H2OK
Does anyone ever wish to be morbidly obese?
I've asked myself why I can't fix this on my own more times than I can count...
I think I am an intelligent and "normal" person but for decades I have failed to find an answer. Failure in weight loss and shame has kept this a very private battle emotionally, although everyone around me can "see" that I was struggling with it - that part is impossible to hide.
Do I have all the standard excuses? Yes... and more. Heart condition, cancer and a recent divorce all haven't helped bring balance and strength into my life to fight this head on 24/7.
But there is a part of me that believes everything happens for a reason.
What doesn't kill you... Well, it DOES tend to make you stronger :)
The heart condition is stable, cancer has been gone for 3 years and the divorce... well, that one is pretty fresh... and has been hard on my heart but I believe I am in a better place, despite the shock of betrayal and the loss of trust in someone you spent 18 years of your life with. I think all these paths through adverse times have helped prepare me for the upcoming journey through bariatric surgery in their own ways.
I am 3 years into the wait for surgery. I was accepted into a bariatric program a year ago and believe I am close to receiving a surgery date. The wait for that date now is tough, but I have been through tougher :)
The struggle with emotional eating and self doubt is a daily challenge. I am slowly learning to accept that I can't do this on my own - no matter how smart I think I am. I am not a quitter.
So here I am. The journey has already started but I felt compelled to chronicle the efforts and struggles moving forward from this place. I know I have so much more to offer and I need to free myself from "this" that I see in a mirror. It's not who I am.
Accountability and sharing with like minds can be rather empowering, even in the weakest of moments so I hope this captures some of that energy for me. I could use always use it :)
H2OK