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I had not slept much. I went to be at  2 am. I should have stayed asleep longer. My body likes to play tricks on me. I had a very vivid dream. In this dream, I saw my husband get up out of bed. I raised my head to see the time, and saw 6:50. So, I knew he was staying home. If he calls in sick or has a day off he is in bed later. He starts work at 6:30. 

I woke up from this dream, and saw the real time 6:37. I even went out into the living room looking for him. He was gone.

I did not go back to bed. Did I want to yes? Could I sleep then, I doubt it. I just have too many sleep issues. Only thing to do was do something. Here's me I just began my day. I love the scale this morning. I dropped weight from 246.4 to 245.5.

So, that was one strange event. The other was cooking the egg beaters and feeling the upper stomach, my friend, Pouchie, tell me I had enough. I had six bites and they were small.

Later, I heated up my broth...two mugs of broth. I reread the information, and the recipes in my little green notebook. 

I even cleaned the stove and above the stove. I worked all around the kitchen until a phone call started me looking something up on the computer.

And, that is my downfall, because I love this web site, and I also love playing games on Pogo.

I drank my water, I ate cottage cheese with some baby plum mixture. I talked with my daughter. I tried blended swordfish. Forget it. I will wait until Diet Advancement on February 6th.

Oh, and I made a protein shake. I did not drink it, just made it. It is in the fridge if I choose to drink it. I just suddenly felt like I did not want to drink it. I also had a question that I did not post. My big question is can we go from drink to drink? From broth, to a different broth, to protein shake, to water? Or do we have to stop, and eat?

It seems that I am at the kitchen sink so often during the day. And all those spoons, and little bowls. They are so cute! I am always cleaning the Magic Bullet. 

I cleaned the outside of the dishwasher, the front of the stove, the front of the fridge, some cabinets... I am getting to be a cleaning nut case. It is not that this house is spotless. Naw, I scrubbed and scrubbed but still see more to do. I decided or reconfirmed that I do not like this white counter, and the white cabinets.

But, I love my scale.

For today, I love it.

I got panicky again. Not a strange occurence, but since I spent money yesterday I was wondering if I would have enough money for rent. Low, and behold I have plenty. I did not get much in my paycheck because I did not have one single overtime hour!

Gsoh, I remember when that one supervisor suggested to me that I need not work overtime as all the other carriers where doing. Then, when I said I was on the list she took me in the conference room and stated that from now on I was off the list. It was a huge problem for me from that day in 2005 until I was reinstated on the overtime list in late December 2006!

The postmaster, Richie Burke, who had me sitting at a desk working in the outer office agreed with her. I saw him when he came in and when he went out on the workroom floor. He called Bobby often, he loved Bobby. Me, gosh, he treated me with a fake look. You know, when you only pretend to look and listen.

I answered the calls, I prepared, and fixed the vehicle report. I did a lot as part of my job. Not just for him. I take pride in my work. 

So, he kept denying my right to work overtime, and it went further. I am so proud of my union. We fight had to win grievances like this one that should not have even happened. So, I started gaining weight. I know if I track my weight, I will show that within months of losing the ability to work overtime...I went to my highest weight!

I kept thinking these strange low self esteem thoughts. I knew I was respected in the work I did for my church, and at the camp where I was a counsellor, and crafts person for 14 years. But, here is where I went to work now five days a week.

Well, neither the postmaster, nor the supervisor are working in Framingham any more. He was demoted, and she chose to leave.

In 2006, I put a lot expenses on my charge cards like gas and groceries, and birthday gifts, and Christmas.I even used cards that had been dormant but I signed up for just in case I needed them when I travelled to England two years earlier. 

You know you are getting too much in debt when you pay the minimum, I kept seeing this. Even helping out Kris when she needed tires for her car was a huge expense. Amy had a tough time that year and asked to borrow some to get gifts for Christmas. It went on a card. 

So, when I was able to work, I paid off all my debts and that was a relief. I paid off the car, Target, Capital One, two Chase cards, the loan from my credit union, the car insurance all at once. It seemed as if I was sending out the utilities as they came in and not putting them aside until the very last moment.

So, here I was panicking cause I spent money!

I feel that this will always be with me. I remember my parents fighting over money. Yelling when we were supposed to be sleeping.

I slept til 4, and tried to get back to sleep. I managed to sneak a little more time in but gave up about 5 30. I spent the early part of the day cleaning. I also looked through my cabinets for things that I will not be using in the future to give to Amy. 

She called and came over by 1 30. She looked in all the bags. Amy decided that she would not take the candy pieces to make candy treats nor would she take the left over candy canes. She also decided that the mug from her senior high school reception was not worth keeping.

We went shopping, and I picked up new smaller underwear! Time to put the old saggy ones in the trash. I also found some workout clothes, long sleeve t-shirts, and pj pants. 

I tried on shoes at my daughter Kris' store. There was one pair I almost bought but it looked too much like the pair I was wearing with a thick soled medium heel. I decided I had enough spending for the day.

