Robin T,
December 28, 2006
Wow, today 2 years ago, I had the surgery that has dramatically improved the quality of my life. For a year now, I have been "normal" in terms of my weight - something I've not experienced in almost 25 years prior. I'm 45 years old, healthier than I was at 25 and feeling absolutely wonderful! My goal was to improve my health - and while that has happened, I never could have envisioned all the positive side effects of that improved health and mobility. Daily I am thankful for this surgery. Many people I meet now, never knew me as the morbidly obese person I once was. I've had comments from them about being so skinny, and "what would I know about having to diet". If they only knew....
I don't go around telling everyone about the surgery, but at the same time I won't hesitate to share the information when I think it can benefit someone. After all, that was how I developed the courage to do this myself - by hearing others' stories and realizing that could be my story too.
I continue to be very faithful about my vitamins, protein and water. They are good habits I've developed and I will work hard to maintain them. I'm due for my bloodwork, and even though it's a pain, I will make sure it gets done. Grazing is sometimes a struggle, and the holidays were tougher this year than last. I did ok though. My New Year's resolution will be a better committment to getting my exercise in. I still manage at least 3 days a week, but I prefer to be at 5-6 days a week. That will be key to avoiding a weight gain for me.
I feel so very blessed in my life, and thankful beyond words to be living in a body that is healthy! Life is good!
November 28, 2006
In one month it will be two years since my surgery. I feel great, but am also frustrated because I'm 5 pounds over the upper end of my goal range. When you look at all the stats, it's expected, but I don't like it. It doesn't seem to be really related to my eating - but then again I'm sure it must be. So I'm working pretty hard now - I want to be smaller - even more so I'm afraid of getting bigger. I feel so silly in some ways, fretting over 5 lbs. Two years ago, 5 lbs could come and go in a day it seemed. Now it makes me feel bloated and uncomfortable. I've just got to make sure I don't resume bad habits - the worst for me is grazing when I feel stressed.
All in all though - I'm so thankful this is the problem I'm facing - compared to being morbidly obese I'll take this any day. Life is good.
October 29, 2006
Things are still going well. I'm up a couple of pounds from where I'd like to be. On the one hand, you'd think that's no big deal, but I'm amazed at how much of a difference it can make in how I feel, and in how my clothes fit. During the school year, it's been tougher for me to stick to my workout routine, but that exercise is going to be key to me not putting weight back on. I miss the support group meetings, but have classes on Tuesday nights that I can't miss. I think it's true that the surgery does much for you, but I'm at the point now where it's going to be up to me to maintain my weight loss.
I can't believe it's been almost two years since I had surgery. I'm so very thankful I made this decision. I'm making plans for plastic surgery next summer. I had a neck lift this summer, and though I think it's much improved, it's not as good as what I expected. I go for a follow-up soon and will be anxious to hear what can be done to improve things more.
September 30, 2006
Time just seems to be flying by these days. Between my new job, and going to graduate school, and keeping up with family and such, I'm really busy - but I have the energy to be and it's wonderful! I'm in a pretty good routine with my protein and vitamins. My pouch still works for me though I can hold more than I used to. Sometimes I feel like I'm really eating too much, other times I get full much more quickly than I anticipate. My perspective has changed though - when I think about how much I used to eat - and consider "normal portions" - I can feel sick just thinking about it. My skin continues to settle - I've maintained this weight for almost a year now and am getting ready for plastic surgery. I never thought I would want to consider it, but now I do, so I'm planning for next summer when I'm not in school. I feel great - and incredibly thankful that I've had the opportunity to have this surgery and to feel this wonderful! Life is good!
August 27, 2006
20 months post-op. Things still going well - Dr. Saba says it can take up to three months to see full results from my mini-face lift - but I'm very pleased with the results now. I have a little extra skin under my neck that may need to be addressed later, but compared to where I started there is a big difference. No one really asks me about it - so if they notice or not I can't say, but I feel much better about how I look - and that's what counts!
It's been a really busy week - my oldest child went away to college for the first time - gosh how I miss him! I went back to graduate school this summer and have a new job that starts tomorrow! Very exciting - lots of changes - moving forward with my life in directions I would never have considered when I was +130 pounds. I just didn't have the energy then, or the self-confidence. I feel empowered now like I never have before - and it's wonderful!
July 31, 2006
19 months post-op - still doing great! I guess the big news for me this month was that I did have some plastic surgery. I had a mini face lift - basically the neck and lower jowls were addressed. Dr Saba was my surgeon. The procedure went very well - it has been more of a recovery than I anticipated, but really my expectations were unrealistic. I'm not quite three weeks post-op. I can't tell that there's any bruising left, but there is still some swelling under my chin and jaw line. It gets better each day. The hardest thing about this has been the necessity to take it easy - when I had wls, I was heavy and sluggish anyway, so it wasn't too hard to get lots of rest. Now I'm used to being so much more active, and having to slow down makes me feel so sluggish. Plus, I didn't tell anyone much that I had this done - so I had to hide out for about 2 1/2 weeks - didn't even want to talk on the phone because of the incisions around my ears. The isolation and inactivity have been the worst of it though - and its getting better each day. This was an area I couldn't hide, and it really bothered me. I don't think the change will be as obvious to others though -I think it's one of those things that you notice a change, but can't quite decide what the change is.....
I have been very pleased with the care I've received from Dr. Saba. After I'm all healed, and can save some more $$$$ I'll certainly consider having other skin issues addressed. But for now, it's lots of spandex and 3/4 length sleeves...... a small price to pay for feeling this good!
July 1, 2006
My 18 month anniversary for WLS came and went - I was busy with my son's college orientation at the time! What an exciting time for him - and a time of pure mixed emotions for me - this is my firstborn going away to school! From the WLS point of view - it was wonderful to walk around the campus with him, not huffing and puffing or sweating profusely in the heat, feeling like I blended in just fine with all the other parents! I have become so comfortable in this body - it moves so easily and sustains it's energy so well!
Everything is still going smoothly - I had labs done recently and they are all great - my iron is well in the normal range now - I think having that fibroid tumor removed was the big factor there. Other than that, just making sure I take all my vitamins, drink all my water and get in all the protein I need. I'm very good about the vitamins, and if I get lazy and slip on the protein or water, I can tell pretty quick and it's worth it to stay on track. A bite of pretty much anything is not a problem, but I have yet to taste anything that is better than the way I feel!
