bus377

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hello All,

 It has been awhile since I visited here so I thought I would update. Things are going OK, I go up in weight and down all the time. It is an intense battle. The desire to eat is so strong it takes over my sanity at times. I crave sweets constantly. I have stopped the drastic continuing weight loss I no longer drop weight with out trying very hard. My lowest weight in my journey has been 143 lbs. I currently weight 152 lbs. 

 I worry I will lose the ability to sustain from the eating desires. They are heavy on my heart,mind and thoughts. I have noticed my planning for fun and outings has reverted back to planning what and where to eat. I no longer think of the park first but I think of the picnic first.

 I took this journey four years ago to be able to help my aging mother. She is 79 in bad health and requires a lot of help. I put in practice the reason I lost the weight last month. She became seriously ill and I was in form to do what needed to be done. I can get her in the wheel chair and wheel her all over the place without breaking a sweet. So for that I am grateful.

 I am scared I am Algernon yet again those dreams haunt me. As in the book Flowers for Algernon. I associate my transformation much like the person in the book. But alas as the plot unfolds my battle is slowly taking on the return to the past as the weight sneaks up on me as ardently as the memory loss sneaks up on the subject of the book. I am not depressed as yet and am fairly a very happy person. I try not to sit on the pitty pot to long. I find it is best to wipe your pitty and get up off that thing.

 I just wanted to say hello and give you an incite in my head and heart so that if even one person can hear me the confession is worth it. Please stay safe, slim and healthy. If you get a chance read the book, it is worth the time. Hugs to all, Bus377 in Texas

 WOW ! I had no idea what everyone called "dumping" was all about. I am 7 weeks out and this was a first for me. Yesterday from breakfast on was the worst day I have had since surgery. It started with breakfast my normal thing is one cup of coffee with creamer I take my AM meds with this. I could not finish the coffee or the meds,so I put them aside and decided to try later. At around nine am I had my usual scrambled egg measured at 1.5 oz one slice of crisp bacon. I did not even get half of it down till the pain started. intense pain with horrible heart burn. I stopped eating. I said OK I will wait till lunch and try again. Two tums later and hunger so bad my head was spinning. I made grilled chicken, Potato salad and baked beans. I has thought of this meal for two days. now its 2pm I get 1 fourth cup of potato salad half cup of beans carefully measured and 3ozs of chicken breast. one small bit of potato salad two bites of beans and perhaps half the chicken and it was on. Doubled over intense biting stabbing pain then the sweating started and the watery spit getting ready to upchuck. I haven't been that sick in a very long time. it lasted almost an hour and half before the pain stopped I could do nothing. After the pain started to subside I was exhausted totally drained. I took it easy the rest of the evening except for the 3 o'clock ice bath my dog has every day It has been so hot here in Texas that I started freezing a milk jug full of water cut the bottom out and give it to my outside dog in his kiddy pool. I dump the warm water out fill it with clean cool water and put the ice chunk in the water for him. This day he got the quickest cleaned pool ever. I was in so much pain. I managed to eat a total of 300 calories for the day. I could not even take my ice cold milk. It is usually my saving grace but not this day from hell. I don't know why this happened but I hope it never happens again.

I have been very heavy my whole life its just the way it is I guess. I had my gastric sleeve surgery on June 14,2011 so this is a new leaf in my life. I don't have aspirations of grandeur. I am 55 years old (d.w.f.) I have been single now for 20 years. my weight at time of surgery was 302lbs. I am currently at 263lbs. out 5 weeks. I have my mom to take care of she lives with me. She is 75 year old widow. When she got very sick almost two years ago things changed for me and my outlook. Mom had open heart surgery with a five way bypass I saw her struggle and realized the amount of physical dexterity it takes to go through that sort of thing. I struggled, worried, sweat ed and strained to take care of her. With me carrying an extra person around on my own back,legs,arms and muscles I realized I had to do something to change it, she isn't getting younger. Well when I started talking about the surgery I found out she was as scarred as could be that something  would happen to me and she wouldn't be able to care for me. So I started  looking and searching the web for this surgery. It took me a year to qualify for my insurance to cover it. I found Dr. Dexter Turnquest and the ball started rolling. Now I have had my surgery, I found this web site, so the journey begins........