Amy's baby has finished liking the stage one and two baby food. I was able to eat the sweet potatoes and turkey for supper. I made a casserole for Bobby of chicken, potatoes, and carrots. He liked it almost too much. He wanted to go back for thirds. I wish he would bring some lunch to work so he is not so ravenous when he arrives home. there he goes again!

We get our pay direct deposit on Tuesdays we can see how much we made, and withdraw some. I had expected a low amount because I had not worked any overtime. There it was..... Yet, I made the most I have made working for the post office last year with all that vacation time I took off. So, I guess I will have to go full steam again when back at work.

I would not be fit for working in these weeks that I am staying home. I keep resting. I cannot even go in part-time because that would mean I would rise with Bobby, and have to go home, and back to get him. I had thought I could do just that last summer. I came to realize it would make for too busy a day for me. I already have had gaps in feeding myself the required six meals a day. Just from getting involved with something here in this apartment.

I lost over a pound!

Finally, I managed to get all the water in, and eat six small meals. Granted that I did not find them terrific. I enjoyed the sf jello pudding the best. I had issues with the scrambled eggs.

It is almost time for bed, and I am happy to get on the right track. I feel tired. Now, to pray for a sound night's sleep. I will be busy tomorrow afternoon.

In the afternoon, my daughter will come over after a district meeting and take me shopping. I am so looking forward to seeing her. I have not seen her since Christmas.

She said,' Mom do you want to go shopping?', and 'you must realize how much I need to shop'. She lives down on Cape Cod where there are not the kind of stores she wants to shop in.

I think she is worried that I will be too tired for her shopping. Of course, I used to sit down when she went into stores to find what she needed for school. I would wait outside and she would let me know to come in and pay for the clothes. That was so many years ago, but with my bad knees, and weight I needed to sit. Now, I have cortisone in my knees, and lost nearly one hundred pounds.

God, I would love to lose weight in the morning.

I had to get up early to make the bus from church into Boston for the MLK Jr Breakfast. First, I was awakened by Bobby too early. He went out for coffee as he does most days. I must have fallen back to sleep. I woke up when he called me at 6 50. So, that left an hour to eat, shower and dress.

I heated up baby turkey along with grits. I could only eat a few spoons of this mixture. I had to shower. I dried myself, and put on Dolce Gabana Ultra Light Blue lotion to smell nice. I love it. 

In my closet, I chose some pants, now to find a blouse to fit. It is what takes so long. I lost so much weight that all the nice blouses are too big. I went with a blouse that was just a little big.

Bobby warmed up the car and I dressed quickly. I brought along a baby food jar of pears, Nectar Ice Tea flavor protein drink, 8 ounces of Spicy Hot V8 juice, and water. I was drinking the water on the bus. In the large room, there was a plate of fruit that I gave to my friend Brad, and later gave him the bacon on the plate. The retired minister who sat next to me said you are not eat much today. I did not know him, and just let it ride.

I drank the orange juice in the water to lessen the sugar rush, it seemed to be the right solution. I asked for Pat's orange juice, and more water in my glass. I drank the V8 juice in my coffee cup. I did not want to sit drinking from the plastic cup.

Watching the time, I hoped we would get the breakfast plate later in the morning then it came to us. I had to tell the minister next to me that I would eat the food in a few minutes. It is necessary to let the water filter out of the pouch before eating, I knew.

I put tobasco sauce on the eggs. And I waited listening to the speakers. The Governor had to eat and run. The mayor of Tuskeegee AL spoke, and he was terrific. Leading us on a train through the cities that elected a black major over the years, and giving little comments. He lead the way for our bishop, Peter Weaver's benediction, Bound for Glory.

I thought the recipe I baked would be good. It turned out to be too dense for me at this stage. I needed a Gas X, and took a second one an hour later. 

I am drinking my water now feeling comfortable. 

Tomorrow, I will bring what I need to the MLK Jr breakfast in Boston. I am not chancing that the eggs will be too dense. In the huge room, they cannot cater to me. I will bring some grits that I just made, and ask for milk. I do not want to bring yogurt but may to flavor the grits. I am hoping I do well with left over grits as I have with left over oatmeal.

It was a good day today. I gave a bag of clothes to go in the crate for me to wear in Dominica. I will leave the clothes for Jasmine Thomas to wear when I leave. I am sure that what fits me in April will not fit me when it warms up here in New England.

I am pleased that I am at 247.

I have sleep apnea and use a bi-pap machine at all times when sleeping. I often have difficult nights. I made sure I got off the computer and settled down nicely as I have been advised by my sleep therapists and respiratory therapists. I have had a few different masks and find this one the best yet. I often had issues with air billowing out and disturbing my sleep with a flow sounding like a vacuum cleaner in my face. 

I am off work for six weeks recovering but do not want to change the hours that I sleep and wake dramatically. During work days, I wake at 5 and try to get to bed by 10.

I cannot begin to remember all the times I lifted my head to see the clock but do remember 10 16, 11 30, and know that there are more times. I finally got up because my stomach felt bloated. I was from the lentil soup I had.