May 29, 2006
Nothing much changes as far as my weight these days. I can have as much as a five pound fluctuation over my lowest weight depending on that time of the month, and if I've been getting my exercise in. I still feel great physically. Mentally, it's funny - there are some struggles that just never completely go away. Sometimes I feel fat and even though I don't see myself as large as before, I do feel overweight and see all the flaws rather than all the positives. Sometimes I feel like I'm heading out of control with food - the good thing there is I'm able to recognize that mindset pretty quickly and respond to it - vs the old habit of denying what I was doing. I miss losing weight - I know that sounds silly but I've been pretty stable since last Novemeber - I still weigh myself daily which works best for me as far as accountability goes, but I miss watching the scales go down - that feeling of accomplishment and success. I'm not complaining - just owning up to how I feel sometimes - these are things I would have never imagined going through my head....and yet they are there at times.
All in all though - things are great - my oldest child graduates from high school soon, I've gone back to graduate school, and though there are alot of changes heading my way, there are new opportunities as well.
April 28, 2006
Things are still very stable with my weight and I feel wonderful! I did have a couple of weeks where I sort of slacked off on my protein, and over time began feeling sluggish. I also noticed I craved carbs more when I did that. My weight didn't change, but my energy level did - and quite frankly my feeling of a sense of balance with food came into question a few times. So, I'm back to my morning protein shake again, and it has helped tremendously.
I've really enjoyed being outside and gardening this spring. Most days I almost forget what being heavy felt like, but when I'm planting flowers and getting up and down a lot - I remember - and am thankful.
Still looking into plastic surgery - hope to have something done this summer. I work on the school schedule, and am going back to graduate school beginning next month, so scheduling is going to require some planning ahead. It's exciting though - lots of new opportunities heading my way!
March 28, 2006
Wow, time just seems to be flying by these days! My weight is still very stable and I continue to feel fantastic. I can eat more now than before - sometimes that concerns me - that fear that I will be out of control again. I just keep reminding myself of how far I've come, and if I am inclined to eat due to stress or whatever, that I make good choices when I do so. I observe those around me too - and I still eat less than anyone else, even people who are close to my size. I'm amazed at the energy I have - I hardly ever feel tired except maybe around that time of the month.
I've had several plastic surgery consults. You really do appreciate your insurance when you start looking at having to self-pay for procedures. No decisions made yet on what I'll do.
A couple of weeks ago, I ran into an old next door neighbor of mine from a previous military tour. We had not seen each other in a couple of years. I knew her right away though, and started talking, saying how good it was to see her again. She talked for a couple of minutes, catching up on things, before she finally looked at me and said - "I'm so embarassed to admit this, but I have no idea who you are." I still find it so hard to believe that I've changed that much - then again when I look at old pictures I realize it's true. I find it easy to tell people now I've had surgery - that I've worked very hard and had some help that gave me the success I've been seeking all my life it seems.
February 28, 2006
Still feeling good - weight dropped another pound this month, but there is still a 2-3 pound fluctuation on any given day. I had my fibroid tumor removed on Feb 1 - that went very well and I'm feeling much better. I can tell a huge difference in the amount of energy I have again. Still learning more about plastics - maybe I should start playing the lottery too!
All in all, things continue to go really well for me. What a year this has been!
January 28, 2005
I am 13 months post-op. I lost a pound this month, but really my weight has been fluctuating in a 2-4 pound range most of the time. My labs are back, and most things still look good. I'll add more Beta-Carotene to my daily routine. Right now, I take 4 vita-4-lifes each day, along with additional iron, beta carotene, calcium and vitamin D.
I found out this month that I have fibroid tumors in my uterus that are going to need attention. My cycle had changed a great deal this year, and initially I attributed the changes to my age and the weight loss. When the symptoms worsened, I had them checked out further - and to make a long story short - I'm scheduled for surgery on Wed. I'm looking forward to getting it over with and feeling better.
I've had a consultation for plastic surgery. I don't know where that will all lead. Most people seem to want to deal with their stomach, thighs, breasts and arms. Even though I would like those areas to look better, I am bothered by my face the most. I have a saggy neck and lower face, which makes me look tired all the time. Plus, I can't conceal it with spandex and clothes.
All in all though, I feel really good and so thankful to have lost this weight. Right now I'm dealing with the fatigue caused by the tumors, and the fact that I've been instructed to take it easy until after they are removed. Regular exercise really does give you more energy.
December 29, 2005
Wow - one year ago yesterday I had surgery! I think that was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, and one of the the best decisions I have ever made. I have lost 129 pounds and feel better than I could have ever imagined feeling again! I am so thankful for Dr. Elariny and his staff. His surgical skill, and the nutritional guidance and administrative support of his staff have made it possible for me to be at this place today.
Being morbidly obese is not at all the worst thing that could happen to a person. It does however, have a huge physical, emotional and psychological impact on those who struggle with this condition - it certainly did for me. It was so hard to imagine that I might be able to move out of that condition, that surgery could work for me. The surgery itself, with it's risks, and the permanent lifestyle changes that must be made in order for it to be a success was tough to think about. Food has been my entertainment, my comfort, my friend etc. for all my life - but I had abused that relationship and had allowed it to take control. I knew I was going to have to redefine the role of food in my life if I was ever going to have the kind of life I wanted, and deep down knew I was worthy of.
Everyone has their own insurance stories - for some that part of the journey is such a breeze, for me it was not. It was about a year and a half from my first contact with a surgeon and my insurance company until I actually had the surgery. I've documented all that here, so I'll only add to it by saying that looking back, as hard as it was, I think it strengthened my resolve to do this right, and to make it work. It gave me so much time to inform myself, to read hundreds of profiles and stories, of success and failure, of the ultimate price that some paid in order to have this opportunity. This time was a blessing for me - though I certainly didn't think so then.
The surgery itself turned out to be by far the easiest part of my journey! I was not at all prepared for things to go so smoothly, and to recover so quickly! This is where I again thank my gifted surgeon!
