BrasilianRain

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So I got on the scale this morning unhappy.  I gained 2 lbs.

To put it all together:
I still get quite hungry.
I still have to exercise just as much as before.
I still have no restriction.
Essentially, I feel exactly the same as I felt 3 months ago - pre-surgery.

I've had 1 fill - 3.6 cc - and I can steal eat a whole sub. (Yes, I have eaten one. Shame, shame on me.)

To be honest, this might be premature, but I'm a bit disappointed. 

I'd prefer no comments about how I must eat right and exercise - I am fully aware of this. 
If I have another person tell me this surgery is a "tool" and not a fix, I'm gonna scream.

But seriously, if I can eat just as much as before, get hungry just as quickly (if not even more quickly at times) and must exercise just as much as before to lose weight - what's really different?  Nothing right now.  I was just hoping that something would be different post surgery, and it doesn't appear that way just yet.

I'm trying to be patient. 
I understand that I have to get to fill 3 or 4 before I sense any real difference, but in the meantime, I feel like I'm just sustaining - and recently, just gaining.

When I look at my BEFORE pic, I smile. 
I am not miserable.
I do think I'm attractive in my BEFORE pic.
When I see that picture, I see a success.
I see a wonderful work-in-progress.
I see a person who has a great personality.
I see a person who attracts great people.
I see a person who got a degree.
I see a person who is cute, physically and emotionally.
I also see a person who was intelligent enough to make the decision to have bariatric surgery.
She is not someone else.
She is me!

I only say this because I don't like how I've been encountering quite a few people who speak on this site as if their BEFORE picture was a representation of someone else, as if it weren't them.  When in fact, as an obese person they made the wise decision to have the surgery in the first place.  That shows you were smart and encouraging as a big person just as you are as a smaller person.

I can understand when I read people's pages and they say something like diabetes is ruining their health, and therefore, under their BEFORE pic they write "I look and feel terrible."  But if your self-esteem is damaged because you think being obese is unattractive and put "miserable" under your BEFORE pic, and "I look beautiful and happy" under your AFTER, then just make sure you understand what happiness and what beauty really is. 

Beauty is an idea!
It's the most important idea of what you think of yourself! 
And very little of it has to do with the physical you!
Your choice to have bariatric surgery was bold and beautiful in itself!

So today I went back to work!

First off, after having 8 days off (only 4 days off from work) working 8 hours felt like forever...

...now that that's said, it was a pretty good day.  My body was quite cooperative!
I had a little discomfort with sitting - it almost feels like I can feel the port, but I can't really say it was painful... just not comfortable.  Besides from that, I had no other bodily issues.

I actually went to the gym this morning.  Don't worry, I didn't over exert myself.  I just did 20 minutes on the elliptical machine at a slow, steady pace whereas before the surgery I usually did 45 minutes hard and fast.

I'm still getting used to the dual stomach sensation where 1 stomach can be completely full while the other is entirely empty, giving 2 different sensations.  I am learning I have to follow the top stomach, and I'm noticing that I'm still quite hungry, and I have to say that this new stomach has hunger pangs 3x as bad as the previous, so I'm gonna have to be ready with little snacks --- liquid snacks for now.

Tomorrow at work will be a new adventure!

 

I would like to declare that the liquid diet sucks!!! 
It's tolerable, but if it were a person I'd kick it in the ass. 
There are tons of liquid foods that I actually like, but the idea that it goes down my stomach and sits there for not very long is starting to drive me crazy.  This is how eatting works with the lap-band FOR ME:

7:30am - eat breakfast of chocolate protein shake

8:00am - feel satisfied

8:15am - feel a little funny (haven't determined what this feeling is yet)

8:30am - have a glass of water

8:50am - hungry all over again

9:00am - have to urinate

9:30am - really hungry

9:45am - eat morning snack...

I spend most of my day longing for food.  Yes, some of it is "head hunger," but seriously, most of it is genuine hunger pangs.  Everyone says this will go away once the liquid stage is over, but it sure is driving me crazy right now.

I'm happy to say that the gas bubbles are gone, the only pain I'm really having is the itching from the stiching (minimal pain) and what I think is the healing pain of the abdominal muscle which was pierced to perform the surgery.  However, I now feel secure enough to drive and work.

I have discovered that tomato soup seems to taste pretty good, is permitted with this liquid diet, and seems to make me less hungry than other foods.  So I'm gonna continue to drink tomato soup until it goes away.  I did gain a pound back which I think is incredible considering I'm eating between 300 - 600 calories a day, but my family is stll reminding me that I lost 7 lbs in 2 days so to gain back 1 lb is no big deal.

