Getting through PT....

Mar 07, 2011

I am now almost 9 wks out of my knee surgery and am working through the PT as well as I can.  Everyone says I am doing well and that I am doing better than expected.  I don't know about that.  I have gained weight and I can not seem to not want to eat and eat.  I am so down on myself most of the time and I just need to get the same motivation that I have used through this surgery and PT to start working towards the me I want.  I look at myself and I don't see what everyone else sees.  I see the fat me.  I am still big but no where near as big as I used to be.  I should be proud of myself and I just chastise myself for not being further.  I don't know how to change that.  I am going to call the psych department tomorrow at work to see if there is someone who can see me.  I don't think I need the medication but I do think that I need to work on me and I need to find out why I don't let myself get to where I want to be.  Am I afraid of who I will be when I am skinny (or at least thin)?  Am I holding myself back for others?  Am I expecting too much from myself?  Why don't I just do what I need to to lose the weight?  I am going to look into a personal trainer but I am afraid they will give up on me and not motivate me in the way I need to.  I have not yet called the dietitian but that is also on my to do list for the week.  Well enough whining. 
Life is what you make of it..

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