Adjusting to my new pouch was not as hard as I thought it would be - again, I think I was well prepared in what to expect. Still there were a few things I had not thought about before, when I was more focused on the surgery itself, and Jennifer was great about answering my questions. I was often impatient, thinking I wasn't losing quickly enough, but keeping up with other's progress helped so much. I was amazed at how much better I felt after losing just the first 20 pounds or so - and have continued to be in awe of how it feels to have so much less of me to haul around.
I am still humbled by how I felt a year ago too, and hope I never forget to recognize the difference.
I've learned how important it is to get those fluids in - winter is tougher for me because I'd prefer hot teas and coffee. However, one bad experience with constipation was all the motivation I'll ever need to not dehydrate myself again! Taking those vitamins is so important to feeling well - a pill organizer has made all the difference for me in being faithful to this daily routine. Good protein can be found in many forms and I'm thankful for the variety we have. Unjury vanilla mixed with orange chrystal lite is still my top choice. I also really like the South Beach Diet Cinnamon Creme bars. Exercise is key to not only losing this weight but to feeling better in the process. I need to do more with weights, but am very pleased with my cardio routine. I walk 3 miles at least 4-5 times a week.
Following up on those labs is not fun, but also very important. I have had that huge panel drawn every three months, and my vitamin concoction has been "tweaked" a little each time. I hope that once my body settles in to it's new size this won't be necessary, but I can't tell without those tests. I am thankful for Dr. Elariny's committment to post-op care.
I also really appreciate the support group meetings each month. I am reminded that I am never alone in this, have meet some really neat people, and always learn something new each month.
Surgery and weight loss do not solve everything though. I am often reminded that just because I have gotten my act together this year, not everyone else has. That can be frustrating and at the same time bring out such compassion in me. Psychologically, there is still plenty to deal with, from the reactions of those around me, to myself and my relationship with food. I would say that most of my issues with food are as they should be - I certainly don't feel out of control with food. I still want to eat my way through stress, or emotional wounds sometimes and am often telling myself that it's absolutely fine to feel the way I'm feeling, and that no amount of food will change the way I'm feeling.
I have worked hard this year, and proved to myself that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. I don't think I ever fully realized how my self-confidence had been impacted by my weight. It is a wonderful feeling to like the reflection in the mirror!
December 20, 2005
51 weeks post-op. I really find it hard to believe that almost a year has passed. No change in weight this week, which is good considering I have had a few bites here and there of Christmas goodies. I really am enjoying the holidays though, and know I feel better not eating all the junk. Thank heavens for nuts though - they are usually at every event and make for easy munching if I feel I must.
I have not had any alcohol this past year, but today did have a small serving - I could tell too! I really didn't care for it - thank goodness.
Next week on the 28th, my one year anniversary from surgery, will also be my 20th wedding anniversary. What a day of celebration! I plan to post again on or near that day, then maybe just monthly from then on. I've been pretty good about keeping up with this journal each week this year - and it has been a great way to track my weight loss and keep up with the other aspects of this journey. I have worked hard, and have been blessed beyond my greatest expectations. How very thankful I am!
December 13, 2005
50 weeks post op - what a year this has been! I'm down a pound this week, but it could just be a daily fluctuation. I feel really comfortable where I'm at size wise now.
I had a wonderful weekend with my husband's family. I cooked up a storm and managed my own food consumption quite well. I have had small tastes of sweet things here and there, but it doesn't make me want more. I have to work harder to get all my water in when it's cold out. I'd rather drink hot tea all day, but since that doesn't count as water I can't do that.
My insurance gave me initial approval to see a plastic surgeon. I will do that in a couple of weeks. I go back and forth about more surgery. I will have a tt if I can, but I think right now I would rather have the sagging skin on my neck removed and a tuck here and there on my face. We'll see though - I'm just in the information gathering process right now.
This has been an amazing year!
December 6, 2005
What a beautiful day outside with all the snow! And even better to have a snow day from work! My husband's family is coming up for the weekend and I feel like there is still so much to do around here. I never feel like there are enough hours in the day, or days in the week......but it continues to feel wonderful to have the energy and stamina to do whatever I need to do.
Last Saturday when I went for my walk, it was really cold out, so I decided to try jogging a bit until I warmed up. I can't remember the last time I did that - maybe college days? Anyway, I ended up jogging the first quarter of my 3-mile loop, then walking to the halfway point, jogging the third quarter, and walking the final segment. It felt wonderful - though I became reacquainted with my hip flexors the next day!
I am back down to my lowest recorded weight now. I'm comfortable where I'm at, but would also like to lose 7 more pounds - that would make me half the woman that I used to be - it's really the novelty of that that appeals to me. Either way, this has been the most amazing year and I am ever so thankful I had this opportunity!
November 29, 2005
No change in my weight this week - I am 48 weeks post-op - yesterday was my 11 month anniversary. I take a picture every month to chart my changing shape - it's funny because when I look at the recent pictures, I don't feel that small. However, when I go back and compare them to photos from the last 20 years......
Thanksgiving went really well. I ate a couple of pecans from a pecan pie - that was about the sweetest thing I tried. The meal itself was easy, it is the grazing that I struggle with, and the mindset that I was entitled to graze since I wouldn't be eating a big meal. All in all though, it was not as bad as I thought it might be. I'm sure being this far out of surgery helped too. I didn't think the first couple of months were "that" bad at the time, but looking back they were certainly the toughest times. I continue to be so thankful I had this surgery!
November 22, 2005
My weight has really fluctuated this week - up as much as 7 pounds one time. I think it is related to my menstrual cycle though - it's not unusual for me to retain fluids like that, but typically not that much. This morning I was only up a pound but I must admit seeing a 7 lb gain on the scales freaked me out a little! All in all though, things are still going very well. I have a great deal to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!
November 15, 2005
46 weeks post-op. I lost one more pound this week for a total loss of 128 since surgery. My daughter gave me a hug last night, and I realized she could get her arms all the way around my body and clasp them together behind my back. That was the most wonderful feeling!
I'm doing a much better job of carving in time to exercise, otherwise just continuing to do all the things I've been doing. Life is wonderful!
November 8, 2005
I'VE MADE MY GOAL OF A NORMAL BMI! I actually lost 3 pounds this week and continue to feel great! I have been doing a great deal of reflecting recently, thinking about how different my life was last year at this time vs. now. It has been a tremendous blessing to have had this opportunity and it's just wonderful to feel so good in this body!
