Carol M.

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Well, I am 14 mos post op and at the maintaining phase.  I've had a rough go of it since September.  I developed a bowel obstruction and Peterson's Hernia on the anniversary of my surgery.  I had emergency surgery to celebrate my one year surgeriversary.  How fitting !!!  I had a scare for possible cancer as well this month when a lymph node had to be removed to rule out lymphoma.  Now I have a lovely 2 inch scar on the side of my neck to match the patch work quilt on my abdomen.

I don't know if it's the depression or what but my eating habits have gone down the shitter since July.  Which coincides with my move back up to New England.  I am now lactose intolerant so that is not helping as I cannot use my prior menus which were supplemented by protein shakes made with milk.  I will give them a try making them with water but I am not optimistic about that outcome.  The chronic diarrhea gets tiresome.  I already have issues with staying hydrated, so that doesn't help matters. 

I am not putting weight on, but I know that I am headed for trouble if my metabolism slows down with the way I am eating.  The sweets monster has become my enemy.  My self control and will power is nothing.  I still dump, but I eat them anyways.  I think its the stress I am under with the divorce, crappy financial situation and my chronic medical problems that are tapping my reserves for will power. 

On the up side and what I should focus on is the relationship I am in now with a wonderful man.  I met him in August and he has stuck with me in and out of the hospital.  Unlike the ex who couldn't be bothered unless it was convienent.  I didn't plan on falling in love with him, in fact, I was on a self induced no strings attached mission when we met.  That has since flown out the window, along with my self control when it comes to eating sweets.  It's not him to blame for that, I was partaking in that destructive behavior before I met him.  He is actually quite the health nut, and very diet and food conscious.  He is involved in mixed martial arts so he understands alot of the nutrition stuff that we as RNY patients need to adhere to.  We just have different reasons for doing so. 

So, I guess it comes down to, now what?  The chronic diarrhea isn't going to go away with the new found lactose intolerance.  Cheese has been a major part of my diet post surgery, so I am worried about not getting my calcium intake.  I know milk is out of the question now.  Lactose free milk is ok, but not that great.  I need to try the soy milk to see how I do with that.  I have to stop the sweets.  There is no way around it.  Once or twice a month is ok, but this daily intake has to stop.  I also started drinking soda again.  Not alot, and not even everyday.  I causes a lot of tummy upset and yet I still drink it.  I think it's time to restart the food diary.  Getting back to the basics and staying on track.  I don't want to let all this hard work go out the window.  This wasn't an easy journey, but I definetely do not regret it. 

With Thanksgiving upon us, I have lots to be thankful for.  My beautiful new body, my lovely daughter, my cancer free health, my supportive parents and friends and most of all, my new found love.  Despites lifes ups and downs, I know I am blessed and lucky to have what I have.  I do not take any of it for granted. 

I have lost 86% of my excess weight (114 lbs total so far).  The family is getting concerned that I am too skinny.  The last 15 lbs that I want to lose appears to be excess skin.  My legs took the worst of the punishment from my years of obesity.  Ironically, I look essentially the same as I did back 20 yrs ago when I graduated high school only then I didn't have excess skin and wrinkles on my legs and butt cheeks. 

I am going to my 20th high school reunion at the end of the month.  This ought to be an interesting trip.  Flying is so much better now with out my extra person worth of fat flying with me.  No more seat belt extenders and my hips fit into the seat with tons of room to spare.  I can actually sit cross legged on a plane now.  That is pretty cool !!!

I've noticed that now that I am in a maintenance mode, that it is harder to get my fluid in each day.  I am fighting to get 32-40 oz a day in because I am having to eat more calories per day to prevent malnourishment.  There just isn't room in the pouch or in the day hour wise to get more than that in when I am eating 1500 calories a day.  If i go back to 800-900 calories, I have room for the fluid. 

I am so very thankful for Dr. Partridge for giving me another shot at my life. 

I have no ambition to do much of anything.  It's so freakin' cold outside that its actually painful to be out there for exercising.  I have my Wii Fit but jogging in place doesn't do it for me.  I want to walk outside without becoming a popsicle.  I have a treadmill at work but that is inside too.  I need some daylight.  Its cloudy more than it is sunny. 

I am bored with food.  It seems like it's the same old thing day in and day out.  I am striking out on a lot of recipes.  They sound great in principle, but when prepared, are nothing like what I was anticipating.  Eggface has great ideas, only they don't taste as good as I had hoped they would.  I haven't been adverturous enough to modify them to suit my tastes.  Maybe if I spend time doing some test cooking, I can figure out what I need to make them work for me.  But, that takes effort, for which I have no energy or inclination to give.  Whahhhhh....I am bored with cheese, tuna, bananas, oranges, soup, salads and chicken.  I have beef occassionally but only if it's beef stew or pot roast that slow cook for over 8 hrs.  Meat that is cooked for less time doesn't sit well with my pouch.  I did try a breakfast sausage on Sunday morning...I wasn't impressed.  I will stick with my bacon.  At least that goes down with little or no problems. 

Now that I am working on getting my calorie intake up, my water consumption is suffering.  I am only getting 48-56 oz per day.  Even that is a struggle.  Somedays I can get 32 oz down first thing in the AM.  Other days, I find it's 4pm and I still haven't finished the first 32 oz yet. 

I need an attitude adjustment....Calgon...take me away !!!

I made it to Onederland, about 3 days late for my goal, but hey, at least I made it !  When I went in for my 3mo f/u the my first post op labs were taken.  The results were great except for my Prealbumin level was very low.  I am suffering from malnutrition because I was paying more attention to drinking my fluids and not getting enough calories in per day.  I was averaging 500-700 calories.  Dr. P wants me to be eating 1000-1200 per day.  I am finding that to be difficult.  To me, it seems like I am messing up more now than before I knew about the low prealbumin metter. 