I'm wondering when it's okay to jog again.  I believe I was told 3 weeks, and 4 weeks before I swim again, but I'm just trying to jumpstart this weight loss --- but I'll be patient.  Also, my teeth are starting to feel a little loose.  This is very strange to me.  I brush my teeth regularly, and I'm still taking my vitamins, but I think I might have to incorporate some kind of milk or calcium to my diet... this might be independent from the surgery though --- I'm quite overdue for a dental appointment.

At first, last night was bad!  I had so much belly pain that I forced myself to go to bed - to no avail.  The gas bubbles were taking over!  I couldn't sleep for nothing.

In such pain, my mother suggested I take half of one of my father's Vicodin pills (I know it's not good to take another person's pills but it was 10pm, and I'm not a medicine person anyway - the Percocet prescribed to me was not working at all.)  So I had a few spoon fulls of high-protein yogurt and then took the half-of-a-Vicodin.  Unfortunately, the Vicodin didn't make the gas bubbles go away, but it did help me sleep...

...then mid-sleep I passed gas!  A huge one too - enough where I woke up!  I could actually feel my belly deflating!  It was wonderful - sorry if this is disgusting to anyone, I just feel the need to tell this.  This happened a few more times and a couple of belches also - it was wonderful.  I then fell back to sleep like a baby. 

I woke up happy, alert, still have a bit of gas bubbles in me, but it's tolerable!  I have plans to go walking again and be even more mobile now that I feel so much better - not a 100% but better!

Yesterday, I had the Laparoscopic Adjustable Gastric Band at the Sentara Careplex at about 9am in Hampton, Virginia with Dr. Thomas Clark from the Weight Loss Surgery Center.  Let me go through the aftermath...

Waking up from the surgery was strange... at points I was awake, but couldn't get my body to respond, and I didn't have my glasses so I felt blind.  The surgery went well, except I was told I had a fatty liver (which I expected) and an hiatal hernia (which I did not expect at all - I swear I had no pain from it at all).  I felt very disoriented, but I was still alert. 

By the time I got home, I took a 2 hour nap, but then I woke up... now this is the strange part... after my nap, I was wide awake and full of energy!  I felt like my body was working at 90% which was unlike my sister and other people's experiences I read about after surgery. I was walking around the house, up-and-down the stairs, but when my mother caught me she scolded me a bit, and then I had to lay down --- God Bless Mommies.  My mother told me to take the Percocet the doctor had prescribed for me, but I genuinely didn't need it at the time.

About 5 hours later, the pain started to kick in.  I had a tiny headache, a sore throat, a little bit of abdominal muscle pain, was hungry (which surprised me), and the most imporant part, I had a whole bunch of gas bubbles in my belly.  I took the Percocet, and I felt nothing.  So, I took another just to see if it might make the pain go away... nothing.  I decided to just go to bed instead of tolerating the pain.  I slept just fine.

It's now 6am, and I'm feeling much better. My headache is about gone as well as my sore throat, the ab pain and the gas is still swimming around my belly, and I can't seem to burp or pass gas right now.  I'm gonna try to take a walk later today to see if that helps at all - just a little short one around the neighborhood.

OH!  I got on the scale, and I've lost 4 lbs, but I think that's moreso due to urinating out the liquids they gave me for the surgery than it really has anything to do with real fat weight loss.

So I went to my first meeting with the bariatric surgeon and the fiancing earlier this month, and they told me I would have no problem getting approved with the surgery.  I already know that my insurance covers about 85% or more of it, but I couldn't believe it when she asked me if I wanted to have the surgery on Febuary 4th!  That's in WEEKS!  I've been waiting for years to have this surgery, and instantenously I'm told I can have it in a matter of weeks.

As much as that seemed wonderful, I could not completely grasp emotionally, physically, and financially the idea of having the surgery so quickly.  So I postponed it to March 4th.  I'm still is shock and awe right now. But I'm now spending this time remember what all this means.  It means that I'll have to genuinely work on my diet before the surgery and after.  It means I'll have to develop an exercise routine that I must stick too.  It means I'll have to be conscious of my body, my mind, and my spirit. 

This surgery is entirely a privilege!  It is not a right.  I must work to maintain the weight that I lose.  I will have to change my way of thinking.  This gift must be treated as just that - a gift.  I must treasure it.  After all, this treasure is my body!