November 1, 2005
44 weeks post-op, down one more pound for a total loss of 124. I have felt really tired this week, but I've been on the go much more than normal, and have not been getting in the exercise that I was used to.
I've told more people now that I've had this surgery. For one thing, it's worked well and I just feel better about myself overall, so it's much easier to talk about my struggles with weight. The other thing is the realization that the only way my experience can benefit anyone else is if I tell about it, and I don't want to take complete credit for the weight loss when I know how much surgery has helped me. It still feels wierd knowing people are discussing my weight so I just try not to think about that!
October 25, 2005
I lost two pounds this week! It's been a crazy week though, I didn't get my exercise in like I normally do. With the days getting shorter, I guess I'm going to have to get back on that treadmill - I prefer being outside, but I've got to stay in the routine.
Eating and vitamins are still going well. I did up my calcium intake and added vitamin D after my last labs. Both were in the normal range, but on the lower end of the range. I think it's really important to stay on top of those labs. I've had a panel drawn every three months, and the results have brought on an adjustment in my supplements each time. I think that's been an important factor in how I feel - which is great!
October 18, 2005
That which was gained has now been lost - so I'm still down 121 after 42 weeks. I feel great!
October 11, 2005
No loss this week - actually I'm up a pound from last week. I think that's a first. I don't think it's unusual, but mentally there is going to be an adjustment ahead. We get so used to seeing pounds come off each week - and of course that can't continue indefinitely but yet we get hooked on that feeling of success. At least I know I have. I also know that I've not done as well with my water intake the past few days and didn't get in as many days of exercising as I normally do this week. It's a good reminder to me that maintaining this loss is going to take the same dedication to diet and exercise as losing the weight has. It is so tempting to become complacent at this point - I don't want that to happen!
I had my nine-month follow-up last week. I had the labs done again and was very pleased with the results. My iron and calcium were low at three months, borderline normal at six, but well into the normal range now. Everything else was fine too - and that was great to see. I'm thankful Dr. Elariny's team is so focused on monitoring our health post-op. This has been an incredible year!
October 4, 2005
40 weeks post-op - 2 more pounds off this week for a total of 121. I am 4 pounds away from having a NORMAL BMI. I would have never believed this could be possible! There is nothing that I have ever eaten that tastes as good as this feels!
September 27, 2005
Another 1.5 pounds gone this week - a total of 119 lost in the past 9 months. In many ways, I feel like my eating is just routine now. The issue I've worried most about lately is that I still want to graze if I'm bored, stressed etc. Granted, I make better grazing choices, but that is not what concerns me - it's the behavior itself that I feel is out of control. There's not a great deal of stress and anxiety in my life - this is just the normal types of stuff that everyone deals with that I react this way to. In terms of the big picture of my day I do pretty well - exercising, staying busy etc. It's just those moments that I've not figured out how to substitute things for yet - and it's those moments that I fear could be an eventual downfall if I don't learn how to manage them soon.
My goal is in sight - to be in the "normal" BMI range, I need to lose another 6 pounds. There has been more than one person though, who says that is too much for me to lose. I think they are just so used to knowing me as a larger person that they just can't visualize me being more like them. Others seem to feel like while the surgery is good to help me lose some of the weight - I don't deserve to get rid of "all" of it that easily. I must admit that sometimes I feel like that is too good to be true as well - that I don't deserve to be that successful because of how much and how long I abused my body with food. These are just mental struggles though - and not unusual to have - yet they must be dealt with.
I'm so thankful these are my issues right now - especially when I think of where I was a year ago!
September 20, 2005
38 weeks post-op. I lost 2.5 pounds this week. It is so much easier to stay motivated when those scales move - even if it's just a little. I have a nine month follow-up next week, and had labs done again. It's sort of a pain, but really important to me to keep up with how things are going - especially this first year, and until my weight is stable. I'm 5'4" and can wear mainly 12's now - a few 10's. I weigh less than when I got married almost 20 years ago - which is just really amazing for me to think about. I'm thinking some about plastic surgery - right now I think I would focus on my face and neck first! Can't put any spandex around that, and there's more wrinkles and sags now that my face is so much smaller! We'll see - for now I'm just loving life and feeling so grateful I've had the opportunity to live it in a normal sized body again.
September 13, 2005
No change this week which is not much of a surprise. School started back, we were out of town over the weekend, and I only had one opportunity to exercise all week. That is key to continuing to lose weight. I'm almost caught up now though, so I will get back in a routine this week. I was walking every morning, but need to change that now with work. I feel great though and am so thankful I had this surgery.
September 6, 2005
The scales moved down 1 1/2 pounds this week. My total loss in 36 weeks is 115 pounds. I have 10 more pounds to lose before I have a BMI that is in the "normal" range. Granted, that's the outer most fringe of the normal range - but still......
We went to see some friends this weekend, and spent our first afternoon at the beach, the second one riding their jet ski on the intercoastal waterway. Coming home, I found myself really reflecting on all that I've done this summer - white water rafting, camping, amusement parks, roller coasters, jumping on a trampoline, walking all over NYC, playing in the water, riding a motorcycle and jet ski...... I have had the most amazing time! I can not think of any food that I'm either allowed to eat, or will never eat again, that tastes anything close to as good as it feels to have this weight off. I am so blessed!
August 30, 2005
35 weeks post-op. It was 8 months ago that I had this surgery. I don't know how this week was any different from the past couple but I lost 4 pounds! You know, I've learned that the "cause and effect" relationship between food and weight does exist, but it is not nearly as immediate as I always thought it was. I always felt like if I was "good" for a few days or a week, then I should lose weight - and if I didn't, then I would get discouraged and give up. Also, if I was "bad" and the scales didn't reflect this the next day or so, I would allow myself to believe I had gotten by with this cheating - thus setting myself up to believe I could beat the system. Really though, we have to decide to keep doing what is right, regardless of the immediate results.
I feel great, and I am still doing very well at getting in my protein, water, and vitamins!
August 22, 2005
One more week - one more pound. Things are going great!
August 16, 2005
33 weeks post-op. One more pound gone this week. I was hoping for more, we were in NYC last week and I thought surely I walked and sweated off a good bit! We went with my husband to a conference, and though I would not characterize myself as a city lover, we had a great time taking in all the sights. I was the only one not complaining at the end of the day about how tired they were.