I ate early today to try to get in the required six meals. I had 3 ounces of yogurt at 4 30, and just had a protein shot with 42 protein grams. I wanted to taste them as I know my protein levels will matter after the four weeks of pureed food is up. I have read so much on the need of protein for maintaining muscle mass. I have more protein than you can shake a stick at! It took over my cabinet next to the dishwasher, and part of the counter!

I wonder if I can sneak back into bed and not disturb anyone. I have a six year old grandson sleeping on a mat near our bed, He will be 7 on Superbowl Sunday in three weeks!

So, I am cold again. I had that 3 ounce protein drink and I am suddenly cold, it has happened before with cold drinks and applesauce sending chills down me. It must be my imagination, I know my stomach is smaller but to feel cold from cold stuff so quickly?/

It is not my thing to get up and eat. I started to do household tasks. Then said to myself, get that first mini meal in and let the dishes wait, 

So here I sit with carrots by Gerber! 

I loved the chance to go out yesterday. I left the house early and arrived back by two. I think we were out about three hours.

Last night, I was determined to find out why I could not finish the downloading on aol. I could read emails and not send a reply. I could not click to join a website called bariatriceating.com from aol.

I went over to where I had purchased the computer which is a bit intimidating for me. I was having issues with my new computer, I said. I had a cute young man try to tell me I had to contact aol. I said but I purchased the computer on Sunday, and your firedog set up services. 

He was able to get it going easily. It just took about 15 or more minutes waiting for it to progress. I asked him to remove some programs that aol installs but are covered by the Norton 2008. He was swift and confident in all his actions.

He smiled when I said that my husband and I missed the computer knowledge in school. I was trying to explain our fall errors and miscues that ended up with us having no home Internet access. 

I had to pay $159 for in home services to fix the two desktop computers. We have to wait until Jan 30th for the service. 

I came home and had the sugar free jello that I had made. Again I felt cold with a cold food going down.

I stayed up and read some on this website, and sent a long email to a friend who lives up in Maine. She will come down to Worcester where she started a program and have her RNY surgery in less than two weeks.

Okay, I finished my carrots. Now, on to housework and that all important scale. Will I lose? I seem to be losing slowly.

I think because my husband cannot cook and will grab any convenience food available rather than bother me right out of the hospital, I  had worries about feeding him. We have been married 35 years, and I have gone on mission trips and other trips without him. I knew he could survive. 

We used to have a large freezer with planned meals prepared for him. Or something like a great soup right there in front of the fridge. I would come home and find the casseroles I had so diligently worked on beforehand still waiting. So, this time I made one soup that he likes, and had his favorite cold cuts of ham and turkey for his sandwiches. 

A friend from church called when I had just been home a day, and asked if I needed anything. I shared with her my doubts about feeding my husband. I did not know whether I would be too tired. My experience in the hospital was that I was always tired. I did not get lengthy times to rest though.

He would not eat the Dannon Light and Fit yogurts nor the cream soups. So, she came over a few days later with a Chicken Chili. It was so nice of her. 

Three days later, I made him a great chicken soup. My grandson had come over to spend the day while his parents worked, and loved it. I drank the broth and enjoyed it. I made far less soup than I would have if both of us were to eat it.

I ate the new tuna creations from Bumble Bee for lunch right out of the can for months. I could do that and not disturb anyone's sense of well being because I am a letter carrier and ate alone in my vehicle! I still had a large stockpile of tuna. I made a tuna casserole with the Bumble Bee Lemon Pepper Sensations that he loved. 

I saw on another web page a recipe for a baked ricotta and cheese bake  I will add his noodles, and hamburg to his portion. I am wondering if I have to cook it in two different pans. This is the blog or web page where I got the recipe:  theworldaccordingtoeggface

I  just had the surgery two weeks ago. I was out with a friend who had bought me a book while I was in the hospital. I had read the book many years ago.

We were to return the book and then shop. We both ended up spending lots of money shopping. We spent sometime in the clearance section where she bought dolls for her granddaughter for next Christmas.

 I suggested that we could eat if I ate scrambled eggs. What a disaster. Even though I specifically asked for light and fluffy eggs it was more like a folded over omelet. Yes, I sent it back only to get the same thing just mixed. So, my first attempt to eat out was a flop.

I was so glad to get out of the apartment. I think I just wanted to prolong the time away. I was thinking that scrambled eggs would be easy on my new pouch. I took the Magic Bullet and some skim milk to mix up the egg but it still was a disaster.

I had had a Dannon Light and Fit smoothie in the car, and should have had that drink. Also, because we were shopping I did not bring in my water bottle. 

I think I spent too much time in the store at this stage post op. I enjoy my friend so much. She is a diabetic and I got some good pointers. She was just on a jury trial where the woman had accused her bariatric surgeon of not giving her good care. It was interesting for her, and she sees what I went through in the surgery. She learned all about it and the nutritional needs that I have in five days of testimony. 

I am still learning my limitations or my limits. I need to make sure I eat or drink more than pre op. I think I am okay, and used to push myself all the time doing the job. I have to learn and these few weeks I will...one mistake or flop at a time.

I joined this website two months ago. I have lost thirty three pounds since then.