Curiosity finally got the best of me.  I had managed to stay away from the scale for 2 weeks.  I gave in to the need and hopped on. I found that I had lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks.  Holy crap, that is a lot. The ironic part is that I haven't worked out at all in that 2 weeks.  In fact, yesterday was the first time I had been out for a walk in over a month.  I have used my Wii Fit twice since I got it.  I still haven't cancelled my gym membership yet.  It's not that I don't want to work out, it's just that I hate an audience and the only time I have is in the morning.  The DH sleeps downstairs where the Wii is set up.  If I go in there at 4:30am to work out he gets upset.  I don't have enough time in the morning to wait for him to leave for work then work out, so I am kinda stuck as to how to get my workout in.  By the time I get home from work, I am so wiped out that it is all I can do to run an errand or do the dishes.  It's pathetic!!! I used to be a night owl.  Now, if I am not in bed by 9pm, I am a walking zombie...go figure.

It's winter time here.  The ice from the storm finally melted yesterday, which is why I could go and walk.  Prior to that it was worth your life just to leave the house and get to the car.   There is nothing more fun than 8 steps down to a downhill slope to get to the car on ice.

Hooray, the sun is finally shining.  Getting bored with my meals.  I need to start trying different foods.  But, I's skeerrd.  Mostly because foods with black pepper irritate my pouch.  I have to watch the recipes closely and reduce or remove it completely.  Chipolte anything is now my enemy...sucks.  I love mexican food.  I really have a hankering for fajitas, torn between making them at home and going to On The Border to get my fix. 

I love my WLS.  I love the results I am having so far.  What bugs me is eating left overs.  Most of the time, the pouch doesn't like it the 2nd time around.  Why is that? 

I am astounded by the way foods that I used to crave no longer taste good when I try them.  We went to Outback Friday night.  I have been dying for some steak.   I nibbled on my salad, eating more of the lettuce and cheese than anything else.  Tried a sliver (one strand) of a blooming onion.  Tasted okay but went down heavy.  Didn't want any more after that.  Got my steak, it was hard as a rock.  My daughter graciously shared a 2 oz chunk from hers, but I could only eat about 1 oz of it.  It did taste heavenly.  I wasn't impressed with my green beans but her broccoli was excellent.  I also tried one french fry, it tasted like card board.  YEAH !!!!!  Fries used to be my greatest addiction. 

I am finding that all it takes is a sampling of my former favorites to realize that I am not impressed with them any longer.  I am bored though with my current menu but afraid of experimenting with new stuff.  Especially, when I am not at home.  Friday night was a big risk.  Fortunately, it didn't back fire. 

With the beautiful sunny weather today, I am gonna take some more pics.  I am already down another size in clothes !!!  Look out 12's, here I come !!!

I am returning to work on Wednesday. 

I am trying to decide what I want to wear.  Maybe I will go today and buy a new shirt with my birthday gift card !!!  Shopping always cheers me up.

On surgery day I was 256.  As of yesterday, I weigh 226, and I am down 2 sizes.  I am quickly running out of clothes.  I am keeping my new purchases to a minimum, just enough to keep from going around naked...very frightening !!!

I have no ambition.  It took all I had in me yesterday to get up and go for my 2 mile walk.  My calorie intake is fine, as is the protein and water.  I think I have hit the post surgery blues stage.  I hope this goes away soon.  I can't be productive feeling this way.  I don't even want to vaccum or dust.  Ok, so I don't want to do that most of the time anyways, but still...I keep staring at the cat fur on the floor thinking I should just get the vaccum out and take care of it.  Then, I just sit there and continue to stare at it...

But not when you are two weeks post op. 

I had to go to a family wedding last night.  Being in ketosis made the process quite miserable.  I had hot flashes the whole time.  The wedding service was short and sweet, but the reception was pure agony.  I had to sit thru 2 hours of food that I could not eat.  And Goddess did I want to.  The cheese and veggies, the salad, the roast beef with green beans and roasted potatoes.  I could have withstood the dessert just because sugars are such a no-no.  But all the healthy foods that were there were killing me because I am on that blissfully blah pureed diet.  So I ate my cottage cheese in my little cup with my baby spoon while everyone else enjoyed real food.  My SIL even had the balls to tell me how good everything was.  Gee, thanks....bitch...

Finally the food course was over and it was time to dance, only, I couldn't dance either.  No strenuous activity, so I could only slow dance.  This also sucked....what a miserable fucking time.

I should have stayed home !!!!

It's especially nice to sleep in my own bed again.  I haven't lost all of my hunger as others have, but the amount I need to eat to satisfy my hunger is sigificantly smaller.  I have had no trouble getting my water and protein in so far.  But, this is only day 3 post op.  I have yet to encounter any foods that don't agree with me.  My taste buds have not changed either.  I know it is still a possiblity, but for now I am doing great with familiar foods that I tried before the surgery.  I didn't want to come home and have to eat all new stuff that I had never tried before.

I still have alot of belly swelling and water retention.  I know it will come off, but I am just not as patient about waiting for it to happen as I should be.  I have had no complications.  No nausea, vomiting or diahrea.  Had my first BM today.  I walked 1/2 a mile this afternoon as well.  I am going to slowly increase back up to my 3 miles a day point.  Still have a little lightheadedness from the Dilaudid, but that is getting better.  I only took Tylenol all day.  Then I switched back to the Dilaudid tonight.  I hope to be able to wean off of it entirely by next week.