Sirene
Officially unemployed and NOT loving it!!
Nov 02, 2012
I am officially unemployed as of today, although I have been technically on holidays the past 3 weeks.
I thought becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom was going to be great......well it's NOT!!!
As much as I hated my old job and am happy that I don't have to go back there, I am having a hard time developing a routine. Before, you see, just the fact of having to get up and go to work etc, established that routine for me. Now, its up to me to do it all by myself!
I think part of the reason some of us got fat in the first place, was this sort of inability to take control of certain aspects of our lives. Perhaps it was eating behaviours, portion control, stress eating, etc. Well this seems to my inability to take control.
Weight loss surgery does NOT cure this!! The only thing it really does (aside from the medical re-routing of your guts) as far as I am concerned, is eliminate the portion control issue. This 'taking control of my life" thing has proved to be difficult and has pretty much eluded me so far.
Granted, its only been 3 weeks but I feel like I could potentially spiral out of control if I don't do something about it sooner rather than later. I have only been out to run a handful of times. OK so I *did* run nearly 12 kms those days and then a few 5kms on other days when I found I just didn't have the time to devote a whole hour to it....but still. When I was at work, my run was factored into my day, EVERY day. Ok well NEARLY every day. Simply by the fact that it was noon. At noon, I would go change and go out. Now though, I am having a hard time fitting it into my schedule. And I don't even have anything to do!!
That's not exactly true. I have SO MUCH to do that I just cant seem to effectively manage my time to get things done. I find myself running in circles trying to get as many things done as possible and then actually finishing none of them. I start a load of laundry, start the dishes, start washing the floors or walls or start stripping the beds, etc....but never get around to finishing the second part of it. Either my son comes home for lunch with his horde of Tasmanian devils and I end up spending an hour cleaning up after them... or my Honey comes home for lunch so I end up spending some time chatting with him....then suddenly its time to pick up Kira and my day is over!
I have so many grand ideas and just get so overwhelmed with everything that I can't seem to manage to get any of the daily routine things done, let alone get the big things done too.It's actually quite depressing and I have had a few days where I just want to spend the day in bed and cry.
It is definitely not turning out the way I had planned for it to be. Maybe if my kids were at home, it would be a bit easier because they have a specific routine that I would have to adhere to....but since they are old enough to be in school, I don't actually "HAVE" to do anything. I tried giving myself ultimatums like....ok you can't go to the library to check your email unless you get X done.....but then I just end up not going to the library and not even leaving the house all day. Totally backfired. Then other days, I have walked about 100 miles to the store and back several times because I needed something and didn't have the car or just felt like walking!
I *do* go pick up my daughter at school every day at 2:30. I have been trying to arrange my running schedule around that and basically end my run there so we can walk back home together. It has worked a few times but its getting cold now and exactly as I feared, I am just not hard-core enough to drag my ass out into the zero temperatures to run. I really need to get a treadmill!!
Which, is another issue. First, money. I haven't received my severance payment yet so basically am broke. Also....do you remember a skit on sesame street where Ernie puts the sugar into Bert's hat because he used the sugar bowl for his fish? He needed something for the sugar so he dumped out one thing to use it, then needed something to contain what was in the first container so he dumped something else out to use it, etc etc. Well basically, that's my life. In order to do one thing, I have to do something else first. If I want to turn my rec room into a gym, well then I have to clean out the boys gaming crap out of there first....which I don't have the energy to do. If I want to put the laundry away, well I have to organize the closet first. If I want to bake something, well I have to clean the oven first. Etc etc.
I am told this is partially due to OCD but the last time I was evaluated, I only had OCD "tendencies"...not a full blown syndrome....that's my story and I am sticking to it!!
So basically, I am not particularly enjoying staying home as much as I thought I would, am not accomplishing anything like I thought I would and feel like I am wasting my day away. Oh, sounds just like being at work!!
THANKFULLY, I haven't started eating out of control yet....but the urge is there. I find myself looking in the fridge a lot. Luckily, my most recent dumping event is still pretty fresh in my mind so I am not inclined to repeat that episode anytime soon. I have been eating very well....not drinking nearly enough water but still eating well.
I think maybe I need to set small daily goals. Get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say to myself, " OK, today you are going to organize your bedroom and that's your ONLY goal for today" ....and then just do it.
But, that doesn't get my run in though.
I *WILL* figure this out....probably not today but if I keep trying different things, I am sure something will click.
Right?