It was "interesting" for me to deal with food on this trip. For the first time that I can ever remember, my husband was the one who was eyeing all the different foods and restaurants - wanting to try everything - wanting to talk about what the next meal would be. I really couldn't care less - I knew I wouldn't be eating the pasta, pizza, desserts etc, and was not interesting in going to places that would be mentally challenging. I would not go back to the size I was in order to eat that kind or amount of food again for anything, but it is still tough to feel like I'm being teased by what I can no longer eat, and by the people around me who can enjoy that food without losing control. I've never had issues with alcohol, but if I had to guess I don't think the way I often feel is too different. The upside of this, is that every day I get stronger mentally - for I see more and more how much better it is to feel good, to weigh less, and to feel the freedom I have now compared to the bondage I was in.
Total weight loss -108.5
August 8, 2005
My family is headed out of town this evening so I'm recording my loss a day early. 1 1/2 pounds gone this week - total is -107.5 I'm still feeling great, though I did eat some beef last night too quickly, and was again reminded of how this surgery works!
August 2, 2005
One more pound gone this week. I think slow and steady will be my speed from here on out. I'd like to lose another 20-25 pounds, this would put my BMI in the normal range. I should also acknowledge though, that I have already lost more than I expected to. I continue to feel great. I can eat more, often closer to three ounces at a time, but it really depends on what I'm eating. Nothing has really bothered me lately. I am becoming more comfortable in my skin - but that is still an adjustment. Hair loss is slowing down - but not stopped. All in all, this has been great!
July 26, 2005
30 weeks post-op, two pounds gone this week - total loss 105 pounds. Wow. Our family went to Busch Gardens and Water Country USA on Sunday and Monday. What a blast! I confess I rode the new, hi-tech roller-coasters - awesome! Honestly, even though they may go higher, faster, they are such a smooth ride compared to the older, smaller ones that I think they are easier on our bodies. It is just wonderful to go places with my family, not worry about not fitting on the rides or be so embarassed as to how I look in shorts or a swim suit. I stayed much busier this past week, and did better on the grazing thing. The key for me is staying out of the house - at least for now. Just like everything else, some days are much better than others.
I feel wonderful these days. I am very good about taking my vitamins and getting in my protein and water each day - not perfect but really diligent. I use a pill organizer to make sure I keep up with everything - that is a big help. I still prefer the Unjury vanilla protein with Crystal lite orange - and have a shake every morning. You know, I think if I had ever been able to stick to a diet as well as I have this one, I would have never had a weight problem. However, this is a huge committment to have this surgery, and I took my decision very seriously, thus have taken my new eating habits just as seriously. I feel so sad when I read about people who are willing and eager to have the surgery, but want it to do all the work for them. We have to be willing to change too. It's hard, more so than I want it to be at times, but the payoff is so well worth it. How thankful I am to have had this opportunity!
July 19, 2005
29 weeks out, 1 pound loss this week. The weight loss is slowing down, but that's what everyone says happens. My hair loss might be slowing down some now too, but maybe that's just me wishing! I had a lot of hair to begin with. I still feel like it looks ok, but it really has changed.
I've been struggling lately with grazing - I'm at home during the summer and it's always been my coping mechanism to stress and boredom. I don't want to get back into that habit and I need to find good substitutes for that behavior. It's mainly a problem in the afternoon. Too hot to be outside then, I've already exercised by then, and I feel restless during that time. It's better if I'm out and about, but I don't want to do that everyday. I am making good choices when I graze, but it's the behavior that is really bothering me, and the desire to substitute it with something more productive. What does one do if they don't eat, drink, or smoke?!
I can eat more now, but the amount varies depending on what I eat. I still don't get excited about food, I just go for the protein. I have not tested the dumping syndrome yet, and do not plan to. I have learned that I can get along just fine without cakes and cookies, and it's just easier to not go there. I do enjoy sugar-free hard candies - especially after a meal when I'm waiting until I can drink again, and I eat a sugar-free Reeses's cup about once a day. If you eat too much of that, it will give you gas and bowel problems, however, I have also found that it helps tremendously with keeping me regular - that and a little coffee each morning. So I think of it as a substitute for a fiber pill!
I would like to lose another 25 pounds, but I don't know if that will happen or not. I weigh now pretty close to what I weighed when I got married, less than my highest weight in college. Of course it doesn't look the same on my body. I think about plastic surgery - mainly thinking that if this is what I look like now, just imagine how this will all hang after aging another 10-15 years. I feel so much better than I did, and certainly look better in clothes. But naked....well, I just won't go there.
All in all, I'd do it over again in a heart-beat, and though I feel there is a right time and place for events in one's life, I wish I could have been at this place years ago. Still, I'm so fortunate to have had this done before my health got any worse. 2005 is turning out to be quite a year!
July 12, 2005
28 weeks post-op, down 102 pounds. I continue to be amazed at how good I feel! I'm up early every morning, walking three miles each day - or at least 6 of 7 days. But then, rather than that being the only major thing I'm able to get accomplished with my day, I continue to have the energy for whatever I want or need to do. I took my daughter and her friend to King's Dominion yesterday - all day. I walked and walked and kept up with no trouble, and was still ready for my three miles this morning. My daughter is more worn out than I am! Everything seems so much bigger these days - chairs, bathroom stalls, rides at the park, you name it. I'm not always bumping into things.
I kept the pair of capri jeans that fit me best last summer and I got them out this morning. What an emotional experience - so sad to see where I was, and so overwhelmed with thanksgiving at where I am. I looked over what I wrote in my profile last summer - I was getting the insurance run-around, and felt so discouraged. Looking back, I think the hardest part of this journey so far has been not giving up last summer. I hate to think of continuing to feel the way I did had I not had this surgery. It is a tough place in life to be morbidly obese, though I can think of many things that would be worse. Surgery is not for everyone, but it has helped me to change my life.
July 5, 2005
I didn't get to weigh myself last week because I was out of town, but the scales this morning told me I am an official member of the CENTURY CLUB! What an amazing feeling!
