me and a daughter that loves me.  My friends and family are the best but what does all of that mean for me.  What do I get out of the whole thing.  Should I be so selfish to feel that I should get anything out of anything.  I know that if I do not feel better about myself I will not be able to find what it is I feel that I don't have.  I know that this whole weight loss thing is being able to be happy with what you have and to feel good about you.  I don't feel good about me and that is why I know that I sabotage what I know is a tool to help me with.  I really need to focus on what is important and focus on me for a while.  I should disconnect from the world some how but with technology and people who care that will be rough.  I just feel the need to lock my mind up and let it figure out what I need.  I will hope for a change will hope to find the answers but we will see.  Some find themselves in church others find themselves in nature.  I don't know where to look but I do know that one day I will find me and when that happens I will make the most of what I have been given.
Live*Laugh*Love.... That is my motto of the day.... 

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