Sirene
Stupid scale....
Feb 26, 2012
I moved my stupid scale back to the wall where it was before and voila!!! It went down!!! Its amazing to me that a scale can be so temperamental as to show a 10lb difference depending on where it’s placed on the floor!I am a bit astonished/afraid/in disbelief..etc about what the scale *does* say though….. 207!! WHAT????? TWO-OH-SEVEN……that doesn’t even make any sense….
But then I look at what I am wearing today… Can you believe I am wearing a size L skirt from Urban Planet and a size L top from Zellers today???? When I bought the top, I picked up the XL and figured it would fit me eventually….my Honey grabbed it and put it back and picked up the Large instead…I thought he was crazy!! But in all honesty, I could have probably even got a MEDIUM!!!
I can’t even wrap my head around it! I look in the mirror and still see the same fat person, no question about it. I have zero ability to pick out clothes or dress myself! I think it’s called “body dysmorphia”? I hear it gets better?
The problem is that women’s sizes are so random. I tried on a pair of size 16 dress pants at Mark’s the other day and couldn’t even get them past my hips….and yet a pair of 14s from Giant Tiger (of all places! whose sizes tend to run small anyways) fit me fine! I think this contributes to the idea that “I am still fat”. There is nothing worse than trying something on in a bigger size that what you currently own, to find out that it’s too small.
The whole thing is a bit surreal and actually a bit frightening. I keep thinking I might wake up…..my only hope is that if I *do* wake up, then hopefully the part about my mom dying of cancer will also have been part of it….
Which then leads me to question whether I would trade having surgery to have my mother back….and of course the first answer that comes to my mind is yes!!!….but then I think about what she would say, and my health, and I am sure you know the rest of the feelings that go with that line of thinking….and then of course the guilt associated with that line of thinking….
So I just choose not to go there.
4 Comments
About Me
Ottawa,
Location
26.6
BMI
Surgery
10/20/2011
Surgery Date
Dec 02, 2010
Member Since
