Maintaining

Nov 24, 2009

Well, I am 14 mos post op and at the maintaining phase.  I've had a rough go of it since September.  I developed a bowel obstruction and Peterson's Hernia on the anniversary of my surgery.  I had emergency surgery to celebrate my one year surgeriversary.  How fitting !!!  I had a scare for possible cancer as well this month when a lymph node had to be removed to rule out lymphoma.  Now I have a lovely 2 inch scar on the side of my neck to match the patch work quilt on my abdomen.

I don't know if it's the depression or what but my eating habits have gone down the shitter since July.  Which coincides with my move back up to New England.  I am now lactose intolerant so that is not helping as I cannot use my prior menus which were supplemented by protein shakes made with milk.  I will give them a try making them with water but I am not optimistic about that outcome.  The chronic diarrhea gets tiresome.  I already have issues with staying hydrated, so that doesn't help matters. 

I am not putting weight on, but I know that I am headed for trouble if my metabolism slows down with the way I am eating.  The sweets monster has become my enemy.  My self control and will power is nothing.  I still dump, but I eat them anyways.  I think its the stress I am under with the divorce, crappy financial situation and my chronic medical problems that are tapping my reserves for will power. 

On the up side and what I should focus on is the relationship I am in now with a wonderful man.  I met him in August and he has stuck with me in and out of the hospital.  Unlike the ex who couldn't be bothered unless it was convienent.  I didn't plan on falling in love with him, in fact, I was on a self induced no strings attached mission when we met.  That has since flown out the window, along with my self control when it comes to eating sweets.  It's not him to blame for that, I was partaking in that destructive behavior before I met him.  He is actually quite the health nut, and very diet and food conscious.  He is involved in mixed martial arts so he understands alot of the nutrition stuff that we as RNY patients need to adhere to.  We just have different reasons for doing so. 

So, I guess it comes down to, now what?  The chronic diarrhea isn't going to go away with the new found lactose intolerance.  Cheese has been a major part of my diet post surgery, so I am worried about not getting my calcium intake.  I know milk is out of the question now.  Lactose free milk is ok, but not that great.  I need to try the soy milk to see how I do with that.  I have to stop the sweets.  There is no way around it.  Once or twice a month is ok, but this daily intake has to stop.  I also started drinking soda again.  Not alot, and not even everyday.  I causes a lot of tummy upset and yet I still drink it.  I think it's time to restart the food diary.  Getting back to the basics and staying on track.  I don't want to let all this hard work go out the window.  This wasn't an easy journey, but I definetely do not regret it. 

With Thanksgiving upon us, I have lots to be thankful for.  My beautiful new body, my lovely daughter, my cancer free health, my supportive parents and friends and most of all, my new found love.  Despites lifes ups and downs, I know I am blessed and lucky to have what I have.  I do not take any of it for granted. 

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