Amy W.

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One hour and I leave for surgery.

In the midst of all the emotions that I'm sure everyone else is familiar with I found myself this morning sitting alone in my bed with one final regret...

I'm sad, beyond words, that my Papa won't be here today. He was the one that always held my hand going into surgeries, he would stay with me until the doctor was literally wheeling me out of Pre-Op. I'm sad that he's not around to see this happen. When he was so sick and about to pass away I just remember him wanting this for me so bad because he always wanted me to be healthy and happy. He made my Grandma promise that she would see to it that I had this surgery, and while my insurance paid for me and I'm thankful for that he said he would have paid for it out of pocket if he had so. While there is so much joy in me and so much excitment and readiness, my heart seems to be at the moment in a million pieces because the one person that wanted this for me as much as I do isn't here anymore to share today with me. Thinking about how much he's missed out on and how much I've missed out by him being gone kills me inside.

If there is a God.. and if there is a heaven, and if people become Angels... I know he'll be with me today. In all my religious doubts, today I hope it's all real and that I won't be alone even in the OR.

Sorry for the ultra depressing post, I just needed to get that out before I got this last shower. Happy thoughts from now on, I promise.

I'll see you all on the other side!

So, in messaging my Band Buddy Mandy (We're having surgery almost at the same exact time) I realized I'm 12 hours, exactly from leaving to go to the hospital... I can't believe it. I simply can't believe I'm LITERALLY standing at the edge of the new journey.

It's a new chapter today. One chapter is over and the new one starts. I told myself this would be the first time I put me first. This is the first time I'm not worrying about a horrible roommate/friend mooching off me. The first time I don't have a horrible man in my life that's either treating me like crap or cheating on me. My divorce will be final soon enough, I've surrounded myself with amazing people. My house is pretty much orgainzed and clean (I still have some stuff to do) I'm searching for and will find an awesome job very soon (possitive thoughts here people) ... life is starting all over.

I can't believe it.


PS - I have given up on proof reading, so I hope if I make errors you guys can read through them I have a pseudotumor in my brain and it makes my thoughts and fingers jumbled sometimes, so please be forgiving. :)

Well, I'm 24 hours into my all liquid diet, and I'm pleased to report that no one near me has suffered a tragic death... YET! =D

So far I've had a lot of water, some coke (the drink, and while I've never done the drunk I can't help but wonder if it might help me through this process... lol JUST KIDDING!), and some soup that was meat-less, veggie-less, and noodle/rice-less... Kill me now.

So, negative Nacy has left the building, and I would now like to focus my attention on the fact that I saw a dear friend of mine yesterday that had lap-band 10 months ago and she looks PHENOMINAL! She went from over 300 to about 150 now in one year, which is crazy good on the lap-band. I'm pretty stoked and pumped.


5 days until Surgery! Ready to get this show on the road!

I'm 10 minutes away from my last day of having a "fat girl" meals, as I've come to call it.

The day after tomorrow starts my 6 day liquid diet prior to my lap band surgery. I'm very stressed about this, to be quite honest. It's going to be a LOT of water, gatorade, juice, and much my doctor's dismay soda. I haven't had a soda in MONTHS, and I don't have an addictive personality, but seriously, I'm not going to be able to have soda for a LONG ass time beccause it'll have bad side effects, so I'm going to have a damn soda, or a few, in the mean time.

I'll be real guys, I'm scared.. I've had "major surgery" but I feel so different about this one, just because it is higher risk, and while I don't like to call it an "elective surgery" because for me like I would guess most of the people on here, it's very much NOT an option, but it's not something like cancer, or having a hip replaced. I realize this surgery will help to prevent me from needing those types of sergeries one day, but non the less it does qualify on paper as an "elective".

So, One more day of my "old life" and then the last part of the "start" of my journey to a new, healthy, happier me begins. Then in 6 days the surgery will happen and I'll be on the real journey then, everything will go from working to that point to it being here and then working with my lap-band and using that tool to become the person I know is inside there under all this fat.

I'm so excited, and scared, thankful, and beyond anxious. Most of all though, I'm FUCKING READY! SO ready for this! 

I'm rather excited. Tomorrow I have an appoitnemtn with my PCP to get my letter of medical necessity dictated and sent to my surgeon. From there on Friday I have my upper G.I. scheduled. I'm ready to get it over with. My insurance company is being pretty great though. They're actually coporating and cheering me on. I'm not scared that I'll be denied considering I have some REALLY good people working for me.

My entire days of full of just being thrilled over having the chance to get this surgery done. I can't wait to get off some of my medications, I can't wait to have more energy, and to be able to keep up with my friends and family. I want to actually have the option to have a child as oppose to where I am now.

The cosmetic side effects are going to be nice, but the health benifits are what I'm looking forward to the most.

I've done all my Nutrition test, I've done my Psych evaluation, everything is finished but the final approval from the insurance company and the Upper G.I. I was told Friday surgery will probably be at the end of August or early September. It can't get here fast enough!