Sirene
I made the Top 5 on the Stress Factor list!!
Oct 13, 2011
So I haven’t posted for a bit….
My Honey had a heart attack 
Well….it wasn’t a full blown heart attack and they are still not even sure if that’s really what it was. They are sure taking their sweet time figuring it out, whatever it is. Needless to say, it’s been a rough ride this past summer
Between him and my mother, they are plotting to kill me.
That, plus trying to sell my house, surgery, my job moved while I was on vacation.....I think I am due for a breakdown!!
It really scared him too. He had always been supportive of my weight loss attempts but as a bystander, never really as a participant. That’s not entirely true actually since he does all the cooking and always offers to make me something else if he and the kids are eating something I shouldn’t. But other than that, I have been doing this on my own. As well it should be….because if I can’t do it on my own, then there is not much point in doing it, now is there??
Since his “episode” we’ll call it, he has been really good at watching what he eats himself. No more fried foods. No more chips while watching TV. Cut down on his egg intake. Cut WAYY back on his intake of animal fats and red meats. Choosing SMART Pasta instead of plain white (he hates whole wheat pasta)….he has only thrown a grocery-store-tantrum twice so far! LOL! Once was in the pasta aisle trying to convince him to buy whole wheat lasagna noodles when they didn’t have the SMART pasta and once was in the chip/snack aisle trying to find him a suitable alternative to Doritos. (he bought a bag of mixed nuts)
He is a big eater. HUGE portions and a lot of meat, sauces and gravies. Before, it would have been nothing for him to sit down and eat 3,4 or 5 pork chops at supper. Now, he limits himself to one but I can see he is still hungry L I have tried to slowly help him but I know (better than most) that this has to come from him. Nobody can tell him what to do or how to do it. I must say, I am very proud of him so far. He is loading up on low fat/low cholesterol soups before supper so he doesn’t eat so much.
He is even talking about after surgery and how we’ll be eating the same things now! Lol
What a different conversation is from this time last year!
So I am on Optifast now and I am back at work too. Both of these things suck arse so I will not give them the honour of more than a passing mention in my blog. Let's just say I am now a HUGE fan of the jell-o and its relative solid state.
One thing I have noticed though, and this is just a bit of introspection I suspect, is that I am VERY self conscious about eating in public. I wont go into the kitchen at work to make my shake if there is someone in there. I dont even want to drink my shake if I think there is anyone around. I need to get over that fear. I think its a fear of people looking at me and thinking things like..."Shemust be trying to lose weight since she is so fat!! But THAT's not the way to do it, she should try Weight Watchers/Atkins/South Beach etc etc etc" I dont even know if I care as much about what they THINK....rather I just have no energy/desire to discuss it with anyone. And I just know that if someone *does* approach me and make a comment.....well let's just say that sometimes I may not come off as the nicest person on the planet. My tolerance for ignorance and stupidity is pretty low.
It might also be a remnant back to the days of eating in secret....like when you would go through the drive-thru and eat in your car but hide all the evidence before you get home. Other people have done that, right?? Its not just me???
I want to be able to go into a restaurant and eat by myself. There is nothing wrong with that!!! But right now...I could never do it. Even just the thought of it fills me with panic and dread so much so that I may hyperventilate. Someday I hope to be confident enough to walk into a restaurant and order whatever I want and eat it, without once worrying about who is looking at me!!
Anyways, on to better topics: Surgery is schedule for Oct 27!!!
Excited, nervous, scared, excited, happy, scared, worried,…..all at the same time and going from one to the other!!!
