STILL PHENOMENAL... BUT I AM PHAT AGAIN!!!!

Nov 03, 2010

Hello! 

It's me again!  I decided I needed to come back and use this board as my therapy.  For so many reasons, I have not been here - lets just say that LIFE has taken over.  As you can see, I am FAT again.  I have gained all my weight back.  Its been a trying year and a half.  In September 2009, I got sick  and couldn't keep anything down.    I had to have my band deflated... At that time it was all DOWN hill from there.  There was no coming back.  I was deflated for about 5 months.  I went back to my doctor who at the time started doing my fills/adjustments.  He kept telling me that I need to make sure I am watching my food intake and staying away from sugars and all that jazz...  Blah Blah Blah...  I know all of this.  Please know that I am going to continue doing what I was doing to get me to this point.  However I am not LOSING any weight.  So I kept going back and doing what I was supposed to be doing.  The fills were not lasting and I felt as if he wasn't giving me enough to be tight and stay tight.  After months of being made to think I was doing something WRONG - I finally decided to stop going!  So I tried to do this on my own.  Thinking - MAYBE... Just Maybe I was doing something wrong.  I practically went on a Liquid diet - did I drop... sure but that was PURE torture... I hated every skinny person that I saw!  Then I found myself hungry ALL the time.  Every time you looked at me, I was putting something in my mouth.  LOL.  So I asked around and talked to a few people   who gave me their advice and referred me to their doctors.  I ended up with Dr. Wade Barker... Not sure how to feel about that! 

I have been to Dr. Barker for 4 months.  I have only seen him 1 time for about 8 minutes.  The first time I went to have him begin to monitor and adjust my band, I didn't see him.  I saw someone named John or Tim or whoever...  Well they told me that my band had slipped.  I said no - the last doctor told me I was tight.  Well I was tight.  My band was full!  However, the band had slipped to the bottom half of my stomach which allowed me to take as much in as possible. So I was getting fills, VERY LITTLE... because as the intake would move thru the stomach, I would ALWAYS be hungry.  So here we go... deflate again!   Starting over.  That was when i saw Dr. Barker... WHY??  Because the guy who does the adjustments couldn't get the damn needle in my port!    He dug in my like I was a DAMN Grave!  So Dr. Barker came in and completed it quickly   I go back 4 weeks later to see if the band has repositioned and guess what - It did...   I am well on my way!  I can see it now.... Me back in a size 8 and holding on to all those clothes would not be in vain!  I started feeling good and jump starting my mental psyche... Staying motivated and all that!  PBBT...  Yeah right!  Little did I know what when I returned...  the band slipped again.  That was the day I said - NOPE!!  I AM DONE!  No more fills no more adjustments., no more liquids...  I give up!  I told them I have no more energy for these constant monthly adjustments, I have no room in my heart for another let down.  I want to be considered for something else! 

Today, I am one evaluation from submitting my info to the insurance company for the Gastric Sleeve. I have been told if you are gonna do it... Do it BIG!!  Well I am afraid of the Bypass.  Quite frankly not sure if the insurance will pay for that.  I am not heavy enough.  YEAH RIGHT... At any rate, I have gone to Dr. Barker and it seems as if the approval process is going to be smooth sailing.  However, I don't have that FO-SHO feeling about my doctor.  When I had my lap band - the office feel the staff and the vibe I got from Dr, Adams, was amazing.  It just felt right!  I don't get that from Dr. B!  I feel like a COW - just going thru the process.  So at this point, I have decided to just wait.  I will continue with the approval process, and let them do what they do - however, I still reserve the right to switch my doctor @ anytime!

So here I am - 248lbs -  no where to go.  no answers...  Just lost in emotions!     

Stay tuned... I know greater days are ahead but not sure I can really see the light!

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