My epiphany at the gym tonight...

Jun 17, 2011

I finally hit the gym tonight - to actually work out, not just take DD to the pool. We had set out to take her, but she has a bit of a naughty streak and we didn't go. I encouraged DH to go and workout for a bit and told him I'd go when he puts DD to bed. He went and enjoyed it. I didn't think I'd enjoy it the least bit - the last time I was there was at least a year and a half ago. We signed up a few weeks ago and hadn't been back since. I figure if I'm going to make the weight loss work, I need to get off my butt and get active.

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. For me this is pretty good. I don't mind walking around the neighborhood, etc, but working out - ick. About 5 measly minutes into it I wanted to give up. That's when I had my epiphany....

I HATE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

This has definitely been part of what led up to my weight gain and in turn what I've used my weight as a crutch for. I hate being uncomfortable. I hate being hungry. The second I felt the slightest bit hungry, I would eat again - even if it was only an hour after I ate a big meal. I hate feeling like I'm slightly short of breath (back to the treadmill) or that my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been. I hate being inconvenienced with having to get off my butt to work out to help me lose this weight. I'm a tad shy in groups, so I'd rather avoid them than awkwardly getting to know new people. I'd much rather to sit on the couch and watch TV or read a book, or knit, or ...... You get the picture.

I don't know at what point in my life I began to act like this. I wasn't always. I used to enjoy getting out and being active doing things... I used to love a lot of things that I don't let myself love anymore. Realizing this has been quite the kick in the pants for me. I'm tired of my pathetic old status quo. I am no longer going to be satisfied with being "comfortable". I don't expect this to happen to overnight and I have a feeling I'll be hearing my mom's voice in my head saying "SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP" quite often. But suck it up I will. This is my chance to change. This surgery will be the tool to help me do it, one of the many tools I will need anyway. As will this site and the people I meet here. As will that darn treadmill at the gym.

Time for me to fly after hiding in this cocoon of comfort for so long.....

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