Our family tent camped for the past two weekends - I had a blast going white water rafting for the first time! In between the camping trips my kids and I spent time at my parent's home in NC. My mom and I enjoyed shopping together, but I must admit I'm not the shopper I envisioned myself to be. There are just too many choices out there. I wish I could just find my store or two, or label or two that were a good "fit" then I could stick to those.
Physically I feel great though I've had a couple of comments from people that are making me more self conscious about my extra skin - which I didn't think was "that" bad. However, when someone tells you that you look great, then follows with "will they be able to do anything about your excess skin?" - you become a little more aware. My follow-up was that I didn't lose this for vanity's sake, but for my health - which is true. Still, I'm finding that as I lose weight I'm becoming more interested in looking good too, rather than just feeling good. I guess there will always be something to deal with!
June 21, 2005
Oh my gosh - I am NO LONGER OBESE! I am just overweight! As much as I have dreamed about having a day like this, I would never have really believed it could come true! I lost 4 more pounds this week, bringing my total lost to 96 pounds! My 14 year old daughter weighs 95 pounds, so I look at her and think about the fact that I've lost her from my body! I try to imagine carrying her around with me all day - no wonder I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without pausing before the top to catch my breath! Next week is my 6 month anniversary, and I would love to lose an even 100 by then - though I'm also not obsessing about numbers nearly as much as it sounds like from reading over what I write each week. This is a great way to keep track of my progress though.
I have my 6 month follow-up with Jennifer tomorrow. I picked up my labs this week from my pcp - they are much improved. Vit A is still low, though much higher than it was. My iron and calcium are now within normal range, though on the lower side. My blood pressure was 124/78, cholesterol is 141, the good stuff is high enough, the bad is low enough. My pcp is great - she is so on top of how I'm doing and is really interested in keeping up with me.
You know, sometimes I get so sad when I think about where I was less than a year ago. Then again I think about how many people I know at my age (43) are agonizing over how their bodies are changing after turning 40, how things are getting so much tougher, and yet I find myself feeling reborn - life is just wonderful, even with all it's problems and frustrations! I am blessed with a wonderful husband and kids, and a great life, and that was true even when I was morbidly obese. The people that matter to me loved me just as much then as they do now. The difference for me is how I feel - I don't feel out of control when it comes to food, that demon does not hold me captive anymore. I praise God for the opportunity to experience this freedom, and all the blessings that go with it.
This weekend our family is going tent camping with a group of relatives. I would have never considered doing this before, and now I'm actually looking forward to it! It feels wonderful being active with family and friends. Life is good!
June 14, 2005
Slower weight loss this week - only 1.5 pounds. I've had a couple of afternoons where I wanted to graze and snack my way through the evening. I've got to stop that - I'm so afraid of bad habits creeping back into my days. I think I'm bored when I do that, and also stressed. I think this heat and humidity are zapping me a little more than I would have thought too. I had a great walk last evening - sweated a lot, but thought I drank plenty too. Today and this afternoon I'm really dragging though. I'm feeling a little bored with my diet too - I need to find some new things to eat. Still, I would not change a thing!
24 weeks post-op - down 92 pounds.
June 7, 2005
I am 23 weeks post-op. I've lost 2.5 pounds this week - so I'm a half pound below what a weighed when I got pregnant with my first child - 18 years ago! The pounds certainly don't sit on my body the same way, but I'm not complaining about that. I will say, this is not a surgery you should consider for vanity's sake. Losing this much weight causes more sags, wrinkles, hanging flesh etc...naked is not pretty! However, to feel this good has been more than worth it for me.
I continue to experience hair loss - annoying but not that bad.
Life is good!
May 31, 2005
Well I lost 3 more pounds this week. I feel great!
May 24, 2005
Down 4 pounds this week - 5 more and I'll be at the weight I was when I got pregnant with my first child - he's 17 now! It's funny though, even my husband was asking me last night if I didn't think I had already lost enough, and how much more was I hoping to lose. I pointed out to him that I'm still considered obese by the BMI charts and reminded him of some of my friends who are pretty much my height and much smaller - and asked what was wrong with me wanting to be that size? Not that I would be able to necesarily, but what is wrong with wanting that? He saw my point - it's just been a sudden change for him too, and it takes time to adjust. I've also been getting some really nice compliments from people - and that feels so wonderful!
I have been experiencing some hair loss now. Fortunately for me, I have pretty thick hair - so much so that I usually get it thinned out when it's cut - but this last time I got it cut, I did not do that. The girl that cuts my hair has also had WLS - over 2 years ago - and just had a baby in March! She was a great source of information and encouragement for me and knows and understands about the hair loss. It really reminds me of how my hair reacted after having both my kids - fell out some, felt pretty thin for a while, then grew back as my body readjusted to all the changes I had put it through.
Life is good!
May 17, 2005
Well, after having such a good loss last week, the scales didn't move a bit this week! Go figure! I'm ok though, I can tell how the pattern goes. I had a really busy week and for the first time since surgery felt tired during the day - I mean tired like I used to feel, where I wanted to take a nap - and actually did a couple of times. I've actually had people commenting that I'm "wasting away", which I think is so silly considering I'm wearing a 16. I've also discovered that people think it's pretty silly of me to desire to be a 12 - as though I in no way would deserve it since I've been overweight for so long. We always talk about how no one can understand what it's like for us - and that's true. But I remind myself that there are many struggles and addictions in life that others deal with that I can not understand, and that it's quite likely I would come off as insensitive as I perceive others are if I were talking to those people - not because I don't care, but because I can't really understand. I just thank and praise God everyday that I was able to finally get some help for my weight that is working.
Today I am 20 weeks post op, and I've lost 81 pounds.
May 10, 2005
Don't know why, but this was a great week - down another 5 pounds. It's funny though, because I can't say that I did anything differently this week than two weeks ago when I only lost a pound. It's just the way my body decides to deal with the changes. The great lesson in this, is to just keep doing what you are supposed to and give it time to work - it is such a great lesson for me. In my old dieting days I was always playing around, to see what I could get by with whereas now, I've just made changes that I want to be permanent, so there are no games being played with myself. I feel wonderful and look pretty good if I say so myself (at least with clothes on!) I think my hair is getting a little thinner but I don't see it as a problem yet. I really think even more than my size and losing weight, I am appreciating how good I feel emotionally.
