Bonita_Linthorne
I am in my 40+ yr old. I have been over weight for about 20yrs now. I wasn't always over weight at points of my life I was under weight to be honest.
I have always had a love hate relationship with food. I can remember growing up being hungry. My parents where the working poor, with 3 girls to feed and clothed. There seen never enough to eat or its was always the same to eat. I am not blaming them for this, I am sure they did the best they could with what they had. After all we lived in a small town newfoundland in the 70’s there wasn’t much too choose from.
My childhood wasn’t good. It was full of hard times of being poor to the extreme of sexual abuse. But when there was food there was a happy time. When all my family would be together. The house would be full of aunts, uncle, kids, nan, pop, and even friends. It was an event of making the food and eating the food. The house would be full of laughter. I come from a family of big eaters. Some of them could eat what they want and still stay small. My parent where always up and down with their weight. It was normal to be big in our family and eat enough food in one meal to make up 3meals.
So I started to gain my weight around 21yrs old. I think that’s when I started to get depressed and looking at the mistakes I made myself. Mistake that till this day I have not forgiven myself for. Then I got married to a wonderful friend. But then I still wasn’t happy and I made even more regrettable mistakes. What happen to me has a child wasn’t his fault, but he was the one that got hurt. All he did was marry a broken person. So I added more mistakes and more regrets and more weight.
After my marriage failed, I moved to the city and I started to get my life on track started to lose weight on my own. I got down to a size 18. I was doing good, feeling better about myself. Had a job I loved and I was good at. At this time I lost a baby for a guy I was dating. My depression started in really bad and I gained weight again. Then I started to get pain my in knees. I just thought that it was from sports I played in school or the fact that has a child “I could trip over a pencil make” my mother would say to me.
Then I married again, to a man just as broken has me. He had kids and I couldn’t have kids but wanted to be a mom so bad. We were 2 broken people looking to be fixed in the wrong places. (After only 3 months of marriage he asked me for a divorce. A year later I gave him one.) Before we were married my right knee dislocated 4 times. I would fall or slip and it would pop right out and not go back in. At this point I had slowed down a lot, and of course that means more weight.
While still married to second husband I found out that my knees there pointing the wrong way. No one ever notice it before. I walked like other kids at the right time as other kid. BUT that’s why I was always so clumsy even has an adult. Got the right one fixed and was told to wait till the left one was causing trouble before fixing it. Makes senses right, But what they didn’t tell me was that wait too long and it will be too late.
Now I am 31yrs old divorced twice and a bad knee to booth. I moved again this time out of the province. I wanted a fresh start. This is where I met the love of my life. After only 2 weeks of knowing me he asked me to marry him. Lol I called him a nut and said no been there done that TWICE! But I said I will live with you for the rest of my life. Then he said ok will see. Lol
We moved back to newfoundland to his home town. I worked at the local coffee shop till my left knee gave me so much stress and that I could no longer work. So this time I did not get depressed instead I went back to school. Where I did well and made friend. Life was good. After I finished I got a job right away. But after less than a year I got laid off because of cut backs.
This is when it really started to hit me, the depression and weight. I couldn’t find another job and I was falling deeper and deeper into depression.
I gained over 100 pounds and has the years go by I add on more and more. My left knee is now worst then my right. I can’t walk without help from people and a cane. Now I can’t work even if I could find something. My depression is the worst of it all.
My poor husband as to work all the time to support us. Not only that he comes home and has to help me around the house. Most times I do have meals for him. I try to keep the house clean for him. I feel it’s the least I can do for him. After all he is the one out working all day and I am home. I have never depended on a person so much since I was a child.
All I want now form life is too be able to go for a walk with my husband and my dog Joey. (The other love of my life) To be able to go camping, or do stuff with my husband. He is a very out-going person. He is always out doing something. It would be great to be able to go out with him and enjoy life. By the way that first husband is now my best friend. He forgave me years ago and now is one of the most important people in my life. Him and my husband David are real close friends.
