angmberry

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I found out Thursday that my insurance approved my request for RNY!!!!!  YEA!!!!

Now it seems more real, and I'm very excited. 

I have my EGD on Tuesday and I'm waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office about my next pre-op visit. 

Another thing on my mind is hair loss.  I lost so much hair from the pregnancy two years ago because I never stopped shedding.  It's coming back slowly, but the baby took a lot from me.  Had I not had so much hair to begin with I'd be bald!!!  So, I am on my iron and taking biotin hoping to go into this built up.  I have a feeling it's going to throw me back into hairloss.....I just hope to watch it closely unlike this last time with just  "hoping" it will get better and seeing the doctor a few times....I already have a hair complex.....

I really don't want to be in the wig market!  lol

So, I found out that my EGD got pushed back  from 11am to 5pm next week.....so NOW I have to be NPO for 8 hours during the day....which SUCKS!!!!!!  There's a patient with a mass that needs my spot which is completely understandable....but I'm gonna have to suck it up because I don't wanna wait until March.....so.....yeah......

On a good note, I did complete my sleep study Saturday.  No apnea.  *jersey shore fist pump*

On an impatient note, still waiting on my pre-cert.  I think the time frame is wrapping toward the back end, and I expect to know shortly....BUT I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!!!  Just for sure...I'm getting excited....but don't wanna get my hopes too high just in case....silly I know.

*Jeopardy music*

Still waiting on insurance approval.  I am definitely not a patient person, but know I qualify on weight alone.  So I'm just a tad anxious to make sure I have the green light.  I have my sleep study this weekend--fun way to spend Valentine's and Mardi Gras weekend, huh?  LOL   OH WELL....a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

My other anxieties and fears have subsided for the mean time and I am slowly getting used to the idea of bypass.  I'm also getting excited about the future!  (That's a good thing for a depress-o-matic like me!)  Coming to terms with the fact that in a year I will no longer be over weight.  I will be healthy.  I will look different.  I will FEEL different.  Amazing.  I look at people's before and after's and think, "wow, that will be me...."  

I have been heavy and over weight almost my entire life, and that is something I've learned to live with and accept.  I hope I learn to deal with the "new" me in a good way.  Do I define myself and life over my weight?  NO.  I have a ton a friends and am very outgoing when I'm not too depressed.  So hopefully I'll still be me, but a healthier version of myself.  I'm looking forward to not aching when I wake up in the morning, hopefully getting off my asthma inhalers, running a mile and then a 5K and feeling good about how I look. 

EXCITING!

My fears have been getting the best of me. 

Fight or Flight syndrome--check.  Tense muscles--check.  Irratible and snappy--check.  Headaches--check.  Irrational thoughts--check.  

Yeah, being in my head sucks....living with me probaby sucks too---sorry Eli.

Thank God Eli (suicide hotline boy) and Brad (the voice of collared reason) can talk me down from the ledge of doom.  I realize my fears are trying to sabotage my efforts and choice. 

I'm going to face my fears and personal monster head on.  I am not going to let it stop me from becoming healthy.   This monster is going down--in history.  I will win this battle.  I will embrace change.

I will let go... I will let go of bad habits.  I will let go of self-defeating control, fear and anxiety.  I will let go of the weight.  I will let go of unhappiness and depression.  I will let go of a negative self-image. 

I will be a new me...a better me...a healthy and happy me.

Here's to me!