May 3, 2005
I can't believe it's May already! Down 3 pounds this week - it's good to see the scales moving a little faster again. Went shopping this weekend and discovered I really fit into very little in the "womens" department now, so I ventured out into the vastness of the "misses" department. I must admit it was almost too much. In some ways it is much easier to walk into a store, find two pair of black pants in your size, and pick the one that actually gets around you. Now I can find tons of things that fit around me, and have to move on to other criteria to make a choice about what to purchase! I will most certainly manage to adapt!
Total weight loss 76 pounds! Life is good
April 26, 2005
Slow week weight wise - only 1.5 pound loss. That combined with last week's slow loss is making me concerned and frustrated, but I'm trying not to dwell on that, and focus on all the things I'm enjoying instead. My husband and I went away to the beach last weekend. The weather wasn't that great, but we walked and walked on the beach - which I love, and was able to do with ease. I love how good I feel and hearing him tell me again and again how good I look, and how proud he is of me. I did make the mistake of eating too many crab legs, and had to throw up some in order to feel better. That was my first time eating crab and I thought it would be great since you have to spend so much time getting the meat out. It was in that regard, but not so good in that I didn't get a visual on how much I was eating until I had eaten too much! Next time I'll know better! The good thing was, I got instant relief from throwing up and it didn't mess up our evening at all! I finally talked to my husband about his eating with gusto - and I can tell he's trying to slow down more too. I love that man. Life is good.
April 19, 2005
16 weeks post-op. I lost only 2.5 pounds this week - so I'm at a 62 pound loss since surgery. For some reason today I'm feeling really frustrated that it's slowing down. You hear people talking about regular dieting and they say you can lose 2-3 pounds a week - yet it's taken surgery and a drastic change in eating habits and that's still all I lose. Granted I never lost the 2-3 pounds per week any other way. I'm not complaining - I'm thrilled. Ok, I guess the real thing is, that it's harder than I thought it would be to sit at the table with my husband and eat. He was gone when I had the surgery and for the first three months afterwards - but now that he's back I'm realizing more and more what a "routine" eating was with him. He eats with gusto, and enjoys his food - which is good - I used to eat the same way with him. It's just now I can't, but he still can -and does. I resent that - at least today I do. Tonight at dinner I didn't enjoy my food because I was distracted by him enjoying his. It's not his fault and it's my issue to deal with - but this was much easier when he wasn't here.
On a more positive note, he and I played tennis on Sunday afternoon. It was the first time I had played in probably 14 years - and it felt wonderful. Of course I'm terrible, but then again I was able to move much better than I ever thought I would. I am so thankful for the energy I have now - then again I'm selfishly wanting more. I'm feeling really impatient today.
April 12, 2005
15 weeks post-op - down 59.5 pounds. The next pound I lose will put me out of the 200's and into the 100's - I never would have thought I'd see those again. I went shopping yesterday for some new tops and for the first time in who knows how long - I had to go to the misses section - not the women's. I just sat in the dressing room and cried - tears of joy and disbelief! I can't quite figure out who the woman in the mirror is - she doesn't look like the person in my pre-op photos, but she doesn't look like she can fit in the clothes she is wearing either. I like her though....... life is good!
April 6, 2005
I missed last week's update - my husband came home from Iraq! It is wonderful to have him back again, and of course he was amazed at how I had changed. I was really worried about how I would adjust to him being back - in other words, cooking more, and having him eat more. There are certainly times when I miss eating a whole lot, but then I do eat and I get full so quickly, and am miserable if I have too much. I do think I can eat more now, closer to two ounces than one. It really depends on the food and how it's prepared. I've lost 7 more pounds in the last two weeks, so at 14 weeks post-op I'm down 57. It's getting easier to exercise and I find myself more committed to doing so. My husband has been walking with me which is great too.
I had my three month check-up last week and everything is pretty much ok. Some of my levels were off - zinc was high, vit A low, iron was still low - bottom line was the supplements were changed around a bit and they will do more blood work before my six month appointment with Jennifer. Waseem told me I was clear for all activity, then happened to mention as an afterthought - no rollercoasters for at least six months - and really not ever. I was floored - for we had plans to head to King's Dominion that afternoon, and I was anticipating riding as much as I could take! We discussed it, and he gave me permission to ride the Rebel Yell - and you know, afterwards I could tell it was enough, and I would not have wanted to ride them all. BUT, that one ride was AWESOME - I love rollercoasters but like us all, could not fit in the seats before - and this time there was no problem! I felt NORMAL! My husband said he could not remember the last time I laughed so much.
I also did some shopping last weekend for a dress to wear to a formal dinner coming up. It was so wierd - I used to only be able to wear some 24's - and they would be tight, now 20's are baggy and the dress I ended up getting was a 16! I got some pants that were 16's too - of course I first tried on the 20's then the 18's - I just don't see myself as a 16. I've decided because of the obesity epidemic, clothes are made much bigger than they used to be - what used to be a 20 is probably a 16 now!
Either way it is fun to have clothes that are too big for a change!
Last night I had the opportunity to attend the support group meeting - hadn't been able to get there while husband was away. It was great - and I look forward to going every month. Life is good.
March 22, 2005
Twelve weeks post-op now, and I'm down 50 pounds since surgery, 60+ overall. I'm just amazed at what a difference that much weight can make, and though I look forward to losing more, I'm thrilled with where I am right now. I've settled into a pretty predictable routine, a protein shake first thing in the morning, following by food about 3 hours later, then lunch 3 hours after that, protein shake 3-4 hours later, then dinner, and that's it. I can eat between 1-2 ounces depending on what it is, and I find that even though things taste just as good as they always have, my appetite for them is different. I go through phases where I enjoy something a lot, then I'm tired of it for a while. There are times when I miss eating a lot and sometimes I "binge" by having a wheat thin - notice I said "a" and not "a box of". I find that it's easier when I have the opportunity to eat a bite of several different things rather than just one thing. Since my husband's been away, it's so much easier to just have the one thing, rather than a variety, but he's due home soon so I know I'll start cooking more again. I keep things around the house that I can't have, but my kids enjoy, and though it sometimes makes me wish I could have them, I've not tried anything yet - no sugar, no soda - and my plan is to never test the "dumping syndrome". There have been a couple of times where I ate too fast, and thus ended up feeling really full - to the extent that I made myself spit-up to feel better. But really things have gone amazingly well - much better than I anticipated.
