Starting All Over.. Thank God for a second chance

Apr 24, 2009

We'll I applied for a job working for the Foundation Bariatric hospital as a nurse and got the job yeahhhhh! SInce the last endevour of my former employer changing insurance companies just when I had completed everything but needed to lose 8.5 lbs, my sis had her surgery and has lost all of her ecess weight. I have married a guy who was not good for me, spun into depression and gained all the weight I'd lost plus more. I felt there was no hope and I literally gave up almost wishing I could die. I felt like no man would ever love me this way and went back to my son's dad who was verbally and very emotionally abusive to me. I decided that it can get better than this. I watched my sister's life change and I decided It is way past time for mine to change too. I applied again for the job at the hospital where I wanted to have surgery and am starting in about a month. I am planning to work to hard towards getting this surgery and am so looking forward to helping others who have been thorugh the same things I have. I want to encourage people not to give up and to search for alternatives if the first second and third attempts to get approved don't work. Where there is a will there is a way. I currently feel like I live somewhere inside of this fat body but literally feel like I am dead. People treat me different because of my size. Men look the other way when I even walk by. I got in line to ride a roller coaster a couple of years ago just to be turned away because I couldn't even pull the safety bar down to latch. It happened while up on a platform in front of a huge line of people. ALl I could do is sob all the way down the steps and I literally found a bench hiding in the corner of the amusement park and waitied there until my family was ready to go. It ruined my whole Branson trip. It opened my eyes a little. Last week I went to the Crater of Diamonds State Park again and my now skinny sis snapped a pic of me that horrified me. I asked myself, when did I get supermorbidly obese. I don't remember myself looking this fat. I am thankfulo for the new job. I am so wiped out all the time and short of breath walking just a little ways. I feel like no man will ever love me. My husband (the loser) has been separated for me longer than we have been married doesn't even call me. I feel worthless sometimes but I am not. I help others in my profession and it is time for me to help myself. When I get the divorce I will be working on a new me. I realize how powerless and worthless people can make you feel when you are overweight. I am taking charge and the new me is going to be happy because I am taking care of me first. I am never never never settling for a relationship because I feel too worthless to have someone decent. I will do this and I will succeed. I do not believe I would have much hope without the chance for surgery. I am goiong to run with the chance when the weight starts shedding. I am going to exercise like no tomorrow and make that part of my daily routine. I feel I would die young if I did not get this chance. Please pray for me to do well at my new job and to lose the 10% of my body weight required for surgery.

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