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Sirene's Journey

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Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I was always a bit heavy, even when I was a kid. I had a round face and kids would tease me and call me names. So even though, looking back and seeing that I was definitely overweight but nowhere near what I *thought* I looked like, I always felt ashamed and embarrassed of being me. As I got older, the weight kept piling on and I tried everything. Every diet and every program and every method. My self esteem was so low that I imagined people laughing at me all the time. I was going to the gym 5 days a week, cardio training as well as working with weights. Everytime I stepped into the gym, I had to talk myself into staying rather than putting my tail between my legs and running for the hills. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me....
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Sirene's Blog
Sirene's Blog

Stall Broken!!

posted 2/15/12 6:00 am
I didn't want to say anything out loud (or rather virtually "out loud" via the interweb!) before because I was afraid that I would jinx it....but I am pretty sure my stall is broken!!!

It was a really rough go emotionally and lasted a really long time....more than 6 weeks or so, but the scale is finally moving again.

Some of the things I did: (and I am not saying any of these helped at could have been just the process taking its natural course, I really don't know) I cut back on all starch carbs. The dietitian had given me examples of things to try and add in to my diet, but she had also said that she thought I was getting enough carbs simply with my intake of fruits and I said screw it and I scratched the starchy carbs totally out except for a bowl of Vector cereal in the morning or 1/4c of All Bran Buds with my Greek yogurt. (I know I should be eating Kashi Go Lean but that stuff is so disgusting) I also increased my water consumption and cut down on snacking after supper.

At first the scale only moved a little....and I was afraid that it was just the stupid positioning of it I literally and physically moved it somewhere where I could just leave it in one place and not have to pull it out every time I wanted to weigh myself. It went from 221 to 219.....and I didn't say anything. Just in case....

Then to 218....stayed there for a few days...
Then 217.....that's when I finally started to believe that it really had broken! I was SOOOO relieved!!

This morning.....216!!!!

I have decided that I am happy with that.

216lbs is less than I have ever weighed as an adult and I have decided to be happy at any weight from here on out.
You know why????
Well for one reason; I can walk for miles (ok- kilometers) without getting out of breath. My 8 year old and I walked to the store after we walked to the gym on the weekend and she had to sit down on the way home...."Aww come on! I'm so tired!" .... I told her that a 40-yr old was kicking her butt....LOL!
My knees don't hurt.
My hip is much better.
I don't feel (as) intimidated at the gym as I used to
And people I meet that haven't seen me in a long time are genuinely shocked! I LOVE that expression when they finally click in who this strange woman talking to them is....LOL! I met one of the "ballet moms" from back when Kira was in ballet (which she doesn't take any more considering it cost close to $ 800 a year) at the gym the other day. I was working out on an elliptical and she walked by......I spoke to her and she answered, but then did a double take and said...OMG!! I didn't recognize you!! You look fantastic!!!! You are so thin!!!"

I just kept going on the elliptical and said.."Thanks!! This is a really great machine! " and winked at her....LOL!
I can shop in just about any store.....I bought a skirt at Urban Planet!!! size L!!! WHAAAAAT??????

I feel very almost brain still has some catching up to do I think....but I hear that comes later. I am not too worried about it since I think I still have more losing to do....sometimes I see a difference in the mirror.....mostly I don't.

But I *feel* it....
.....and what counts.

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