My husband should be back in about 10 days. I've lost over 60 pounds since he saw me last, and he has no idea how much I've lost. He knows I had the surgery of course, but when we talk about it, his concern is always for how I'm feeling and he doesn't ask how much I'm losing - so I've not told him! I used to have this fantasy of how cool it would be if we ever had to be separated like this, to really transform myself to a new and better person during that time and really make an impression upon seeing him again - wow, it's come true! Not only in terms of the weight, but just how I feel about myself. I'm still not crazy about how my body looks - but I feel so much better about my eating - it's not out of control - I don't feel like a slave to food anymore - and that is the most wonderful feeling of freedom. Life is good!
March 15, 2005
Wow, the weeks just seem to fly by these days. Slow loss this week, only 2 pounds so I'm down 46 since surgery. I started working a few weeks ago, and it's made it much harder to get in my walking each day. My job keeps me on my feet and moving quite a bit, but it's not the workout I really want. So far, I'm still feeling really well. I had my lab work for my three month check-up drawn last week - they took 17 vials of blood! I've not gotten any results yet.
The only big problem I've had, is that week before last, I had to go out of town for a funeral, and for three days, my routine was way off, and I didn't have the opportunity for a couple of those to drink like I should. I got very constipated - like I have never been before and never want to be again! This is the only problem I've had though, and for that I'm so thankful. I'm very happy I've had this surgery.
March 8, 2005
Down 3.5 pounds this week - hubby returns in two weeks - I've lost over 50 pounds since he saw me last! I feel great - but am having to get rid of all my old clothes now - nothing fits me, not even the smaller clothes that I had packed away when I outgrew them years ago "just in case" I were to ever lose the excess weight. Granted, this is a problem I'm willing to embrace!
March 1, 2005
Lost 5.5 pounds this week - grand total of 40 pounds gone since surgery. I feel wonderful!
February 22, 2005
Eight weeks after surgery and feeling wonderful. Weight loss is slow, but steady - only 3.5 pounds this week for a total of 34.5 pounds lost. I carried about 20 pounds of books today for a short distance - and thought about how I've lost more than twice that since my husband deployed. (I managed to drop 10 pounds before surgery). It makes such a difference in how I feel to have this much weight off, can't wait to see how I'm feeling in a few more weeks! People are starting to notice the weight loss too, and giving me nice compliments. What a great feeling!
February 15, 2005
Seven weeks post-op. The scales moved this week, and I'm now down 31 pounds since surgery. I'm starting to see a pattern here - losing well for a couple of weeks, then nothing for a week or so, then losing again. Now, if I can just keep myself from getting down during the times the scales don't move - it is SO much more exciting when they are showing the loss! I'm also no longer morbidly obese, which is a wonderful feeling. I hope I will always remember how that feels and appreciate the difference between then and now - and whatever lies ahead.
Foods are still treating me well. I did eat a couple of shrimp the other day that I didn't really chew up well enough - they sat and caused some discomfort until I went for a walk - finally after about an hour I felt better. I won't make that mistake again for some time!
My husband will hopefully be home in about six weeks. I've lost 41 pounds since he deployed (10 before surgery) - I've not been this size in at least 12 years - and I hope to be even smaller by his homecoming! Life is good!
February 7, 2005
Six weeks post-op. The good news is, I still feel wonderful, the frustrating news is that I only lost a pound this week. I even had a couple of days where I gained - which really freaked me out. I'm trying to up my water intake - though I was getting in over 70 ounces a day anyway, I'm watching my carbs very carefully and keeping them under 50 grams a day, and I'm making sure I get 70+ grams of protein in. I get 60 from the two protein shakes a day, and about 10-20 more in the foods I eat. I'm eating three times a day - about an ounce at a time. So what is with my body?! I'm walking three miles a day now - it takes me almost an hour. I can tell a difference in clothes, I've gone down a size - really more since the clothes I was wearing pre-op were really way too tight, and I'm comfortably in a size smaller now. It just doesn't make sense to me that I've not lost more - especially when you just do the math and look at my intake vs what I'm burning. I know there's all that about building muscle and metabolism - I guess I need to research that more and see what I can do to get things picked up. I just know from reading of others experiences that these first couple of months are usually huge, and then it tapers off. I feel like I tapered off after the first two weeks and if things don't get going, I'm not going to lose that much. I don't want that to be my story! The good news is, I have not given up - and there is the big difference between me dieting pre-op and now.
February 1, 2005
Five weeks post-op and -24.5 pounds. I feel fantastic! Foods that I'm eating still agree with me, though it's pretty much some type of fish, and those protein shakes. Frankly though, I'm not tired of them, they taste pretty good. I really love being able to deal with food on such a limited basis, but I'm guessing this will change when my husband returns. For now though, things are just great. The past couple of days I have increased my walking to 3 miles, and upped the pace in order to complete it in the same amount of time - which is just shy of an hour - so I'm not going all that fast really. It feels so good to go up a hill and not have to stop and catch my breath, and to be able to go up and down my stairs as much as I need to without huffing and puffing. Life is good!
January 25, 2005
Four weeks post-op today. The scales finally did start moving again, and now I've lost 19 pounds. I wish it were more, but I feel so good, and have so much more energy than I expected to at this point, that I'm not going to complain too much.
I had my appointment with Jennifer today. There wasn't too much new information, but it was good to go over some things. Prior to surgery, I was so focused on getting through that event, that eating sort of took a back seat. Mainly though, it's all about getting in that protein and water, and keeping carbs to a minimum. I am drinking two protein shakes a day, one first thing in the morning, another mid-afternoon. I'm eating three times a day - about an ounce of some sort of protein at each meal - usually some type of seafood. All the rest of my free time seems to be consumed by drinking water! I've been surprised with all the water I drink, that I still don't go to the bathroom as often as I used to, before surgery. Jennifer pointed out that this is because I'm eating so much less, and we get a great deal of water from foods too - thus our body needs the water we are drinking all the more.
I'm walking 2.5 miles each day - which takes me a little less than an hour to do. I feel fantastic and have more energy now than I did before surgery. Life is good - and will be