Epiphany!!

Aug 30, 2009

I just finished a junior whopper meal. It was so good but so bad.  That's it! Tomorrow I'm looking through the phone book and calling every therapist in the city so that I can talk about why I eat the way I do.  It was so stoopid of me too.  I finished a three hour shift at work and I really was hungry and thought of something I could pick up on the way home.  I though mcd's. And told myself no.  Then I though subway, but I didn't have enough to get a small. So I went to burger king. Like that doesn't make any sense.  I can tell myself no once - then think of a healthy choice - then do a three-sixty and get something even worse. There's something in my brain that either doesn't get the connection or goes passed it so quickly that I don't even see it happen.  Like it doesn't register that I should do the exact opposite of what my stomach is telling me.

My mom just came in my room and suggested that I do the same thing that I did to get over my anxiety.  Which was put key words and ideas on a bristol board that I can easily see in my room.  My anxiety one says things like, 'live in the moment', 'one day at a time', and 'no longer a victim'. The last one is very important to me.  My anxiety started out as a real anxiety that there was something when I was little that scared me.  As I grew older it manifested into this huge thing and eventually just became habitual.  Hence me playing the role of the victim in my life.  So I can put things that will subliminally be plugged into my mind about my thoughts on food and losing weight. Things like:

1. Food is not the answer
2. Exercise can be fun
3. Think vegetables
4. NO MORE JUNK!
5. Take out is only convenient if you have time to do a three hour spinning class (lol)

I think it will work.  I have to find some time to do that tomorrow.  Tomorrow is going to be busy.  I have an interview for another job at two.  Then I have to go back to sleep because I'm working 11:30pm-7:30am.  Maybe I'll get up really early, get a walk in, a healthy breakfast and then work on that poster. 

I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday to discuss blood test results. I'm thinking maybe it's diabetes.  My mom thought that I may have low iron. I'm going to be healthier! I'm joining the community gym and getting a trainer there! That's it! I'm done being fat! Boo being fat.  You were a comfort to me once before but now you're just a pain in my big behind!!

Wish me luck!

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