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Goals

To run a 5K

12 People
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5 People
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Get a surgery date

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Learn to ride a motorcycle

28 People
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go horseback riding

77 People
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10 People
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go skiing

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Sirene's Journey

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Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I was always a bit heavy, even when I was a kid. I had a round face and kids would tease me and call me names. So even though, looking back and seeing that I was definitely overweight but nowhere near what I *thought* I looked like, I always felt ashamed and embarrassed of being me. As I got older, the weight kept piling on and I tried everything. Every diet and every program and every method. My self esteem was so low that I imagined people laughing at me all the time. I was going to the gym 5 days a week, cardio training as well as working with weights. Everytime I stepped into the gym, I had to talk myself into staying rather than putting my tail between my legs and running for the hills. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me....
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Sirene's Blog
Sirene's Blog

Getting close to Onederland
posted on 3/10/12 7:02 am
I am trying to keep to the philosophy that each day, I am happy with my weight. I try to say to myself....whatever happens from here, I am satisfied at this weight.
Some days, its easier than others. Like if the scale has moved down, or at least hasn't moved "UP"...then I am OK. When it starts to creep upwards, my faith becomes a bit shaky...

As I get closer to onederland, it becomes increasingly frightening. It' almost like this is for real!!! LOL!!

I have never been under 200lbs in my adult life. The last time I was under 200 was when I was in high school!!

I must say, I am almost enjoying shopping. I can't go on my own though....I have to take my Honey with me. I am still unable to figure out sizes on my own and am too shy to start asking the sales person to bring me all kinds of different sizes.

I did pick up 2 pairs of dress pants on clearance the other day for under $ 5!!! They were a regular size L. I figured there was no way on the planet that I would be able to wear them now....I figured they would be for "later" when I lost enough weight. But when I got them home, my Honey made me try them on and sure enough.....they fit. A bit snug, but I have a feeling they are supposed to fit like that. You can see the shape of my butt!!! Are you supposed to be able to see my butt shape???

They feel a bit weird too. I am used to wearing baggy pants that come right up to my waist and these sit on the hips. I feel like my butt crack is showing. My Honey assured me it wasn't....but I still felt very exposed in them. Are they supposed to fit like that??

And when I look down, I see my thighs.

Not my belly.

My thighs. And I can see the muscles move under the skin when I walk. I get so engrossed in watching how my muscles make my body move that I can literally walk right into things!!

Does this make me vain? I am not doing it out of vanity I don't think....just out of sheer amazement. I mean, look!! I have muscles!!

and I caught myself in the mirror in my old pyjamas. The pair of 4X that my mother bought me for Christmas 3 or 4 years ago. They look awful!! hanging off me like I am a bag of bones....which trust me, I am certainly NOT!!! But I decided it was high time for new pyjamas.....and again, my Honey had to pick them out. I couldn't tell. I kept gravitating to the plus sizes. Sure enough, size L was fine.

My next set will have a built in bra though.....I have serious gravitational-pull issues in that area....the new ones have a tank top and I kind of felt a bit trailer-trashy with my wife-beater on....so ya, next time...definitely need some sort of support!!

I may almost be ready to attempt bathing suit shopping.....

Almost ;)


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