AnninTX

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I am coming out.  I am having revision in the morning at Baylor with Dr Arnold.  I have done everything they have asked of me.  I have been too ashamed to come here and ask for support because it would mean sharing that I failed at my RNY surgery done four years ago.  

It was slow going from the very beginning even though I exercised, ate healthy, and was very compliant with all the post op rules.  When discouragement, new meds including steroids, and changes in habits all contributed to gaining weight, I was too embarrassed to come here and tell the truth.  I didn't want to share the negative side of all this.  I didn't want to discourage the pre-ops or sound ungrateful for the successes I did have.  I didn't want to stand up and share that I blew it.

As I have really examined what worked and what didn't I came to a realization this morning.  Going to our coffee support group at Starbucks every other week and staying connected with others via OH did help.  My plan is to do the things that will support my heart's desire to get a handle on my weight, address what has kept me fat, and create a lifestyle that assists me in those dreams.

So it is hard as hell but I am standing up to say I blew my first go round at using my tool to the best of my ability.  I take responsibility for it.  I don't blame the hospital where I had my surgery even though it is now closed because of bankruptcy or my surgeon who is no longer practicing.  They contributed to the problem because of how my surgery was done (according to MD who did my colonoscopy).

Today is a new day.  I am starting over.  Coming out here and telling the truth about what has happened and what is happening now will make a difference for me. 

Please hold a good thought in the morning for my surgeon Dr Arnold and the wonderful nursing staff at Baylor Medical Center. I do feel blessed to get to start over with an outstanding comprehensive bariatric program with excellent follow-up.  I am going to do my best this time.

Thanks for reading this long rambling post. 


ps. Maybe I can start going back to support meeting or the Dallas WLS Dinners without feeling horrible knowing how fat I am compared to the last time folks saw me.

 pss. If I get super brave and find the time before surgery, I will find a picture to put up.